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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this mother was Completely Out Of Order Today

86 replies

mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 06:50

Revealed tonight by an upset DD: -
Today DD, age 6 (youngest in class) was eating her lunch in school gym with friends when the mother of boy (age 7 1/2) in her class came in, went up to DD's ear and said 'stop distracting ' (insert son's name) in class'. Her DS then came & stood next to his mother. My DD said 'I did not distract **' - mother then said 'I'm going to speak to your Mum about this'. DD said 'OK'.
General Background: My DD has been off school with a D&V bug for a week & was just back in class today. This woman is chair of the Parents Assoc. She ranted at the Head during a meeting I was at & said 'Bullsht' about a particular matter. Her son cries before school most mornings - I know he's having a hard time in class & in a reading support group. He has called my DD 'wierd' on a few occasions but my DD - just shrugged it off. Anyway - I'm actually furious, as is DH.
I feel like the mother should have spoken to the teacher if her son was 'distracted' in class. I speak to DD's teacher every day after school. She is new & very, very thorough, giving a detailed précis of every single occurrence in class re: work & behaviour. I've drafted an email to Teacher & Head but haven't pressed Send as I need to breathe first. What would you do???

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 12/02/2014 12:12

Agree mothra I had a friend who was a volunteer TA for a while and the school were extremely clear on this sort of behaviour.

Whatisaweekend · 12/02/2014 12:14

This woman needs removing from the parents assoc and her access at lunchtime stopped (what is wrong with sending lunch in with the child first thing?). Whether or not this 'distraction' happened (and frankly in a class if 6 yr olds, there is always going to be something of that nature going on) it is abysmal behaviour to march into a school and intimidate a 6 year old!! Sorry, but I would be raising merry hell - your dd should feel safe in school. Good luck with the email response.

OpalQuartz · 12/02/2014 12:49

My mum once did something like this. There was a boy in my class in the top class of the Infants who I used to sometimes fall out with. We were quite competitive about school work. There was no bullying on either side, we'd just fall out sometimes. I must have told my mum about us falling out and she went up to the school and told the boy off through the playground fence! (My mum is a bit odd.) The head teacher was not happy about it and told my mum off for it. She also came and told me I mustn't throw stones. I remember knowing that I had not thrown stones, but presumably the boy's mum had said I had! It was such a hoo ha where there wasn't any need for the parents to get involved. It was just a falling out, but no bullying going on. We soon made friends and apologised to each other. Not sure about our mothers though!

JRsandCoffee · 12/02/2014 12:57

Hmmm I would say both inappropriate and frankly scary. I would also be inclined to speak to the school directly. Situation and mother sounds startlingly similar to one I encountered years ago, poor child was the focus of horrendous parental expectation and pressure, possibly also worth considering.

Jinty64 · 12/02/2014 13:25

Will probably need chocolate at some stage today...

I have a chocolate orange!

I can't believe anyone would take their child's meal in at lunchtime. She must have nothing better to do.

Caboodle · 12/02/2014 21:40

Any other teachers out there who, like me, think that parents going in and out of school like that raises safeguarding issues?
YANBU. Send the email.

Original poster

mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 21:47

Jinty64 - oh a WHOLE chocolate orange would do it. I have made do with some coconut cake..!
So About That E Mail:
I sent to both the HT & the teacher. HT responded within 15 minutes saying she was out of the office until tomorrow but confirmed school policy is that "only the parents of children who have SN or are 'designated' may enter school at lunch time to assist their own DC". Also she confirmed that "any issues in school should always be dealt with by staff". She wants to meet after a conversation with class teacher & will be in touch tomorrow.
I spoke with class teacher this morning first thing. She seemed a bit stunned & said she hadn't seen 'any conflict' between the two children. Then Mother Of The Distracted came into the class with her DS & so we stopped chatting & both DH (who came along for moral support!) & I left.
On our way out, we saw Mother Of The Distracted starting to decorate hallways etc with love hearts (oh the irony) ready for tonight's Valentine PTA Party. She was chatting v animatedly with 3 other mums…
Ugh I'm feeling a bit sick.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 12/02/2014 21:50

She sounds very needy, OP.

Good luck for your meeting tomorrow

Salmotrutta · 12/02/2014 21:59

I would be singularly unimpressed with any school that allows a parent to just swan into the premises.

As someone ^^ said, most schools are like Fort Knox and you have to report to reception before even being allowed over the doorstep.
And you have to sign in, state why you are there and then you get buzzed through when the receptionist opens the door.
Then if you are a parent a teacher escorts you through all the security doors!

Can't believe this mum gets such easy access!

howrudeforme · 12/02/2014 22:00

well done your dd for standing up to this person on the first place. Wow - what a situation.

Salmotrutta · 12/02/2014 22:00

In fact - I'd be querying this woman's access to school premises at your meeting if I were you...

Clutterbugsmum · 12/02/2014 22:06

Caboodle Not a teacher but as a school governor I have hugh safeguarding issues with this. Which is why I said about the school safe guarding policy, which should be on the school website.

crashbangboom · 12/02/2014 22:08

op you do realise me what to know about her previous form at pta meeting!

QOD · 12/02/2014 22:15

Crickey, cheeky bitch!

MothratheMighty · 12/02/2014 22:16

All our parents have a CRB check, sign in and out and have badges and specific reasons for being on school grounds. OFSTED were happy with it.

Pickofthedocs · 12/02/2014 22:32

Never heard anything like it. Have been governor and worked in both classroom and as a school secretary. All different schools. Hear children read at ds school. Secretary alone should not be allowing mum's past with daily lunch deliveries. Obviously there may well be some real medical / other exceptions but otherwise it's a definite NO!

No way should any parent whether governor / PTA / royalty whatever be allowed to acost pupils on an personal agenda!

Head should be horrified and take immediate action.

Am shocked!

TSSDNCOP · 12/02/2014 22:37

So many things here that would send me ballistic, starting with a parent taking the law into her own hands and the talking into the child's ear. I find that part very intrusive and intimidating.

I think your handling it very well. I'd have to be restrained.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/02/2014 23:00

It sounds like you've done the right thing OP. good luck for tomorrow

SeaSprays · 12/02/2014 23:12

We had one of those. First head of PTA. Then she wheedled a volunteer job in the school office. Next became a parent governor then a part time paid (unadvertised) job in school office which soon led to her presence in prime position at every school event. Next saw a change to previous rules and guidelines to allow her to be a staff governor without a re-vote. Not long afterwards she was vice chair of governors soon to be followed by full time job in office and she just went on and on. Took over and systematically but very cleverly ruled the place, felling anyone in her path.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 12/02/2014 23:51

It is totally out of this order for a mother of another child to approach you dd in the way.

Original poster

mentaltodolist · 13/02/2014 05:11

Seasprays: that is insane but it's now so easy to see how one power-crazed nutter can take over if allowed.

The latest from HT was a quick out of hours e-mail to say 'please know this is being dealt with'.

We did not go to the Valentine PTA Party that Mother Of The Distracted organised. Instead we all ate special chocolate sundae ice-creams out

OP posts:

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/02/2014 05:31

Fuming. Absolutely fuming on your behalf.
No advice to add though. Sorry.

Whatisaweekend · 13/02/2014 11:55

Glad to see that the HT is on it. The mother of the distracted seems to be seeking other (innocent) people to blame for her sons lack of concentration in class. Appalling that she thinks it is ok to go into school and intimidate a child. Good luck with the meeting.

Clutterbugsmum · 13/02/2014 12:38

I hope the Head lets you know how it's been dealt with. It's all well and good to say it's been dealt but how has it.

ChameleonCircuit · 13/02/2014 12:59

I would say in this case you WNBU to ask how they intend to prevent this happening again. Not sure whether you can ask what sanctions have been given though (unfortunately). I would have hit the roof if another parent had spoken to my DC in those circumstances.

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