Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I/we are being pushed out?

382 replies

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 17:35

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 10/06/2013 20:35

Could you ring up your best friend from the group and ask if she fancies going out on Friday. when she then says 'oooh what about Wendy's drinks' you can say, what I was nfi.

And let it be known that wendy has excluded you. Because if I was your friend in this situation I would be very Hmm at wendy.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 20:38

MrsCB My closest friend knows already because she was talking about it this morning and asking me what I was going to wear (she assumed we'd be there). She looked mortified to be honest.

OP posts:
pictish · 10/06/2013 20:39

Had I known then what I know now, or had a fraction of the confidence I now possess, I'd have seen her off right at the very beginning, no fucking about.

Once they're 'in' they are very hard to deal with though. They work quickly and skillfully, and of course, the only person who can what is really going on, is the very person they want to discredit, so that fact even works in their favour.

Night. Mare.

MrsCampbellBlack · 10/06/2013 20:39

Well that's good. I would casually let everyone know you weren't invited and let them draw their conclusions.

And I would stop inviting wendy to stuff too.

MrsCampbellBlack · 10/06/2013 20:42

Yes, reading what Pictish said, I think I'd say to some of the others that you're very upset at not being invited. You are not being childish at all.

And best to say something now.

Justfornowitwilldo · 10/06/2013 20:42

You could just turn up to her drinks thing as if you had been asked.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 20:43

We have a couple of events coming up that we'll both be at; a wedding, theatre trip, 40th birthday party. Do I be excrutiatingly nice to her over the next few months and just make sure I'm around as much as possible in the hope she'll get bored or do I ask her what the fuck she is playing at?

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 20:44

Whereyouleftit talks sense here. This bloody woman is relying on social niceties and on people being polite....call her on it. Make her justify her actions. If the avenues I suggested aren't possible....go for ^ these ones.

MrsCampbellBlack · 10/06/2013 20:45

Personally, I'd talk to your friends first and ask what they think you should do. Honestly, at this stage she's not close to them and their loyalty will be with you.

RaspberrySchnapps · 10/06/2013 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 20:50

Just logged on to Facebook. She's written a wall post to three of our friends telling them that she's sent them a text. That's just weird.

OP posts:
maddening · 10/06/2013 20:52

you need a game plan - to bring your friends closer to you again and topple Wendy without her realising you are on to her ...

I would start with your best friend - a weekend away just her, you and one other. Get things booked in her diary. Has she any birthday or celebrations soon?

what is it Wendy is doing to find favour at the mo with this friend? What do you have in common with friend that Wendy def doesn't have (in order to ensure Wendy can not invite herself along).

am sure that mm can come up with a fab strategy (and with the followers of Allan behind you you can not fail).

pictish · 10/06/2013 20:52

Do not underestimate the lengths these women will go to, to make themselves indispensible to the right people. They are chameleons of the highest order, changing their skin to blend in with their chosen surroundings.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 20:52

I wouldn't say anything to your friends behind her back but I'd ask her straight out in front of everyone if you've done something to warrant being excluded.

I'd also find a way to uninvite her from the BBQ, perhaps by just never getting round to confirming the details/date/time with her.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 20:53

I think this is going to blow over very quickly.
Who else thinks this bird has shot her wad already? That's very attention-seeking. OP....do nowt for now.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 20:54

Nowt about the FB post text thingies, that is.

pictish · 10/06/2013 20:54

Is one of those recipients of her all important text, your good friend?

minouminou · 10/06/2013 20:55

Or the friend you spoke to today....the one who was mortified?

minouminou · 10/06/2013 20:56

We need an official MN Wendy Action Plan.

VikingLady · 10/06/2013 20:57

I agree with DrGoogle about asking her what you have done to offend her in front of everyone else

I've been in this situation too, and this worked a treat. She really didn't know what to say. I pitched it as being confused and a bit upset to think that I could have maybe said something tactless - I got a lot of sympathy from people who had begun to suspect this girl was a Wendy.

FB message sounds a bit juvenile.

pictish · 10/06/2013 20:57

We do don't we?

SplitHeadGirl · 10/06/2013 20:58

Yes, Pictish, it is almost impossible to completely get over it because there are no answers as to WHY she targets YOU, and you are left wondering....and the very people you would usually turn to for advice are the ones she is manipulating so you can't say anything for fear they think you are mad and trying to create waves....you are really alone!!!

I really urge the OP not to just let it go. The Wendy won't let it go, and years later it will STILL hurt is she doesn't deal with it now.

Like you, I still have feel crap about it all twenty years later. I still see her face, clear as day, and how she made me feel comes flooding back to me.

RaspberrySchnapps · 10/06/2013 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 20:58

Yes, one text/message was to the one I'm closest too. And I think you're right Pictish, she says whatever the person she is with wants to hear.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:01

and the very people you would usually turn to for advice are the ones she is manipulating so you can't say anything for fear they think you are mad and trying to create waves....you are really alone!!!

This is exactly how I feel. I'm really reluctant to say anything at all to any of my friends for fear of how it may make me look.

OP posts: