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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to let DH be embarrassed?

80 replies

LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 08:06

Basically I am fed up of being the one to always have to buy, wrap and remember the presents for his side of the family, usually last minute because despite nagging him he always "forgets".

Despite daily reminders to him all this week the presents and cards (that I bought) for his family remain untouched. When I reminded him last night he said "yeah, in a minute, I'm watching a film.

We are leaving for his parents house in an hour and I have a newborn to deal with.

Would it be really mean of ne to just not do it this year and let him be embarrassed for once? I've been coming to his rescue for every single birthday as well for the last 8 years.

Grrrrrr.

OP posts:

ThisIsNotMyHat · 21/12/2013 08:06

YANBU Let him deal with it.

TwoShakesOfaWhiskersTail · 21/12/2013 08:08

He probably doesn't bother as he knows you will.
Therefore you'd be mad if you did.

Jaynebxl · 21/12/2013 08:10

If there were no presentd cos he couldn't be bothered that would be a bit mean for the other people but this way they still do get presents but he gets a jolt so all is good!

Why can't he wrap while watching the film? That's what I will be doing tomorrow night.

CuriosityCola · 21/12/2013 08:11

Yanbu, tell him your not doing it and leave him too it.

ToriaPumpkin · 21/12/2013 08:12

YANBU. I've done much the same this year (though did pick something up that I knew MIL would like, but I haven't gone out of my way)

There's still a pile of stuff either not delivered or still in the delivery boxes, despite me reminding him for weeks and specifically telling him that on Friday morning that I was going to the post office with the last parcels to post.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 21/12/2013 08:13

Suddenly become very busy with your baby and disappear out of the way for a bit. Do not come to the rescue and let him deal with it.

I know how annoying it is, I practicality have to put the pen in dp's hand to write his cards that I have bought. V. annoying!

Let us know what happens.

TheProvincialLady · 21/12/2013 08:14

Now is the time for you stop doing this Wifework for him. From now on, shopping, wrapping, remembering about presents for people on his side of the family is HIS responsibity. Birthdays, Christmas, weddings etc. why on earth should you do it all? If he chooses to upset everyone he knows, that says a lot about his selfishness. His actions so far say a lot about how he thinks of you too.

DorothyBastard · 21/12/2013 08:14

YADNBU, he's probably just stalling as he thinks you'll do it as always. Your exasperation is a price he's happily willing to pay not to have to do it his lazy self. Going against the grain and letting him feel a bit embarrassed will show him you're not a walkover.

SmallBee · 21/12/2013 08:15

Don't do it! It's the only way he will learn.

RubyGoat · 21/12/2013 08:15

It's not the end of the world if they aren't wrapped. He will look a fool though. Maybe next time he will think more & not just assume the wife will do it.

Sleepthief · 21/12/2013 08:16

YADNBU

Original poster

LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 08:16

His family live two hours away so this is our Xmas visit. If we don't take them, they won't get them.

I don't think it's even crossed his mind this morning. I wasn't even going to mention it again. Last night he basically told me to stop nagging him - so I have.

I do feel bad for them as they always make a massive effort for him.

I might just put them all in the car with some wrapping paper and keep quiet til we get there and he panics.

OP posts:

MrsGeorgeMichael · 21/12/2013 08:18

that is a good idea ladyflumpalot!

Thants · 21/12/2013 08:18

Yadnbu. He just expects you to do it. If he had asked you to do it and you had agreed that'd be different but he's just not bothering on purpose because he know you will do it.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 21/12/2013 08:18

Definitely don't do it. Lazy sod

I agree he just expects you to do it as you usually do.

thankfeckitschrismas · 21/12/2013 08:21

Sounds like my dh

I got sick of doing the cards every year, and told him it was his turn. It was his turn for three years.

The only cards that were done was his mum sister and niplings. That's it. So that put me in my place!

So now I send mine and he does his. I buy pressies for who I want and he does his.

ThisIsMeNow · 21/12/2013 08:22

I'd be tempted to wait until you've got to the end of the street and casually say "don't mean to nag but you did pack the presents didn't you?" Then sit back and watch the panic

TicTacZebra · 21/12/2013 08:25

I've done the same with my DP thus year, except I went a bit further and didn't even make him buy presents. He has brought one thing.

MidniteScribbler · 21/12/2013 08:31

He's being a twerp, but make life easier by buying gift bags next year for everything. Toss in a bag, add a gift card, done. If you buy them from the cheapie shops you don't spend much more than you would buying gift wrap (and a lot less time and stress).

lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2013 08:35

You've stopped 'nagging', that's it, he gets what he wants. He can always withdraw for a while a wrap them upstairs when you're there.

DO NOT cover for him or let yourself be blamed when there. Don't bottle out of saying, deadpan, 'but I've been reminding you daily for a week. Last night you said 'I'm watching a film, stop nagging'.

HazleNutt · 21/12/2013 08:36

you were BU to nag, remember and buy the presents and then nag about wrapping. It's not like Xmas comes as a surprise to him. If you have agreed that you do your side and he does his, I would not even put them in the car.

Original poster

LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 08:36

Aha! interesting development! Just came out the shower and he's not in the house! Downstairs looks like a bomb has hit it with Amazon wrappings everywhere and all the presents all over the floor. He has obviously made a start and gone out gor something. Maybe he can't find the wrapping paper?

OP posts:

Badgerwife · 21/12/2013 08:36

i think you're doing the right thing just dumping the lot in the car without wrapping, he is being an idiot and taking you for granted. I'd be tempted to not do anything at all and see if he remembers to take the presents himself but if i means no gifts for his folks, that's a bit harsh on them.

Please come back to the thread to tell us how it went!!

ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 21/12/2013 08:38

Ooh, let us know what happens!

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 08:41

LOL - I expect dh to sort out his family, what really pisses me off is that his family still expect me to sort out everything and be the liaision point for everything - I work more hours than DH!!! It is completely the case because they do everything in their households they anticipate be having the same role

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