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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I/we are being pushed out?

382 replies

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 17:35

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

OP posts:

pictish · 10/06/2013 21:01

SHG yy to everything you wrote there.

Original poster

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:02

Jeez I've never known anything like this, not even at school.

OP posts:

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:03

I had a male Wendy s few years back.....always trying to stir trouble between me and a particular female friend.

I lost my rag with the female friend one day after he'd told me she said some rubbish and totally called her out on it.
To find out this hadn't happened! We compared notes and realised we'd been played off against one another.
I ended up confronting him in the end....game over.

pictish · 10/06/2013 21:07

Yes...I think the fb thing is designed to let YOU know that they are sharing something you are not.
It's outwardly innocent you see...a bit daft even! There's no other reason for it though. She knows you can see it. She's drawing them in and pushing you out. I have no doubt about this at all.

I can well imagine someone who has never experienced the wrath of Wendy reading this thread and thinking 'what a load of paranoid crap - grow up!'

I would far rather have paranoia frankly.

Original poster

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:07

Well I'm off to get some work done. I'll report back in a day or two if anyone's interested in an update. Thanks for all the advice, I've gone from wanting to just do nothing to actually wanting to deal with this now so thank you.

OP posts:

GladbagsGold · 10/06/2013 21:08

I'd write on her Facebook wall 'x y and z and I were chatting and they said Friday night is party night, sounds great, what shall we bring?'

She will hate that you've been talking to the friends she is trying to steal. But can't publicly uninvite you. And also can't say 'look she's inviting herself to things' as you are backed up by x y and z and she would look mean leaving you out.

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 10/06/2013 21:08

Happened to me too once, had never experienced anything like it before, even at school.

Luckily it was with a newish group not really old/close friends. Weird but seemingly all too common.

Hope you get a good outcome. That other Wendy thread was very sad.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 10/06/2013 21:09

Agree you need to nip it now, OP, like Now!! Call her out about Friday in front of people, witnesses essential, and stand your ground. Don't let her take over. Trust your instincts.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:12

Thing is.... (and sorry to use the same delightful sort of analogy, but this woman is a massive spraffing cock)....this FB post is her peaking too soon.

A few people will be wondering why she's publicly drawn attention to something like a text message. Not an email, or a PM, but a bleeping, flashing text message.

frumpet · 10/06/2013 21:14

I wonder if wendy is on here and has noticed this thread and is going at your friends guns blazing via text ?

GenuineBrunetteRoots · 10/06/2013 21:14

My 'Wendy' always wrote on my friends' FB walls too. It's definitely done for effect and so that you see it, otherwise they'd just send a text, or make a phone call

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:16

Why post on Facebook that you've sent three people a text message? It's like she wants to draw attention to it. Stupid cow.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 21:16

You soooo need to call her out on this in front of all your friends, all dressed up in your own concern and hurt.

You need to ask her directly why you were excluded, have you done something to upset her (concerned face) and then say you might be feeling a bit fragile/paranoid about it all but it seemed especially with the FB message about the text, that it's almost like she's deliberately trying to let you know you are excluded (puzzled/hurt face).

And you need to do this ASAP - the very next time you're all together.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:19

I'd ignore the FB post altogether and just ask about the party. Don't say you're feeling fragile etc, as she'll be all over that....you'll end up being made to look fragile and paranoid. When in fact, she's a massive knobber.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:21

Just stick to hard facts....you're definitely not invited. Just work with that. The stupid FB post might be about her galloping thrush (I hope) for all you know.

onedev · 10/06/2013 21:22

Thankfully not me personally but I have seen it with other friends - it's crazy. What is it with people (seemingly women!) that makes them act this way??

Personally I agree with everyone who says to confront her on it in front of everyone & ask 'innocently' what you've done to offend as you're very upset at being excluded when you've no idea why.

Good luck Op.

Original poster

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:23

I'm almost too embarrassed to mention this now as you'll wonder why I never said earlier but I received a really unpleasant anonymous letter last week warning me about my friend (my closest friend). At the time I had no idea (or was perhaps in denial) who might have sent it but it's pretty obvious to me now who it was. I feel like such a fucking idiot.

OP posts:

pictish · 10/06/2013 21:23

Agree with min.

Don't mention the fb thing...it will just convolute the main point and add to the idea that you're a bit paranpid.

Get straight to the heart of the matter. "Have we done something to offend?" asap in front of everyone. Pleasant and concerned...pleasant and concerned...but make that point.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:25

Ok, my love. Your friend needs to see that letter.
Can you give us the bare bones of it?

carabossse · 10/06/2013 21:25

Maintain your friendships otherwise Wendy will hint, and they'll agree , that you're not interested in socialising at the moment / too busy / being odd etc. And it'll be easier for everyone to follow Wendy 's lead and stop inviting you. No-one will do it consciously, it'll happen, and they'll feel it was nothing they did, you chose to disappear.

Any chance of finding out from her last victim how they managed to oust her from that group? I suspect someone spotted her as a Wendy and curtailed her plans.

Also do not be cautious of letting your friends know what's happening e.g. not being invited to events etc. Their loyalty is at the moment still with you. Let them know factually what she does with a "I can't think why, can you?" air. Also expect her to be faux-friends in public, don't be taken in by that, but use it to your advantage. E.g. if enquiring if you're invited, do it publicly.

Somethingtothinkabout · 10/06/2013 21:25

Did you mention the letter to your close friend OP?

Or to Wendy?

I would mention it to your friend. What did it say?

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:26

Have you told your friend about the letter, Harry? I'd show it to them. What kind of fucking nutjob does something like that? She sounds more like a bloody psycho to me.

FryOneFatManic · 10/06/2013 21:26

You may want to check with this friend. Has she had an unpleasant letter about you?

Maybe by talking with her about it you don't need to mention any names or even hint, but just suggest that someone close to you both seems to be trying to drive a wedge between you. It may be enough to set her alarms ringing too.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 21:26

Have you showed your friend the letter?

That's actually really quite sinister. Do you know any of the ex-friends who she had a falling out with? Any chance of getting any info from them about what happened?

frumpet · 10/06/2013 21:27

You got a letter warning you about your closest friend ? ok what did it say ?

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