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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think childminders should play with their mindees?

131 replies

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:04

My dd went to a childmindwe briefly a few years ago when she was three years old. She used to come home telling me she'd watched tv all day. I approached the cm about this who said that wasn't true. Dds behaviour alternated between being hyperactive and lethargic which fitted in better with dds version of her day and I switched to a nursery where dd was much happier.

I was at toddler group with my other dd this morning and saw the cm there. She works with her sister and they sat chatting for the entire three hours, only stopping to put the baby's dummy back in if he made a noise. When they were leaving I saw that they had 8 children with them! All of whom had been ignored throughout the group despite a couple having been hitting others and one that cried in the corner for most of it. A mum came in to drop a little girl off and cm made a big fuss of her in front of mum. Within thirty seconds of her leaving the little girl was plonked down crying and cm returned to her conversation, vaguely telling her to go and play every five mins or so.

Aibu to think cm's should play with their mindees and to be cross at this shit treatment of little children whose parents are paying for 'mother-like loving care' and being told what wonderful days they've had?

OP posts:

MrsGoslingWannabe · 21/01/2014 13:14

Report her to OFSTED. Sounds awful.

pigletmania · 21/01/2014 13:15

Yanbu this doe sent sound right, of course there should be some interaction and engaging the child in play

pigletmania · 21/01/2014 13:16

Yes I agree with mrsGos, you would not expect nursery staff to do that, a CM is no different!

PedlarsSpanner · 21/01/2014 13:18

Wowsers at a three hour toddler group

When mine were nippers two hours was standard

Fairylea · 21/01/2014 13:21

Yanbu. Definitely report her to ofsted.

I'd be very upset if I left my dc with her not knowing that was what was going on.

Mim78 · 21/01/2014 13:23

Sounds awful. You should report her.

Really gives me the creeps when I hear something like this as the parents are no doubt thinking their child has had a great time and has been cared for by the cm.

I've seen this lots of times at soft play etc - cms using it as a place to just chat to their mates and leaving the children to get on with it. Not moving off the sofas etc the entire time.

I've also seen a really good cm with kids at soft play (for balance) - engaging with children (it was only one or two) and generally acting like a good Mum would.

Inebriatededna · 21/01/2014 13:26

Of course you should judge all childminders by that one person

honeybeeridiculous · 21/01/2014 13:28

My neighbour is a CM, she does loads with her mindees, they are always out in the forest, out on bikes, she has loads of stuff in the garden, trampoline, rope swing etc and she does loads of creative stuff with them, they have a very old dog who she and the mindees walk every day come rain or shine , it's her career and she's fab, wish I was her neighbour when mine were young!
I guess you get good and bad but I would report what you saw OP, I feel sorry for the kids

catkind · 21/01/2014 13:28

Of course she shouldn't be behaving like that. Ofsted.

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:33

We live

OP posts:

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:33

OP posts:

haveyourselfashandy · 21/01/2014 13:39

I've noticed this at my local soft play and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable watching it.There's a group of childminders who just let up to 15 kids aged between 1 and 4 run riot.Last week one of tho lo's pooed himself on the slide,I told the cm he was with,she did nothing and he smeared it EVERYWHERE.She left 2 mins later without changing him.Me and another lady cleaned the play area but most of the other kids had faeces on their clothing.I've not gone back and the owner has reported the cm but if I'm honest,nearly all the cm's ignore the children.phew sorry that was a rant but I've been thinking about that little boy since!

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:40

Sorry phone went funny.

We live in a fairly small town and I've never seen a goodcchildminder here. One left a two year old mindee on the outside play area at a soft play place for the entire 1.5 hours my dd and I were out there without checking on him. Various others I've seen have been preoccupied by their phones/chatting to other childminders. I just think if they're aware they may be observed by prospective customers and are that lax, how crap is the care for the children when no-one is watching?

OP posts:

notso · 21/01/2014 13:44

There's a couple of childminders who go to the toddler group I do. They are lovely. They have a chat like everyone else but they are very vigilant with the mindees too.
I would report them smuggler

ohhifruit · 21/01/2014 13:45

It's the thought of her putting on a fuss of the child in front of the parents and then switching it off when they leave that gets me. It clearly signals she knows what the parents are expecting from her interaction wise because she is able to switch it on so quickly.

Katnisscupcake · 21/01/2014 13:47

I would be shocked and upset to see that. We were very lucky with DD's CM. She was like a second Mum to DD and is now one of my very best friends. DD is at school but still goes to the CM for about 3 weeks a year in the holidays that between us DH and I can't cover with our own leave.

But I see the CM at least once a week and she always comes around early to read to DD before she goes to bed.

I'm hoping to become a CM at some point and will certainly use DD's CM as a role model!!

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:51

I know, ohhh. It makes me feel sick. I hate that she's basically taking advantage of the childrens inability to tell their parents what happens. I'm so glad I believed my dd over her but bloody angry that she called her a liar.

OP posts:

LBsBongers · 21/01/2014 13:54

I have seen many a CM not overly interacting with their mindees at playgroups. Often the children in their care seek to play we me.

As much as its eye opening to see this I can understand that from the CM view they are keeping mindee safe and offering entertainment.

They are not there as parents and I think that's what many people make the mistake of assuming that a CM will go flat out all day to provide a child with the same amount of interaction as a parent. Its a difficult job ( as many parents know hence they go back to work) to look after a child all day let alone several, imagine how emotionally and physically exhausting it would be to charge around playgroups all week.

As a mum of three who regularly attends playgroups seeing CM chatting to their CM friends is the norm.

haveyourselfashandy · 21/01/2014 14:02

LBsBongers,agree,I wouldn't be able to do the job! It just seems that good cm's round here are very hard to come by.I understand they need a break too but I've seen them ignore small children who need the toilet,want a drink,they're hungry or just want abit of attention.It's hard to watch sometimes.They are horrible! I do know there are good cm's around but these are not.

fairylightsatchristmas · 21/01/2014 14:02

our old CM was a bit like this. DS 's pre-school alerted to me to some less than ideal treatment of DS by her and how upset he was when she picked him up. Other friends told me they'd observed her at the toddler group just sitting and chatting for the whole time and when I used to go to it with my DD she would be there and was indeed, sitting on her bum throughout. Needless to say we moved DS and now both are happily settled with an utterly fab CM. I disagree with LBSBongers. You are paying the CM - who has to have professional qualification in EYFS to do more than just make sure the child doesn't come to harm. Of course its a hard job and I don't begrudge any CM a break and a chat at a group when she might be on her own with kids for the rest of the day but no interaction for the whole of a group and allowing mindees to be hurt / wet/ ignored etc is unacceptable.

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 14:04

I think if cm's find children so draining they should find a different career. Those cm's today charge £4 p/h. That means they earned £96 during the duration of the toddler group and didn't get off their backsides once.

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horsetowater · 21/01/2014 14:06

Yes I agree a report to OFSTED but try to get some evidence, perhaps repeated times.

If there are a lot of children involved they will be earning heaps of cash for doing this, they really ought to be putting all of their energy into it.

Original poster

smuggler · 21/01/2014 14:10

Her husband is registered too and they ferry a load of kids back after school, who watch tv all evening. They must earn a fortune between the three of them

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rumbleinthrjungle · 21/01/2014 14:12

Cms like these give the good ones a bad name who do work flat out all day. Many won't go to these kind of activities for just this reason and will tell you exactly what they think of the CMs who do so irresponsibly. When interviewing a CM with a view to considering him or her for your child a very good question to ask is do they go to groups/activities during the week.

LBsBongers · 21/01/2014 14:14

To clarify I have never seen CM ignoring soiled / needing to toilet / upset children.

I don't think either that it's a mega bucks career choice

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