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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset no-one has bothered with DTDs 1st Birthday?

79 replies

GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 14:08

DTDs are one today and we're celebrating tomorrow by taking them out for the day (just me, DH, DD1 and DTDs). No big party or anything with it being so close to Christmas and tight budget.

But apart from my parents who have left them a small gift each when they visited last month, no-one has bothered to send anything or call us. I'm really sad, both DH and I have siblings, and all parents alive and well so why couldn't they even just call or send a card? Such a huge fuss was made of DD1s birthday, my Mum made a massive cake, gifts galore, party etc but this time nothing.

I know, I know, they won't know any different but I do. And I feel really disappointed for them. Am I being Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 09/12/2013 15:08

Yanbu.

I would expect cards and presents from family members because in my family that's what we do, for everyone.

I think it's quite mean otherwise. Who cares if they won't remember, it's making the effort to put some thought into it that counts.

What would happen if you forgot their cousins birthdays OP?

MrsTrellisNorthWales · 09/12/2013 15:13

I think there are very definitely two schools when it comes to 1st birthdays. Those who bother and those who don't. I agree that close and/or immediate family should definitely bother.

I don't necessarily agree that friends should bother and I personally don't understand when people throw huge and expensive birthday parties for a one-year old because they really don't have a clue what it's all about.

When you say "why couldn't they even call" well, who would they be calling? You can't hand the phone over to a one-year old to hold a conversation or even understand someone saying "happy birthday" to them. That sounds more like it being acknowledging it to YOU rather than those whose birthday it is.

CoffeeTea103 · 09/12/2013 15:13

Yanbu, happy birthday to the twins!

It's sad though, a call at least means a lot. The day isn't over maybe you will get a few calls later. I think with most people the fuss is usually over the first born and then it just kind of quietens down with siblings after that.
Hope you all have a lovely day.

shewhowines · 09/12/2013 15:18

The first child is a novelty. Subsequent young ones, less so, especially near to christmas.
Make sure they are treated fairly as they get older and more aware. Until then, accept it as the natural order of things being less exciting as the novelty wears off.

AlpacaPicnic · 09/12/2013 15:20

Sorry but I wouldn't remember any of the family kids birthdays without blackmailing reminders beforehand. Childrens birthdays are not on my radar at any time of the year.

Original poster
GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 15:22

I'm not being grabby at all! I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't have a gift (goodness knows they don't need anything) but I like to keep things in boxes for keepsakes and DD1s first birthday cards were all kept. So having 2 cards each (one from me and DH, one from my parents) just looks so sad.

Yes I get that they can't speak on the phone so I suppose in that sense it is a little about Me but it just shows a general lack of thought really more than anything.

Thank you all for your well wishes and happy birthdays for them!! I think I have something in my eye.... Im not at all tired and emotional

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 15:23

And yes thats a great point about Christmas post!!! I will not give up hope!

OP posts:
Cuddlydragon · 09/12/2013 15:26

YANBU. All of our close friends forgot my DS first birthday this year. We had DS a bit later than our friends started their families and I've never missed their kids birthdays or Christmases. Lesson learned.

maudpringle · 09/12/2013 15:59

Aww I think that is sad and yanbu.
Try not to let it overshadow the whole day and have a fab time tomorrow.
I know how you feel cos my family are bloody useless sometimes too.

Bue · 09/12/2013 16:04

DS2's 1st birthday was a touch ignored by my friends, which was a bit sad

See, it literally wouldn't even occur to me to specially acknowledge my friend's child's first birthday. It wasn't even on my radar for my best friend earlier this year, and I love her little boy! Family is a slightly different story, but second children just don't get as much fuss, I'm afraid.

toobreathless · 09/12/2013 16:09

Aaah, YANBU, that is a bit sad. I had DD2 a week before DD1s 2nd birthday and everyone remembered her birthday too.

I would have sent a present or card if it were my nieces or those of a close friend.

Enjoy tomorrow.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 09/12/2013 16:09

No they don't - obviously!
But as Girlrunning does, I keep cards for special occasions, and I have lots for DS1's 1st birthday. Just 4 for Ds2. Mind you, I should have expected it - I barely got any New Baby cards for DS2 either. Hey ho.

I'd just like to say that I wasn't expecting cards for Ds2 from all my friends, just the couple of really close ones whose DC I send cards for.

toobreathless · 09/12/2013 16:14

bue it definitely is on my radar to acknowledge friends children's birthdays and I would make extra effort to remember for their first. I send a card unless we are invited to the party or it is a godchild etc.

I also make an identical fuss of second or subsequent children whether that be after the birth or birthdays.

Dogonabeanbag · 09/12/2013 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoMinutesToMidnight · 09/12/2013 16:21

Yanbu out of order of your family to not even call/send a card and a small gift.

bassingtonffrench · 09/12/2013 16:27

YANBU

I'm actually quite shocked by this as it just seems so thoughtless. Surely it is normal for family to remember birthdays with a card at least? First birthdays are so easy to remember because it was only a year ago they arrived. And surely as they are twins this was quite a big event?!

I can only think it is the proximity to Xmas which has made them 'forget' / not bother.

I remember my nieces birthdays and half birthdays and they really treasure me for it!

Bue · 09/12/2013 16:30

I don't even remember my friends' birthdays. So this is probably why we have a big difference of opinion on this one! Grin

dozeydoris · 09/12/2013 16:33

I also found that people forgot birthdays more as the year went on so spring birthdays were remembered and my two who had autumn birthdays not remembered nearly so well.

I now remind everyone - (though all adults now) - it's just easier.

bassingtonffrench · 09/12/2013 16:34

Actually I don't remember my friends birthdays either. But I would make an exception for family twins on their first birthday. Even though they are not aware it is just special somehow.

But I might not be on time with the card so hold out OP!

and happy birthday twins!

fluffyraggies · 09/12/2013 16:44

I am surprised about your PILs not sending their twin GDDs a card on the first birthday OP! How odd.

Aunts and uncles ... well, we do in our family, but from reading the thread it seems not in all families.

Personally we would be more inclined to remember a first birthday for a niece or nephew than subsequent ones strangely. (although we try to remember them all of course)

Original poster
GirlRunning · 09/12/2013 16:48

bassingtonffrench yes absolutely you're right and I think thats why I'm so surprised / disappointed - it was a big event when they were born, they arrived early, SCBU stay only just made it out in time for Christmas, family came to help out with DD1 etc so I'm really surprised at the lack of celebration today. Even just a text to say "can you believe it was just a year ago when dd2 and dd3 were born" etc

I will stalk the postman all week ;-)

OP posts:
maddy68 · 09/12/2013 16:55

Birthdays are just not something I bother with unless for very immediate family.
I wouldn't expect extended family and friends to give it second thought either. It's just not something we do
I'm sure they haven't ignored it, it's just bit something they ':do'

WaitMonkey · 09/12/2013 16:55

I don't think you sound grabby in the slightest. Happy Birthday to them.

DontmindifIdo · 09/12/2013 16:59

I think your brother or sister's DCs are close family, and therefore should be expected to remember and at least send a card. Sending nothing is a bit shoddy. However, as it's december, you'll probably get joint gifts.

For friends DCs, unless they have a party for their DCs, I tend not to remember/get gifts.

DontmindifIdo · 09/12/2013 17:01

Also while some families don't get gifts for DNs, yours obviously usually do if your DD1 got gifts/cards and your siblings/DH's sibling's DCs got gifts and cards.