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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH using 2 days annual leave for golf?!

87 replies

Statementpiece · 16/12/2013 10:25

He casually announced yesterday that out of his 15 days annual leave (5 used for Christmas) he will be using 2 separate days to play golf. We have an 8 week old.

Aibu to think he should discuss this with me first?!

OP posts:
CrazyOldCatLady · 16/12/2013 10:26

He should probably have discussed it, but I wouldn't have a problem with it. I've been known to use annual leave to lounge around on the couch watching films Blush

BaconFrazzles · 16/12/2013 10:27

Tell him that he can then take a further 2 days, which you will be taking as your 'annual leave' during which he can do all of the childcare

MerryFuckingChristmas · 16/12/2013 10:27

In an otherwise respectful relationship, this would not bother me

A couple of years ago I took a whole week's annual leave to go on a Girls holiday. I left the kids at home to be cared for their father. Shock horror !

is there a back story here ?

BohemianGirl · 16/12/2013 10:28

You lead a charmed life , mine uses all his annual leave to play golf and then some if you include corporate days.

I'm failing to see why this is an issue and what an 8 week old has to do with the equation.

HermioneWeasley · 16/12/2013 10:29

15 days AL isn't much. If he works hard and is supportive the rest of the time I woukdn't begrudge him 2 days to himself. When your DC is a bit older perhaps you can have a weekend away while he's on parenting duty?

mrsjay · 16/12/2013 10:29

well if there is no more to it he is a good supported partner and dad then he is taking 2 days off for himself and 5 days for Christmas which will be family etc, I would just take sometimes to yourself when you can and let him care for the baby

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 16/12/2013 10:30

Why is this a problem? I don't get it.

Instead of resenting him a couple of days of golf why don't you make a plan for yourself too?

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog · 16/12/2013 10:30

So two separate days not 2 days to go away?

YABU I don't see the problem.

Is there more to this?

mumblechum1 · 16/12/2013 10:30

20 days annual leave is the legal minimum for a full time worker. Are you sure he only gets 15?

tbh a 2 day jolly once a year wouldn't bother me in the least.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 16/12/2013 10:31

Yes it would have been nice for him to mention it before booking it, but would you have asked him not to?

Has he got form for using up all of his leave so that it affects your families plans? If not cut him some slack.

How is the 8 week old relevant?

MerryFuckingChristmas · 16/12/2013 10:31

perhaps the 5 days at xmas are enforced (workplace shutdown, for example) and he gets 15 days on top of that ?

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/12/2013 10:31

I cant see the problem tbh. Its his annual leave and surely as an adult he can spend it how he pleases? I've used mine to do things with friends etc and we take a good chunk together. Being married doesnt mean being tied at the hip to each other.

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 10:32

I'd be pleased for him but expect him to take the reins fully for my to have 2 days off too, with equililant money to do something I'd like. That's equality.

SantaStuffedMyStocking · 16/12/2013 10:33

YABVU. If he works hard surly he's entitled to spend some time off doing something he wants.

don't see how having an 8 week old is relevant either tbh.

mrsjay · 16/12/2013 10:35

OP do you expect him to spend time with you and the baby and give up his interest because you now have a baby?

AlbertGiordinHoHoho · 16/12/2013 10:36

I think he gets 20, and has used 5 for Christmas. So has, so far, used 10% of his holidays for himself and 25% family time.

YABU, as pp have said, if there is no other 'back story'. If the bloke wants to play golf, why would you want to stop him? Are you a meany pants?

FWIW, YWNBU if you took 2 days to go and do something just for you either.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/12/2013 10:36

I suppose in his mind he has discussed it with you, he told you yesterday.

Dh does things like this, books a weeks sporting holiday with his mates and tells me after booking it. Other days he hasn't left for work and when I ask him why not he says he's booked a days leave and he's off to meet a friend and do sporty stuff.

The lack of communication annoys me. He doesn't need to ask my permission but just let me know what he's up to/check the week he wants to go away is ok. I don't mind him doing stuff, he works hard so he needs to enjoy himself.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 16/12/2013 10:36

Why does he only get 15 days? That doesn't sound like it makes the legal minimums if he's full time?

Yes, I think things like this should be discussed and agreed. I'd ask when he's also going to take 2 days for you to do your own thing.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 16/12/2013 10:37

Oh sorry, he gets 20 but has used 5 for christmas so has 15 left?

HandragsNGladbags · 16/12/2013 10:38

I am assuming the OP also works hard with an 8 week old baby.

And I don't think it is too much to expect a couple to discuss what they will be doing with annual leave.

Of course the OP is also entitled time off to do something that she wants. If he is accepting of this, not a problem. If she always does the childcare then it is an issue.

razmataz · 16/12/2013 10:38

YABU.

I find your attitude bizarre to be honest - why shouldn't he have two days in a year to do something for himself?

If you'd said two weeks I might see your point.

Ghostsdonttalk · 16/12/2013 10:38

I wouldn't have a problem with it. My Dh took 5 days kast year to go skiing with his mates. I stayed at home with the 4 Dc. The previous year it was my turn. Time apart is good for you too.

This year I am hoping for Dc free time together.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/12/2013 10:39

with so little holiday time i think it should have been discussed with you

especially when you have such a small baby

Original poster
Statementpiece · 16/12/2013 10:40

Sorry should have ranted more! He's not the most supportive:

  1. moans that's he's always tired (stays up watching films till gone 12, has to be up at 5)
  2. When holding baby to give me a break, unless baby is asleep he follows me around the house even when I'm in the bath
  3. Doesn't do anything around the house apart from Cook dinner and spends most time after work on his iPad
  4. Has one day each weekend to himself when he plays golf so I go to my mums.

My annoyance is that I may have to return to work later on in the year so he could have been saving holiday to look after the lo whilst I worked but this wasn't even a consideration for him!

Maybe I'm being unreasonable because he isn't very supportive and I haven't slept for 5 days but HE's tired!

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 16/12/2013 10:40

2 days in a year to please yourself sounds fair to me. You can do the same at some point if you want to I suppose.