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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to let DH be embarrassed?

80 replies

LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 08:06

Basically I am fed up of being the one to always have to buy, wrap and remember the presents for his side of the family, usually last minute because despite nagging him he always "forgets".

Despite daily reminders to him all this week the presents and cards (that I bought) for his family remain untouched. When I reminded him last night he said "yeah, in a minute, I'm watching a film.

We are leaving for his parents house in an hour and I have a newborn to deal with.

Would it be really mean of ne to just not do it this year and let him be embarrassed for once? I've been coming to his rescue for every single birthday as well for the last 8 years.

Grrrrrr. Angry

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 21/12/2013 08:41

If anyone had been giving me daily reminders of a very unimportant and quick task, I'd be pretty bugged and not very keen on doing it. I wouldn't be expecting them to do it, I'd just be annoyed with the whole process.

Wrapping your parents gifts can be done any time before you give them to them, including while visiting them, "Mama, Papa, just need 2 minutes in the dining room - haven't got any scissors I got borrow for a minute? Oh and maybe some tape?"

So YANBU to leave him to it (I'd question if he'd be embarrassed, I wouldn't be, I'd be more embarrassed by my P's thinking it'd all been done by DP) but YABU to care.

JumpingJackSprat · 21/12/2013 08:43

My ex used to be like this. Every holiday he would make me but postcards for his folks then I would have to write them. One year I refused to write them so he had a massive sulk. My now dp and I collude on presents to buy his family as he is not great at getting bargains or planning what to get - but he has said so and so wants perfume and we pick it together. Then I wrapped he did housework as I would rather sit and watch a film while wrapping than clean. If he left me to it then I wouldn't be getting anything and he would be rushing around on Christmas Eve trying to get all the presents.

MimiSunshine · 21/12/2013 08:46

This is why I've agreed with my BF that he sorts his side and I do mine. 8yrs is far too long to have been mothering him in this way, only children need someone else to sort presents out for them.

At least he's now frantically getting on with it, please don't whatever you do tidy up his mess or say "thanks for wrapping them" he hasn't done you a favour

roses2 · 21/12/2013 08:46

Haha good on you for not doing it :)

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 21/12/2013 08:47

Gone out or flounced out?
I think it is, from what you describe, high time you left it all to him.
he wants all gifts to magically appear, beautifully wrapped, so that he can present them and get thanks. I hope he realises all that you've been doing all this time and is grateful and won't turn round and blame you now! Act like it's your fault it's not been done.
I hope he's not just going to stay out until it's time to go and then get cross with you cos he doesnt come back to find it done!

MrsWedgeAntilles · 21/12/2013 09:03

YANBU at all. For the first few years DH and I were together I'd run about mad getting presents for his family and posting them off. I'd also spend time writing cards for his side of the family. He never did this for my side of the family.

It just wasn't appreciated so I stopped doing it but I also said that I'd be too embarrassed to visit any one who'd sent us a present when we didn't have one to send back and that he'd have to explain why we weren't coming.

The first year I said this DH didn't take me seriously. It did look as though the in laws might end up with nothing from us and I actually found that quite hard. Luckily that was a year we were going to visit them so it upped the pressure a bit and I've never been expected to buy all of the presents again.

These days I'm not totally horrible about it, his family is a bit more extended than mine so I don't mind picking up something Great Auntie Annie or similar might like if I see it but I don't go out of my way and I don't wrap them.

OP I wouldn't even put the presents in the car, you've recently given birth and have a wee baby to care for. Let him sort out his family's presents and if they don't go in the car neither do you.

Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 09:16

Sorry for not name checking anyone, I'm on my phone so I can't see the messages.

He's come back with wrapping paper and is currently panicking and wrapping simultaneously. He did say "I thought you had done this" to which he got my patented "I'm sleep deprived and hormonal - don't even go there" look. Wisely he shut up and got on with it.

I shall broach the subject of birthdays later whilst I'm ahead. Grin

Thank you all for listening to me rant. Smile

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 21/12/2013 09:18

I don't do present buying and wrapping for dh. He still hasn't got stuff. I did actually pick up a scarf for MIL as I was passing in John Lewis. Plus got him to sort photo frames and dgc pics for my parents and his.

I told MIL I'd finished my Christmas shopping and she said "have you got mine?!" Sharply! I though vvvv rude. I told her I do all the present buying for all the children we know and it's dh's job to get his mum dad & brother. I did day in my defence that I'm in the same boat as her as I refuse to buy my own gift!

Pisses me off that I end up feeling guilty when his family dont get anything. They do buy for me too so I feel worse but genuine think we should split the work.

I also don't do cards. Full stop. MIL has also previously asked ME if I sent cards to dh's family. I gave that short shrift. My dm has never questioned who I do/don't send cards to.

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 09:19

"I thought you had done this" - that is so funny Grin

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 21/12/2013 09:21

Yeah, I am sure he genuinely did think that. Shut up, don't nag me just do it yourself if I ignore you long enough you'll do it you always do.
well. He's had a shock, hasn't he?

Mellowandfruitful · 21/12/2013 09:27

Xmas Grin Nice one OP.A lesson learned.

NoComet · 21/12/2013 09:32

I'm a SAHM and present buying, for everyone is my job, fine.

But woe beside DH if he doesn't wrap.

This year he did the ones to be posted, his DSIS, my aunt and a CD and her family.

I Love Him! it's a job I hate and usually end up doing.

cardibach · 21/12/2013 09:41

I'm glad he got on with it eventually, Lady. I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself if he had told me he thought I'd done it after all the 'nagging' he was 'bothered' with :)
I have been divorced for 15 years and so have to do all the presents but I delegate the packing to DD. SHe is 17, but has been doing it for about 6 years now. The standard has gone up every year :)

hollyisalovelyname · 21/12/2013 09:49

I know dh and I will row on Christmas Eve as , once again, he has left buying a present for his parents til the last minute, despite me asking , when the shop where we buy their presents, were having 20% off, to get them then.
Oh no, he couldn't , there was a match he had to go to watch.
It happens every year.
But at least they get a (decent) present.
I got a book by James Joyce from Spar ( special purchase) that he bought on Christmas Eve at about 9pm last year. I studied said book at uni and never want to read it again!
It's a good job I look after myself ( well) from our joint account. Wink

Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 09:58

I don't believe this. You honestly could not make this up. We are running monumentally late because he has just remembered that he promised his sister he would make her a fruitcake for Xmas! We were supposed to be on the road an hour ago and we have to drive down the A303. It's going to be chaos!

Fuck this shit for a game of soldiers. I'm going back to bed. Grin

OP posts:
ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 21/12/2013 10:01

A fruitcake!!! Classic

(Are you married to my DH??)

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 10:02

He will never live this down!

LindyHemming · 21/12/2013 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblebabeuk · 21/12/2013 10:05

Lol good plan go back to bed leave him to it

Lj8893 · 21/12/2013 10:05

The fruitcake has just made me snort with laughter. Brilliant.

carabos · 21/12/2013 10:06

Are you saying that he's now setting about making a fruitcake? Shock a fruitcake as in an actual Christmas cake. That takes 48 hours to soak the fruit, best part of an hour to assemble and 4 hours to cook? That sort of fruitcake?

I think we know who is the fruitcake Hmm.

cjel · 21/12/2013 10:10

great about the presents, Don't believe the cake!! I suppose its your fault for not reminding himXmas Grin

AndHarry · 21/12/2013 10:12

So is he actually going to make a fruitcake? Hahahahahahahaaaaaa

I told DH that he was to sort out his mum and dad's presents. The last opportunity to give FIL his present was Thursday. I did remind him. FIL got nothing. MIL might possibly get something but not on Christmas Day. If they are hurt, that is not my fault, it is his.

Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 21/12/2013 10:12

No, just a normal fruitcake. Although from the swearing coming from the kitchen I think it may turn into a trip to Tesco en route.

Don't get me wrong, he is genuinely a lovely man and a fantastic dad, he's just rather daft with it. Doesn't think about things like timings or logistics.

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 21/12/2013 10:12

Carabos has got it. Fruitcake? Pahahaha!

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