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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'You look well' = fat?

104 replies

wonderingifiam2013 · 02/07/2013 10:47

Ok, I'm a little hormonal and 14 weeks pregnant so at that getting a bit chunky before bump sticks out stage Grin

I've got a tan at the moment and have gained 1/2 stone - which is more than I really wanted to have gained by this stage (I gained 4 stone last time and am determined not to gain this again as it really got me down and probably added to my PND).

What is bothering me, and I know it shouldn't, is the amount of people that keep telling me I look 'well' ... being an ex borderline anorexic in my youth I still take this as an insult :(

I know I'm being daft - but do most people take it as positive comment or that they have gained weight?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 12:01

It may surprise some people to know that not everyone is obsessed with other people's weight.

I rarely notice when my friends gain/lose weight.

Yet the way some of them go on about it, you'd think the whole world was checking out every pound on their bodies.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 02/07/2013 12:03

It does not mean you look fat!! I'm on the skinnier side of life and when they say it they mean I look well.

thebody · 02/07/2013 12:04

Op was just commenting generally. Your pregnant and entitled to feel and say what you want at any time. 😜

cocolepew · 02/07/2013 12:06

How on earth do you get fat from well? Bonkers, it means you look welll Confused

bettycocker · 02/07/2013 12:08

I know some people who use "well" in the negative sense. MIL says this to me if I have put on weight since the last time she's seen me, otherwise she tells me that I look slim! There are a few other culprits who do this.

I think most people tell someone they look well, because they look healthy, have a nice complexion, look pretty content with life.

I offended my friend when I told her she looked healthy once. She acually looked radiant. She's an outdoorsy kind of person who does loads of yoga and eats organic food. It certainly wasn't meant to be a snide dig.

Wylye · 02/07/2013 12:09

FGS, all this euphemistic crap is mentally exhausting!
"You look well" means you look well, I've never heard it used as an insult.
Frankly anyone who says crap like that is rather a disingenuous bitch. Why not just say what they think!

This kind of thing really winds me up, you can't even give someone a simple compliment anymore without it being misconstrued.

Eyesunderarock · 02/07/2013 12:10

Anyone ever had this comment from a man, or only women?

thebody · 02/07/2013 12:11

Dam, so the cow who always says to me 'you look well' I take as 'you look fat' and have always thought she was being a bitch may have been nice.

Meanwhile I have said ' you look well' back to her meaning 'you look fat you cow' thought I was being nice when I wasn't!!!

Oh dearie me. Over thinking the bitchiness.😁

bettycocker · 02/07/2013 12:12

Yes, Eyesunderarock. I've been told by plenty of men that I looked well.

cocolepew · 02/07/2013 12:13

If someone has said it when you know you've put on weight, maybe you were too thin before. Most faces look better with a bit of fat on it.

Eyesunderarock · 02/07/2013 12:14

'Yes, Eyesunderarock. I've been told by plenty of men that I looked well.'

Were they calling you fat? The bastards!

cocolepew · 02/07/2013 12:15

I got told it but two men in work last week. Because I did look well .

bettycocker · 02/07/2013 12:16

Eyesunderarock I don't think so as I'd recovered from a nasty illness. I've been told by men that I've put on weight though!

LemonBreeland · 02/07/2013 12:18

I had lots of comments of 'you look well' after I lost a lot of weight, so it can work both ways.

daimbardiva · 02/07/2013 12:24

I told someone he looked well yesterday...because he looked well and healthy and had in fact lost weight!!!

apatchylass · 02/07/2013 12:25

How weird. Never occurs to me to think it means someone looks fat. I used it to a friend the other day who looks fantastic despite having a very young baby. I meant she looked well! - Glowing and energetic and not the haggard, exhausted ratbag that most of us can look with DC under 6 months.

OP, even when you were anorexic I'm sure people did mean it genuinely. That skeletal look makes lots of people feel ill - it's so unhealthy and to say you look well may have meant you'd put weight on, but in a good way - that you looked vital and beautiful. Take it at face value. Most people aren't out to have a dig!

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/07/2013 12:41

You don't think maybe people saying you look well might have more to do with your tan and less to do with your weight? Literally, you havemore colour to your cheeks right now - so you look well!

FrancesHouseman · 02/07/2013 12:56

I don't think anyone would really tell anyone they looked fat as a conversation opener, so it truly must mean that you look well! You mention you have a tan, and I always think people look healthier and 'well'er with a bit of colour.

If you've put on a bit of weight and people are saying you look healthy, maybe that's actually the right weight for you.

Technotropic · 02/07/2013 13:05

YABU LOL

'You look fat' = 'You look fat'

'You look well' = 'You look well'

I only ever say it if I have cause to and only say it because I mean it.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 13:44

No way! I've not put on hardly any weight again with this pregnancy still fitting into my size 12 jeans. I'm 22 weeks tomorrow and my bump is very slight, and (not showing off or anything!) I really am blooming with glowing skin and hair. Everyone keeps telling me how well I look. A woman told me the other day I look really well for 22 weeks and that I used to be larger (cow). So "you look well" really does mean "you look well".

prettybird · 02/07/2013 13:53

I've recently lost 2 and a half stone. A lot of people have complimented told me that I look well.

I had felt really good about it Smile - but maybe I should have realised that I was really being insulted. ConfusedHmm

Just asked dh what the difference is between being called well and fat. He said the biggest similarity is that one has four letters and one has three letters Grin but apart from that they have two totally meanings.

sleeplessbunny · 02/07/2013 13:55

I get told I look well rather a lot at the moment, and I know I have put weight on recently. But I believe the sentiment is more "you have put some weight on and you look better for it" rather than just "you look fat"

At least that is what I'm telling myself. Grin

(I did used to be very skinny so I can believe that the extra wadding might not be a bad thing)

peachypips · 02/07/2013 13:57

I am going to start telling people they look extremely beautiful. No way that can be misunderstood.

squoosh · 02/07/2013 14:04

I'm going to tell people they look really beautiful, stare just a bit longer than is comfortable and do a bit of heavy breathing. Whilst twiddling my nipples.

Surely no one can take that as anything other than a lovely compliment?

peachypips · 02/07/2013 14:08

squoosh Grin !! Nearly spat out my tea. How about licking their face and saying 'oh yummy!' ??