Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be upset no-one has bothered with DTDs 1st Birthday?

79 replies

GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 14:08

DTDs are one today and we're celebrating tomorrow by taking them out for the day (just me, DH, DD1 and DTDs). No big party or anything with it being so close to Christmas and tight budget.

But apart from my parents who have left them a small gift each when they visited last month, no-one has bothered to send anything or call us. I'm really sad, both DH and I have siblings, and all parents alive and well so why couldn't they even just call or send a card? Such a huge fuss was made of DD1s birthday, my Mum made a massive cake, gifts galore, party etc but this time nothing.

I know, I know, they won't know any different but I do. And I feel really disappointed for them. Am I being Unreasonable?

OP posts:

bundaberg · 09/12/2013 14:09

no...yanbu!

it seems really quite odd

QuintessentialShadows · 09/12/2013 14:12

I dont think it is usual to remember, let alone post presents for other peoples kids. Massive cake, party and gifts galore was rather unusual, so no wonder you had such high expectations for the twins. Sorry you are upset. You are not throwing a party, so cant expect others to supply cake and gifts.

A bit shit if they dont call you today though to wish them happy birthday. I think that is the only thing you can expect.

Dogonabeanbag · 09/12/2013 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bundaberg · 09/12/2013 14:22

really QS? you wouldn't expect the children's aunts/uncles/grandparents to even send a birthday card? or call? or give them a gift?

QuintessentialShadows · 09/12/2013 14:22

No, not really.

SomethingkindaOod · 09/12/2013 14:24

The day isn't over yet, you might get visitors when people have finished work or after tea

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 09/12/2013 14:24

Yanbu. But I think it's more to do with their proximity to Christmas than anything.

Normally people remember birthdays as they come along and send something out. But at this time of year they've been planning Christmas presents and cards. So birthdays simply slip to the back on the queue.

Next year, organise a birthday party yourself and keep it as free from Christmas as possible. Don't put your decorations/cards up until after the twins have celebrated. The lack of obvious Christmas in your house will either make people remember, or ask why in which case you can say.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/12/2013 14:25

People dont really remember other childrens birthdays, unless they get a party invite. Sad, but there it is.

parakeet · 09/12/2013 14:27

I don't get the fuss over first birthdays either. The babies don't know y'know. So all this complaining is actually about YOUR feelings, not theirs. Don't be so grabby.

EasterHoliday · 09/12/2013 14:28

My childrens' aunt and uncle have never sent a card or called on their birthdays. They probably don't know the dates. My brother is however excellent at chatting with them on the phone and playing with them when he sees them (& has no cash for gifts) so I don't care. (my SIL is a witch, so again I don't care as then I don't have to feel in any way beholden to her). Have they got godparents? you can give them a kick up the arse, remembering birthdays is part of the remit when they accept the job.

Original poster

GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 14:31

Thank you for your replies and the cake dog :)
No-one will be popping over later as they all live at least an hour away. I was surprised because I thought people would have put a card or a present in the post, maybe I'm wrong but they have two aunts/uncles and a few cousins.

DD1 is only 2 herself and she tends to get most of the attention from family and i just feel like the DTDs have been sidelined a bit. Thank goodness this is their first birthday and they won't notice. I will take the good advice from Mini to not start Christmas until their birthday is over with and make sure they have a party - thank you for that

OP posts:

livinginawinterwonderland · 09/12/2013 14:33

Ah, happy birthday to your DTD's!

I think it is hard when you have a December birthday. My birthday's tomorrow, and nobody ever remembered unless I had a party. Christmas took priority because it's everywhere and people are focused on that. If they'd been born in June, you'd probably find things were a lot different.

I also think that first-born GC's get a lot more attention than subsequent ones. Not that that's fair, it just seems to be the way it is.

KitZacJak · 09/12/2013 14:33

Why not call around and invite family/friends over for a cup of tea and cake to celebrate this afternoon after people have been to work/school etc. Family and friends may be planning to pop in later anyway.

SilasGreenback · 09/12/2013 14:38

I wonder if the no post problem is christmas post and it being a Monday. I always struggle with Monday birthdays - do I post it on Saturday and hope that it gets there or send it the Thursday/Friday and then it is too early. The post always gets delayed at Christmas a bit. Don't give up on everyone until after tomorrows post!

bundaberg · 09/12/2013 14:42

wow, surprised at the number of people who wouldn't expect a card or something from close family.

my brother always sends a card and gift for my kids on their birthdays, as do my own aunts and uncles (so, their great-aunts/uncles) regardless of whether we have a party or not

tracypenisbeaker · 09/12/2013 14:48

parakeet how rotten, calling the OP grabby just because she wants to celebrate her twins first birthday with the family . Even if they 'won't remember it' when they are older, it is still a special occasion and they will enjoy being given the extra attention. Plus it makes for lovely photos for the album.

I personally think it is shitty that they haven't had at least any cards in the post. My son was due last week and it pisses me off to think that people might have a half-assed attitude to his birthday just because it is near christmas. I hope he gets treated the same as everyone else.

AdmiralData · 09/12/2013 14:49

parakeet I am not entirely sure if the OP is being 'grabby' demanding gifts, cards, balloons and an entire national holiday but a nice phone call/text just to say 'Happy Birthday' can mean alot to some people. My DB texts every year on my birthday and it means the world to me, for example.
It can be especially infuriating if you have very little money and yet somehow manage to get gifts for every member of your family on the actual day of their birthday and yet when your birthday comes round they don't even send a text.
Not everyone is self obsessed :)

ViviPru · 09/12/2013 14:55

I sent a card last week first class within the same postcode prefix and it took 3 days to arrive. Give it a day or two.....

HorsePetal · 09/12/2013 14:58

Happy birthday to your twins OP.

I think it is really sad that Grandparents and Aunts/Uncles etc haven't been in touch. Cards/gifts etc not necessarily needed or expected but well-wishes from family would just be automatic surely unless there were tensions in the family?

Not alot you can do about it now other than to make sure that you all have a lovely family day together tomorrow (which I'm sure you will)

Gladvent · 09/12/2013 15:00

First birthdays are never on my calendar. So unless we get invited to celebrate, it won't occur to me to remember. I don't think anyone means to offend - after all you did your eldest's first birthday differently and everyone was reminded.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GirlrunningDD2 and HAPPY BIRTHDAY GirlrunningDD3

seafoodudon · 09/12/2013 15:00

YANBU at all. I would definitely expect cards and pressies from GPs, and we always do nephews and nieces (on my side) and DH's younger siblings, so would expect most of them to return the favour (at least with a card) - obviously people forget, and especially at this time of year (I am no saint myself when it comes to this), but for everyone to forget is odd. Perhaps next year you could organise a little birthday tea or similar close to their birthday and invite rellies - at least this way they are reminded even if they can't come.

OpalTourmaline · 09/12/2013 15:01

I'm sure family would have remembered if you'd done a little family birthday tea for them. Doesn't have to be a big do

squoosh · 09/12/2013 15:01

YANBU

I would never forget a niece's or nephew's birthday. And as for the grandparents......, well hopefully they forgot rather than remembered and but couldn't be bothered to mark it.

As for whomever said you're being 'grabby', do bugger off.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 09/12/2013 15:03

I am quite on your behalf, actually - that's really upsetting and YANBU.

DS2's 1st birthday was a touch ignored by my friends, which was a bit sad - but he did get cards from my Dad, MIL, and my sister and her family. I thought that was enough to be a bit miffed (DS2 was a very tried for, after 3MCs, baby) - you have FAAAARR more reason to be upset!

Happy Birthday to your DTDs and I hope that they have a lovely time anyway. x

squoosh · 09/12/2013 15:06

I have to admit I don't always remember my friends kids' birthdays, first or otherwise, but family is very different.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread