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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'You look well' = fat?

104 replies

wonderingifiam2013 · 02/07/2013 10:47

Ok, I'm a little hormonal and 14 weeks pregnant so at that getting a bit chunky before bump sticks out stage

I've got a tan at the moment and have gained 1/2 stone - which is more than I really wanted to have gained by this stage (I gained 4 stone last time and am determined not to gain this again as it really got me down and probably added to my PND).

What is bothering me, and I know it shouldn't, is the amount of people that keep telling me I look 'well' ... being an ex borderline anorexic in my youth I still take this as an insult :(

I know I'm being daft - but do most people take it as positive comment or that they have gained weight?

OP posts:

moominmaiden · 02/07/2013 14:20

Well, I'm a tall size 8, and people sometimes tell me I look well, so how could it be a euphemism for 'you look fat'?

This might sound harsh but I honestly think interpretation is down to your own insecurities.

For example, if someone told me I was looking well and I was feeling particularly fragile, the worst I would think is that they were implying that I looked bloody awful the last time they saw me.

I know the 'podgy' phase of pregnancy can make you very body conscious, but if you're getting that comment a lot I would honestly take it as a compliment. When people say it in pregnancy, they mean you are 'glowing' :)

imnotmymum · 02/07/2013 14:22

I interpreter it as "well" like peachy says, in my case if someone says" you look well" I think I must have lost weight...and I am sticking to that

MooncupGoddess · 02/07/2013 14:25

No one ever used to tell me I looked well, but since I turned 35 I hear it all the time. So I have been taking it as 'I know you're getting on, but you still look vaguely OK', which is depressing but better than the alternative.

Maybe though they are commenting on the size of my arse. Hmm.

MamaChubbyLegs · 02/07/2013 14:25

When I was younger, I was anorexic. I hated it when people said I looked well, because it meant I looked better = I had gained weight. It is NOT an insult. People were trying to be nice without mentioning the thing that would have upset me (weight gain)

"You look well" means "You look well". It might mean youre looking better than you have done. Gained weight, lost weight, recovered from illness, blooming in pregnancy after the rubbish first trimester etc.

'You look well" is a nice thing to say. It means "you look nice"

It could be worse. All my best friends are painfully blunt (probably why they tolerate me, and why I love them so!) I used to get "Bloody hell, Mama, you're a fucking house!" (I was... still am, actually! Can't wait til people start telling me I look well again )

parttimer79 · 02/07/2013 14:26

I'd take it as looking tanned/not knackered/in good shape.
Except right now, I'm 8 months pregnant, they definitely mean fat

But since it is a preferable alternative to ooh you're looking massive I'll take it. I do look well. (I also look massively pregnant).

Hope that despite the triggering comments you are feeling well!

Chesntoots · 02/07/2013 14:29

I think it means fat too...

A colleague said this to me months ago and was mortified when I told him what it meant to me. I even polled some of the other females where I work, and the consensus was "He said what? Cheeky bastard!".

Bless him, he just didn't get it. It has turned into a bit of a joke with him and another colleague. In fact the other colleague uses it as a bit of a sneaky insult...

JemimaMuddledUp · 02/07/2013 14:31

I have found the opposite. I have lost almost 5 stone over the past year and the most used comment people make when they don't want to comment directly on your weight is "Gosh, you look well!"

Nobody ever told me I looked well when I was fat

TheRealFellatio · 02/07/2013 14:31

I don't think half a stone at 14 weeks is an unreasonable amount of weight gain at all, and I think you are being hormonal and daft to be reading anything into the 'you look well' comment. Get a grip.

TheRealFellatio · 02/07/2013 14:34

I think people will take it to mean whatever they expect people to see/think iyswim. So if you know you've lost loads of weight you'll take it as a compliment, or as a subtle acknowedgement of your weight loss (assuming you look better for it, and if not you can expect to be told 'you look tired/pinched' accompanied by a head tilt ) or if you have put on weight then any comment about your appearance whatsoever will be taken as some veiled dig that you have got fatter.

Pagwatch · 02/07/2013 14:47

Bloody hell. Is this another thing that is super secret code for an insult?
Really?

I say 'you look well' when someone is looking great - usually in a healthy/bright eyed/glowing way.

Op. I am sure you just look great.

blueshoes · 02/07/2013 14:49

If I tell someone they look well, it is because they do, not because they are fat. If someone tells me I look well, I assume that is what they mean.

I am not fat nor consider myself to be.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 02/07/2013 15:09

I dont think it means 'you look fat' but it is often used in close connection with having put on weight.

You have to be careful with how you feel about this stuff though and realise it might be your own demons, as some posters have noted. When I've had funny phases with my weight, I actually haven't been aiming to 'look well' and I would have rathered be thought of as looking a bit peaky but thin, than plumper but 'well'. And being thin doesn't often go with looking well.

samandi · 02/07/2013 15:14

I would assume it means they think I look well That's how I use it, anyway.

MediumOrchid · 02/07/2013 15:19

I think 'you look well' is ok. Someone told me my dress was 'flattering' recently - now that does mean 'the dress makes you look slightly less fat'!

MarshaBrady · 02/07/2013 15:22

You look well when you're pregnant is more likely to mean you look happy and lovely.

Post-dc more likely to mean you don't look sleep deprived.

Elquota · 02/07/2013 17:11

What about people who are large and aren't looking particularly well?

"You look well and not well today!"

Elquota · 02/07/2013 17:13

Someone told me my dress was 'flattering' recently - now that does mean 'the dress makes you look slightly less fat'!

Yes, and I've also wondered if it means "you don't usually wear flattering clothes" or "your figure needs flattering"? As it happens I'm not very interested in fashion or clothes, but I wouldn't expect actual criticism veiled or otherwise!

mrsjay · 02/07/2013 17:15

you are pregnant not fat dont be daft seriously the person meant you look well you are meant to put on weight , I looked like an old hag when iw as pregnant all withered and puking every 5 minutes nobody said i looked well in fact I was told by a woman on this is taking its toll on you eh which means you look shit

quip · 02/07/2013 17:18

Where I come from it has the meaning "you've put on weight" or "you look fat".

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/07/2013 17:25

Ooh I hope it doesn't mean that because yesterday I might an old friend I've not seen for a while in the supermarket and she said "You're looking well !"
Being me, and not overly sensitive about these weight/appearance pressures I just smiled and said "You are too !"
But maybe you're right and she meant something more complicated
Never mind. I shall keep right on in blissful ignorance of such subtleties

NotAroundTheEyes · 02/07/2013 17:26

Since when has it ever been a euphemism for fat

women be crazy

Incidentally: historically, 'well' has changed its meaning. Now we think of it as the opposite of 'ill', but actually, it used to mean just 'nice', 'pretty', 'pleasant'. CF Austen and Heyer books, where people are always saying things like "I thought that bonnet looked very well on Mrs Miggins" etc. etc.

My male pals are always telling me I look 'well', and it never has anything to do with my weight (they've said it at various sizes across a 3 stone range ). It's just a nice, non-sleazy, low-key way of saying you look nice.

OP try and enjoy your pregnancy :) You obviously look great

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/07/2013 17:26

met not might

NotAroundTheEyes · 02/07/2013 17:30

Quick search reveals that the use of 'well' to mean Nice, or Pretty, or Charming, or Attractive, rather than 'fat' or 'not about to die of some horrid disease', is quite recent.

In 1935, Raymond Chandler wrote "She wore pale blue slacks and they looked well on her" (from The Big Sleep)

Since she also "walked as if she were floating" I don't think she was a fatso as well

I realise I am taking this too seriously

BeccasBridesmaid · 02/07/2013 19:03

I don't think it's always meant to be bitchy. In my experience, most people either say 'you've lost weight' or 'you look well'. The latter is said instead of the former, if you haven't obviously lost weight or have put some on. It's not meant to be snide, just a compliment that people use when they can't comment on weight-loss.

I am ALWAYS being told I look well. Being slightly larger each time they see me must suit me!

Also, if your friend knows you were anorexic, she probably thinks it's great that you've put on a tiny amount of weight and honestly does think you look well on it.

JacqueslePeacock · 02/07/2013 19:06

God, it does?? Who knew.

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