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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I/we are being pushed out?

382 replies

HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 17:35

Sounds very childish I know but I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive.

I have a group of friends who I see regularly and sometimes our partners also get together. Sometimes we go out as couples too. Another woman who I have known for a while but had a different friendship group had a falling out with her friends at the start of the year so we started inviting her and her husband out with us, I have always got on really well with her. Recently they (the woman in particular) seem to have really taken to a particular couple in the group (my close friend) and ask them out a lot - I have absolutely NO problem with this, they can go out with whomever they want obviously, but it seems to be a little secretive on her part, though my other friend tells me. I found out at the weekend that this couple are hosting a drinks party on Friday night and have invited other members of our friendship group apart from us. I feel stupidly hurt by this and although I will off course not say anything, as its entirely up to them who they invite to their house, I feel like we're being pushed put. I probably sound jealous and childish so accept im probably being ridiculous! Am I being oversentitive?

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:27

Yep. I think we're dealing with a live one here.
I reckon your chum has had a letter too.

carabossse · 10/06/2013 21:28

Your friend needs to see the letter and know that you think it's bollocks.
What's the chance that another letter was sent with you as the subject? Consider this a warning shot if not open warfare.

frumpet · 10/06/2013 21:29

Definately check with her last 'group of friends ' , i wonder if any of them got a letter ?

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:30

Show your friend the letter OP if you haven't already. I'm astounded that someone would do something like that. Does the silly bitch not realise you'd work out it was her, and/or show it your friend?

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:31

It wasn't threatening or anything, just warning me about her and that she wasn't a true friend. That everyone knew 'things about her that you don't' and various other shitty little comments. I didn't show or tell my friend because she would have been really upset about it and I didn't want to hurt her. This is like a really bad episode of Marple now. I'm really going to have to deal with this now aren't I.

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:32

In fact, I'm up for you taking a photo and putting it on YOUR FB.
Of course this may not be that great an idea. Blank the fruend's name, maybe.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:32

But Celtic I didn't work out it was her immediately OR show my friend. I'm a fucking idiot and she knows it.

OP posts:
pictish · 10/06/2013 21:33

That's unchartered territory for me I have to say.
if she sent that letter, then my overall feeling is the truth will out and she'll be done for.

My Wendy was perfectly sane and rational, and would never have been so overt.

KeatsiePie · 10/06/2013 21:33

I have nothing to add to the great advice here but really want to see you triumph over the Wendy. What a nasty way to act.

FryOneFatManic · 10/06/2013 21:34

She seems to be moving pretty quickly. What is behind her rush? It's certainly got the chance of going pear-shaped (for her) because it's not subtle enough at this early stage.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 10/06/2013 21:34

Are you absolutely sure you're not invited? I had a party recently and a text went astray so one person in group of friends thought she wasn't invited but didn't say anything till after the party. In fact the Wendy in my group knew very well that this woman thought she wasn't invited and didn't say anything to correct her even though I had mentioned to her that I had had no reply from friend X. I was really upset as I absolutely hate leaving people out.

CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:35

But you've realised it's her now Harry and that is what matters. Does your friend have something that this woman wants I wonder hence her desperation to oust you as her BFF?

KeatsiePie · 10/06/2013 21:36

What! I x-posted with the letter. That is really over the top. You have to show your friend, or at least ask her if she got a letter about you. In fact, you could ask the whole friend group (publicly) if anyone else is getting nasty character-assassinating letters.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:37

Yup. Fuck it. Blank out her name, and get it posted.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 21:37

She's not that clever after all. She's working far too fast and the letter coupled with the FB thing this evening tells me she's going to massively fuck this up very soon. That's probably what happened with the last group.

Is the letter handwritten or typed? Hand delivered or posted? It'll be interesting to know if your friend got a letter about you too. You could mention them to Wendy and tell her you're getting the police involved.

LatteLady · 10/06/2013 21:38

How about sending the Wendy the following text. "DP has mentioned your drinks on Friday, I don't think we were invited, did you DP ask him as would not want to just turn up - still on for our July BBQ"

Fires a warning shot...

BTW, I have a Deborah who cannot bear for you to see anyone else if she is not there but regularly sends one of the group (by rotation) into Purdah. I have walked away and the other chums are now following... God forbid you start to date someone (we are all now single) then you totally persona non grata.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:38

It's risky, but if someone else in your group has got a letter like this as well......

SplitHeadGirl · 10/06/2013 21:39

I can't understand what these Wendies (Wendys??) get out of this!! What is their pay-off?? Wouldn't life be easier for them just to be nice and kind to EVERYONE?? They would still be part of the friendship group without the effort of ousting someone.

Or maybe they are just vindictive and like to play games with people's lives. Maybe that's it.

OP DEFINITELY deal with this now. Otherwise if this woman gets her way, and you lose your friends, it will play on your mind for perhaps years and years.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:39

I'm seeing my friend on our own on Wednesday. I think I may have to just trust her and tell her how I feel and see what she thinks. She's pretty direct and if she thinks I'm wrong she'll tell me and I'll know I have to change tack a bit. I hate this, it's actually really affecting my life right now, my friends mean a lot to me.

OP posts:
CelticPixie · 10/06/2013 21:40

If the letter was threatening in tone I'd suggest going to the police.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:40

No no no! You're allowing other people to steer you here!
Show her the letter.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 10/06/2013 21:41

The letter was typed and posted (of course).

OP posts:
minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:41

Apparently it's not threatening.
Harry, can you contact one of her old friends? Someone in that group may be desperate to talk to you!

FryOneFatManic · 10/06/2013 21:42

You have to show your friend the letter. Otherwise you run the risk that anything you say will be dismissed and minimised. The letter is evidence that something is wrong.

minouminou · 10/06/2013 21:43

Typed or printed from a PC?
Any identifying numbers/serial numbers/IP addresses on the sheet of paper?

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