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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think childminders should play with their mindees?

131 replies

smuggler · 21/01/2014 13:04

My dd went to a childmindwe briefly a few years ago when she was three years old. She used to come home telling me she'd watched tv all day. I approached the cm about this who said that wasn't true. Dds behaviour alternated between being hyperactive and lethargic which fitted in better with dds version of her day and I switched to a nursery where dd was much happier.

I was at toddler group with my other dd this morning and saw the cm there. She works with her sister and they sat chatting for the entire three hours, only stopping to put the baby's dummy back in if he made a noise. When they were leaving I saw that they had 8 children with them! All of whom had been ignored throughout the group despite a couple having been hitting others and one that cried in the corner for most of it. A mum came in to drop a little girl off and cm made a big fuss of her in front of mum. Within thirty seconds of her leaving the little girl was plonked down crying and cm returned to her conversation, vaguely telling her to go and play every five mins or so.

Aibu to think cm's should play with their mindees and to be cross at this shit treatment of little children whose parents are paying for 'mother-like loving care' and being told what wonderful days they've had?

OP posts:
Onlymydogunderstandsme · 21/01/2014 14:16

YANBU. My DS goes to a childminer and she is wonderful, does lots of messy play, has a theme that they learn about every month.

The main thing for me though is that DS loves going there and is very happy which I think reflects the way he is treated.

I would not be happy if I found out my DS was being treated this way, report to Ofstead as cm like this refleft badly on the brilliant ones.

Original poster
smuggler · 21/01/2014 14:21

LBsBongers they're earning between £20-£36 p/h each. That's a pretty decent living in my book!

OP posts:
DirtieBertie · 21/01/2014 14:21

They had 4 children each? I thought there was a limit of 3 pre-schoolers?

NickNacks · 21/01/2014 14:25

I'd just like to point out that what I charge isn't what I earn.

But you're right in that his particular cm is shite.

Please don't tar all cms with the same brush though.

Original poster
smuggler · 21/01/2014 14:29

The husband is also registered and was in same building but not same room.

I mean no offense NickNacks and am sure there are great ones but I've yet to see any round here which makes me sad.

OP posts:
Electryone · 21/01/2014 14:30

You seem to know rather a lot about their income! Its not a steady job at all, my DH is a fab childminder but you ae always relying on other people working for your own income, and circumstances can change at any point.Your title makes it look as if you have an agenda against all childminders based on a few.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 21/01/2014 14:32

I agree you should report to ofsted. I was going to send ds1 to nursery but didn't get that good a vibe at a nursery I visited. I then went to a local toddler group and a woman I vaguely knew was there with her kids and mindees. I didn't know her well at all and I couldn't tell which ones were her own kids and which she was minding. She was cuddling a boy of about 18m and had another couple of kids coming up to her for hugs etc every so often. Turned out the 18m old was a mindee. I decided then and there to ditch nursery and was very lucky she had a space for my DS.

Just giving the pov that a) cm can be very very good and b) what you saw was not 'normal'

waterrat · 22/01/2014 12:25

Our childminder is amazing - I hate it whn people knock childminding in general.

Goldenhandshake · 22/01/2014 12:38

My current CM is absolutely amazing, during the holidays they do three days out a week (to zoo, museum, splash park etc) as well as going to the local park or playing in the garden with paddling pool etc on the other days, when it rains they put on wellies and go and jump in puddles in the woods. She does loads of creative stuff and ahve a 'craft day' each week, once a month is 'new book day' where she buys each child a new story book.

My previous CM however, was a different kettle of fish. DD was with her from age on, and by appearances she was great, however once DD was able to verbally communicate more, I discovered she spent most of her time sat on her arse watching IACGMOOH and TOWIE, we do not watch either of these at home so no way DD could ahve known what they were. She was feeding DD the same repetitive stuff over and over instead of encouraging her to try anything new (chicken and chips for tea 3-4 times a week!). I ended the contract, no way was I paying through the nose for that level of 'care'.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 22/01/2014 13:13

Yanbu. I see a childminder going round the supermarket each week. She ignores the children in the trolley totally. I am constantly talking to my little boy as we go round, pointing out the names of everything we pick up. Very sad to think the parents of these kids don't have a clue how grimly they are being treated.

LingDiLong · 22/01/2014 13:16

It makes me so, so angry that there are childminders out there who give all of us a bad name. I spend so much time (and money!) playing with my mindees, taking them to various places and planning activities, it really pisses me off that people might be assuming that I'm sat on my arse doing nothing. I'm not sure what she's doing is 'reportable' but it's worth a try. It actually amazes me that so many people choose to use this kind of childminder though - if she behaves like this in public surely people know the kind of rubbish care she might be offering and are put off?!

TheNightIsDark · 22/01/2014 13:25

Confused DS2 is going to a childminder in June. I've not used one before but the nursery I work at don't take them before 2. She's doing after school care for DS1 as well.

She's been very open that it's a home environment. They will watch a bit of tv, do a bit of cooking, play with the toys etc but equally they go to groups, farm, zoo etc.

I shall go to our toddler group and see what she's like with her mindees.

LingDiLong · 22/01/2014 13:27

TheNight, good idea. Ask around and see how many people know her and what they think of her. I'm very 'visible' we're always out and about so everyone knows of me and can see what I'm like with the kids. I also take lots of pictures of the kids which parents like, I imagine it's reassuring for them to see that we're really active.

LingDiLong · 22/01/2014 13:29

Oh and despite what everyone says on this thread, this is NOT the norm where I live. I see lots of childminders and have got to know a few and they are all very active and involved with the children and play with them loads.

TheNightIsDark · 22/01/2014 13:42

I see some outside the school he look bloody miserable all the time. Pick up the kids, don't say a word to them but gossip to their friends.

TheNightIsDark · 22/01/2014 13:42

They not he Blush

MPB · 22/01/2014 13:45

There are degrees of letting kids get on with it at soft play/ toddler groups.

It's not healthy to hover over kids.
But I know what you mean. Some CM's do chat to their mates.

I go to a CM network and they all sit inside and the kids go outside (free flow) and usually it's just the student outside with the kids. I go out with mine though. Pisses me off as most of them are graded outstanding!!!

I am working today, but have typed this with a child sat on my back pretending I'm a horse! Grin

Off to play now ...

LaGuardia · 22/01/2014 14:07

I've noticed this at my local soft play and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable watching it.There's a group of childminders who just let up to 15 kids aged between 1 and 4 run riot.Last week one of tho lo's pooed himself on the slide,I told the cm he was with,she did nothing and he smeared it EVERYWHERE.She left 2 mins later without changing him.Me and another lady cleaned the play area but most of the other kids had faeces on their clothing.I've not gone back and the owner has reported the cm

Yet ANOTHER reason not to go to soft play Confused

Mim78 · 22/01/2014 14:28

They are not there as parents - I sort of think that a cm who is being paid to look after the children has less excuse for leaving the children to it than a knackered parent who might be at the soft play as their only break.

CaractacusPotts · 22/01/2014 14:32

Oh look - a childminder bashing thread - what fun! Hmm

I assume you judge all parents / teachers / plumbers / priests / Dr's by the example of the bad one too?

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 22/01/2014 14:42

YANBU and I reported a childminder for this as well as other concerns and they had their ofsted registration removed

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 22/01/2014 14:44

Didn't see it turned into a CM bashing thread, I didn't mean to bash!

Out of 5 childminders I've only reported 2, one was struck off the other has cause for concerns on her ofsted.

I love childminders though despite bad experiences

Nomorepeppapig · 22/01/2014 14:50

God the cm's op is talking about sound awful. I would be so upset if I sent my child to them and I found this out. You should report them no question.
But some cm are great! My best friend is a brilliant one. If you find a good one I think it's so much better then a nursery.

EssexGurl · 22/01/2014 14:51

A friend of mine years ago was told by her mum not to send her kids to daycare until they could tell her exactly what they did all day. For exactly those reasons. Mum was an ex-teacher and looked after all 3 of her GCs until they went to school. Lucky friend to have a mum that able/supportive. My kids went to nursery as no one to look after them. As someone else has said, there are good and bad. Or very bad.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2014 16:45

I think there is a massive difference between the good cms and the bad ones, and there's plenty of both types. Just be very very careful if ever you decide to employ a cm to look after your child!