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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU petty about friends childrens party??

88 replies

Yepyep333 · 10/10/2013 10:03

I have a close friend of 20 years, we have 5 children between us, every birthday party we have for our children they are always invited as the children all get along great! However this year she has decided not to invite mine to her dd party at her house and text saying they can come at 5pm for cake, A mutual friend mentioned her dd is going to the party there from 2 till 4.30, AIBU that I feel a bit put out! I know it's her dd birthday and she can invite who she wants but I feel a bit annoyed Confused AIBU and petty? I think I might be!!

OP posts:
havatry · 10/10/2013 10:07

I agree it's a bit upsetting but I think you have to take it on the chin. There comes a time when they choose their own friends and who they want to invite.

BlackbeltinBS · 10/10/2013 10:09

Fraid so.

Basically, sounds as though the birthday child prefers other children to yours (ones they see at school all the time, perhaps?) and as its at the house, a line has to be drawn somewhere.

MortifiedAdams · 10/10/2013 10:10

How old is her DD, and how old.are your dcs?

aderynlas · 10/10/2013 10:10

Don't blame you for feeling abit put out, but how old is the birthday girl. maybe this year she wants to invite her own friends from school. The idea for tea and cake later in the day might be her mums way of trying to keep everyone happy. Have a lovely time.

gamerchick · 10/10/2013 10:11

No I would be annoyed and wouldn't go at all. But I probably wouldn't bring it up with her. Just bear it in mind when it's my kids birthday. But I'm petty like that.

MolotovCocktail · 10/10/2013 10:11

You are within reason to feel this way because I can see why you feel like you're being rebuffed. However, you'd be unreasonable to act upon your feelings because children choose their own friends when they get to a certain age.

Original poster
Yepyep333 · 10/10/2013 10:12

Thought so, it's just that my children may not have necessarily wanted to invite hers but as we are like family I thought it was just a given X

OP posts:
Amrapaali · 10/10/2013 10:13

Maybe shes planning something else a little bit special for you?? A sort of mini get together and a bit of winding down, and some calm playtime with your children, after sugar-induced mania??

MolotovCocktail · 10/10/2013 10:16

But Amra the kids will want to be part of the party - well, mine would.

Yep, just bear that last statement in mind when it's one of your children's next birthdays. They get to invite who they want without any interference.

VeganCow · 10/10/2013 10:17

NBU or petty.
Its as if she has consciously excluded you.
What ages are the kids, is there a big gap between yours and the birthday kid?

sweetiepie1979 · 10/10/2013 10:20

Just go at 5 and when your dd has her party invite for the whole thing, rise above OP. They will realise at some point it wasn't nice to leave your dd out. Unless of course there is a problem you Dont know about.... Have you seen much of the friend recently? Is your DD easy to get on with have the children had a fall out?

MolotovCocktail · 10/10/2013 10:20

You just need to rise above it; I think if you turn it into an issue, you risk sounding petty. But do remember this occasion and don't make your children invite hers.

Needingthework · 10/10/2013 10:21

Maybe her dd wants a school friends party, but I don't think YABU to feel upset. I would not like to be tagged on the end of the party either.

I would have arranged a birthday type tea/playdate on another day for your kids and mine, is your friend felt should could not invite your children to the actual party.

OneStepCloser · 10/10/2013 10:21

No, I wouldnt go either, it feels a little sloppy seconds to me.

Of course she can invite who she likes etc, but for your children to go after the event when birthday girl will still be on a high from her party seems a little strange.

Needingthework · 10/10/2013 10:21

if, not is

Amrapaali · 10/10/2013 10:24

Just ask her, OP. You've been friends for 20 years, I'm sure this will be an easy conversation to have....Clear the air quickly.

And you CAN read your friend. After two decades, its easy to tell if a person is spouting BS or there is a genuine issue.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/10/2013 10:26

End of an era yanbu but there seems to be a break with tradition and it's not petty to feel slightly hurt or disappointed. Flipside of being like family I find is that you can get disappointed but you're expected to suck it up.

3birthdaybunnies · 10/10/2013 10:32

Depends on the age of birthday child/your children and whether they play together at school etc. If you have a dd in the same class who plays together all the time and she has invited all the other children but not your dd then she is bu. Otherwise I would say that her dd's friends are different now and in fact when we have invited friends (at my children's request) not part of their class then the classmates tend to all play together and leave the other friend out, has also been like that when my dc go to parties with mainly children from another school.

It will probably be better as her dd will actually play with your children rather than being busy being a hostess. Also maybe she wanted to see all your children but not everyone else's siblings.

3birthdaybunnies · 10/10/2013 10:34

I do think though it would have been better for her to suggest a different day and a second cake.

Original poster
Yepyep333 · 10/10/2013 10:38

My 3 children are 5,6 and 9. Hers are 4 and 8 but we see each other all the time and they all have great friendships x

OP posts:
cantspel · 10/10/2013 10:45

Dont take it so personally. The group of children are only friends due to your friendship with the mum. The birthday girl has probably chosen to invite her own friends to the party. If you only had one child then the mum might have been more inclined to invite you as an "extra" but is probably not so feasible if you have 3.

CoffeeTea103 · 10/10/2013 10:47

Yanbu, I would feel upset too. But maybe it's a cost factor, which is 3 extra party packs, maybe they hired some specific games? And if they kept it small, just her dd close friends then at least she is still asking you to come for cake.

shewhowines · 10/10/2013 10:50

Somebody will have to draw a line in the sand at some point. If it wasn't this year it would be next.

It's a natural progression. As the kids get older they want their own friends more than their parents friends children - even if they do get on great. If numbers or space is limited, then things have to change.

This happened to us. It is natural.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 10/10/2013 10:51

I'm sure they all get on really well when it's just them but I imagine the age range might make it awkward too - I assume it's the 8 year old's party and so it might not be age appropriate for your younger two?

Junebugjr · 10/10/2013 10:55

I wouldn't be too upset about it, but I also wouldn't bother with the faff of going to just cut the cake at the end of the party. Neither would her kids be getting any invites to my own children's parties.
Can you ask her?