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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think that I/we are being pushed out?

382 replies

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 17:35

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

OP posts:
myBOYSareBONKERS · 10/06/2013 21:44

Sorry to play devils advocate but what makes you so sure that Wendy sent the letter?

Really don't want to accuse her of it or even make out in a round about way that it is her as it may back fire.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:45

There's nothing identifying on the letter at all. Just script on plain white paper. I'm going to show it to my friend I really didn't want to but I think I have to now. I keep changing my mind about what to do, I've never been in a situation anything like this before.

OP posts:
SplitHeadGirl · 10/06/2013 21:45

Your friend won't see her the way YOU see her. Plus she will want to reassure you about this woman. She won't be entirely objective. Follow your instinct and the advice you have been given here!!!

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:46

Yup yup....just show her the letter and say nothing more. Other than that you don't believe it.
This is bonkers.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:47

Actually Bonkers you really do have a point. I can't think who else it could have been at all. I'm getting so confused about everything.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 10/06/2013 21:47

You MUST show your friend the letter. Rumble the Wendy asap.

I have a Wendy in my life.

She's targeted two of my lovely friends and it's totally worked with one of them.

The Wendy always used to refer to my friend as, "Your special friend, C,....".

I don't hear from her or barely see C anymore since Wendy worked her charm offensive. It's like C circles me, arranging stuff with other mutual friends but avoiding me at all costs. Our dss used to be great friends too.

I miss C a lot Sad but it's utterly futile trying to re-establish the friendship even though C has seen Wendy at her worst, stamping her foot and crying when she couldn't make an impromptu event with us 4.

My Wendy is so very popular with everyone I know.

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:47

You definitely need to show your friend the letter. If someone was sending nasty, malicious letters like that about you wouldn't you want to know about it? I know I would.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 10/06/2013 21:48

Also posted before seeing about the letter. Very odd.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:48

Don't worry. Like I said earlier....stick to facts.
I'd forget about her poxy drinks party for now, as well.
So, fact....you have a letter.
Did you keep the envelope?

FryOneFatManic · 10/06/2013 21:48

You don't tell your friend who you think sent it, only that someone in your friendship group isn't as nice as they seem.

And I agree you NEED to speak to someone from the old group of friends who fell out with Wendy. If letters appeared in that friendship group too, it's something else that is evidence (for want of a better word) that it's not you being oversensitive.

FatherSpodoKomodo · 10/06/2013 21:49

Do you know her old group of friends? I think it would be good to see what happened there and if she has form for anonymous letters etc.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:49

Winky my apparent Wendy used to always refer to my friend as 'your bestest buddy' and make comments about how nice it was that we were so close.

OP posts:
DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 21:50

My Wendy is so very popular with everyone I know.

Sounds shit Winky. It just baffles me how these people do get to be so popular and liked by everyone who can't see thru them though... How do they do it??

vivizone · 10/06/2013 21:50

You received a letter about your good friend but you didn't tell her?

No wonder this woman is taking the piss with you. She sees you as weak. You have had the whole day today to discuss this with your other friends/pull her up about Friday but you have remained quiet. All this taking the high road will not work here. If you do not nip this in the bud now, say goodbye to your friends. Please do update.

RaspberrySchnapps · 10/06/2013 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:51

Do you know ANY of her old group, Harry?
Can you invent a reason to need to speak to one of them, and ask Wendy to give you her number or FB page?
Serves two purposes....you may get to the old friends, and you'll shit her up.
Ask her in front of people.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:51

I do still have the envelope. I see her old group of friends in passing a few times a week but I don't really know them. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to them.

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:53

Ok, this is good.
Just steam in there. This is no time for, as a PP said, taking the high road.

FryOneFatManic · 10/06/2013 21:53

Just ask one of them nicely if they can tell you why they fell out with Wendy. You may find that it all comes pouring out.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 10/06/2013 21:54

You must show your friend the letter about her but steer it in such a way that you try and think who could dislike HER so much and is so threatened by your friendship.

This will then be the ideal time to show what a great long term friend you are as you can reassure her that this person (who ever it is) will not get in-between your friendship and that you know and value her far more than what ever has been written.

Can also drop in some little ditties of humorous past events to make her remember your history. Then if the conversation gradually steers onto Wendy . . . . . well . . . . .

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:54

No wonder this woman is taking the piss with you. She sees you as weak. You are totally right Viv. I'm the laid back one of the group, the one who always tries to see everyone's point of view, always has a smile on my face, tries to make everyone feel better. And now this woman is making me feel like shit and I've let her. I didn't show my friend the letter because I didn't want to hurt her. I don't know if I'm more angry with Wendy or at myself.

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:55

Yup yup, Fry.
Someone in that group has had a nightmare like yours, and somehow, they got rid of Wendy. You will find an ally there.

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:55

Harry, can you contact them on Facebook and ask them?

Who introduced this woman into the group? Was it you or someone else?

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:56

Can you imagine going through life like this bloody woman?
Does she have drop-down menus appearing on her corneas? Helping her to choose her targets?

carlywurly · 10/06/2013 21:59

I really want to smack Wendy (and I'm not a violent type)

What the hell do these people - adults- get out of behaving this way? It's so fucked up. Angry