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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'You look well' = fat?

104 replies

wonderingifiam2013 · 02/07/2013 10:47

Ok, I'm a little hormonal and 14 weeks pregnant so at that getting a bit chunky before bump sticks out stage

I've got a tan at the moment and have gained 1/2 stone - which is more than I really wanted to have gained by this stage (I gained 4 stone last time and am determined not to gain this again as it really got me down and probably added to my PND).

What is bothering me, and I know it shouldn't, is the amount of people that keep telling me I look 'well' ... being an ex borderline anorexic in my youth I still take this as an insult :(

I know I'm being daft - but do most people take it as positive comment or that they have gained weight?

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/07/2013 10:49

No, if someone says to me I look well...I just think......oooh, I must look well!!

It is not an insult so take it for what it is...a compliment and stop over analysing it :)

thebody · 02/07/2013 10:49

No agree hate that comment and have used it to a really vile woman acquaintance to piss her off on purpose.

It means you look fat.

Sallystyle · 02/07/2013 10:50

I admit that I always think it means I look fat too

However, you are pregnant so they probably really do mean it is a compliment.. sometimes pregnant women have a lovely glow about them. Take it as a compliment :)

noddyholder · 02/07/2013 10:50

I dont think fat either More healthy and rested as opposed to ragged and stressed!

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 02/07/2013 10:50

It does?! That basterd! I was told I look well by an old friend I haven't seen in a while the other week!

Slavetothechild · 02/07/2013 10:50

Lol I know exactly what you mean !!! I was very ill last year and I am now on daily large doses of steroids as a result in my opinion I'm now fat :( but people keep telling me I look week too !!!! But you are pregnant so I'm sure you do look well don't fret about it and relax . Xx

plantsitter · 02/07/2013 10:51

Somebody told me I looked healthy the other day. That DOES mean fat :(

CloudsAndTrees · 02/07/2013 10:51

It has never meant fat when I have thought it about people. I don't say it because I know it can be taken the wrong way, but when I think it, I genuinely just think that person looks well in that they look bright and healthy and that just generally look well!

nenevomito · 02/07/2013 10:52

When people have told me I look well, I've taken it to mean that I look well.

How on earth can you take "You look well" to mean anything other than that? Bonkers like conkers.

squeakytoy · 02/07/2013 10:54

Since when did fat become the equivalent of well. If someone says you look unwell, they dont mean you look thin.

It means you look well.. it does not mean you look fat. It means you dont look knackered, pale, unwell.

It is a compliment, and to take it as anything else is wrong.

Latara · 02/07/2013 10:54

I've lost weight and got a tan so now people keep saying i look ''well and healthier'' so it doesn't always mean ''you look fat''.

Many pregnant women often do look 'glowing' meaning their hair seems glossier and their skin is good; hence the ''you look well'' comments.

As you've only gained half a stone please don't think you are getting fat.

specialsubject · 02/07/2013 10:55

it means 'you look well'.

If someone is bitchy, don't spend time with them.

you are pregnant and will get big.

SuperiorCat · 02/07/2013 10:55

Whenever I have said it, it has been a genuine compliment - as in you look healthy, relaxed, glowing, tanned etc etc

Wishfulmakeupping · 02/07/2013 10:57

I say you look well to people because they look well not because I think they look fat- have I been upsetting people for years?!

Nagoo · 02/07/2013 10:57

I think it means you look well.

It could possibly mean you usually look haggard and pasty

sixlostmonkeys · 02/07/2013 10:58

I actually appreciate it when people tell me I look well. I'm nearly always in pain and this really shows in my face (nothing I can do about it) so if I'm having a reasonably good day and someone tells me I look well I always thank them as it boosts my confidence. Does this mean that all these people who I thought were being nice to me were actually calling me fat?! - I really don't think so.
Most people say something nice because they just want to, well, say something nice :)

Glitterandglue · 02/07/2013 10:58

I've been told I look well before but I've never been fat (or approaching fat). I do however usually look like I'm a moment away from death (pale complexion and constantly overtired) so on those moments when people say I look well I'm obviously just looking a bit less deathy than usual.

Take it as a compliment. Ignore the little voice in your head that's trying to look for negative attitudes from other people regarding your appearance.

PeanutMandMs · 02/07/2013 10:59

I'm the same as SuperiorCat

Sallystyle · 02/07/2013 10:59

Well, I know my husbands grandparents use 'You look well' to mean you have gained weight.

So some people do mean it that way, but then again, they are odd.

PinkSippyCup · 02/07/2013 10:59

I say this to pregnant women all the time, I thought it was the polite option!

I have an 8mo myself, so have been through this recently and I hated people commenting on my size/ bump.
Personally I'd rather "you look well" to "you're massive!!"

Or "you look tiny, are you sure you've got you're dates right?"

It's hard because what can you say to a pregnant women that doesn't piss them off?? Even when people didn't say anything I'd get a little peeved that no one was interested

SacreBlue · 02/07/2013 11:01

YABU it has never been used that way to me, in fact one ex used to use 'you're looking well' as a set phrase to mean extra hot - not sure if that might be more disturbing to you coming from whoever ;)

Sometimes a word or a phrase can be triggering - when actually there is no hidden 'meaning' or 'intention' at all. Sometimes a compliment is just that, a compliment.

And isn't that nice that lots of people are complimenting you?

peachypips · 02/07/2013 11:03

Er no. I think it means you look... er ... well.
Like happy, ruddy, pretty etc...

squoosh · 02/07/2013 11:03

Silly literal me, I've always told people they 'look well' when I think they look well, well!

prettybird · 02/07/2013 11:06

I've never used it (or interpreted it, when it's been said to me) as meaning anything other than someone looking well ie happy, rested, fit, not tired, not haggard.

Never crossed my mind that some bitchy people might use it as code for "fat"

Take the compliment at face value and enjoy it . Even if they actually did mean it bitchily, your acceptance and appreciation of the compliment takes all the sting out of their attempt to undermine you.

Bowlersarm · 02/07/2013 11:07

I say this to people.

Sometimes people are looking particularly healthy maybe from a holiday, or a few good nights sleep, or just because they look relaxed.

I like saying this to people because I like to make them feel good. I'm worried now that I shouldn't say it .

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