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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

woman was trying to force dd to eat a hamwidge

512 replies

rosepettel · 13/05/2013 05:54

yesterday i got told by dd that her mate mum was trying to force her to eat a hamwidge even thou we are veges.. dd got very upset and distressed.. im going to ring the woman and go nuts but what can i say..why would she do this she knows we are veges..im so angry at the min what would you do? woman was saying just eat it i wont tell youre mum but dd was saying no i dont want it and was crying i am so angry.. what will i do please help?

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 13/05/2013 05:59

I don't think going nuts is a good idea but when you feel calmer you could call her. I assume your DD wants to remain friends with her daughter so you don't want a big fallout. Are you sure DD was crying?

Original poster
rosepettel · 13/05/2013 06:01

when she came out she had wet eyes so i said have you been crying and she burst in to tears and told me

OP posts:
Labootin · 13/05/2013 06:04

Hamwidge ?
Vege?

Possibly swallow a dictionary ?

Bossybritches22 · 13/05/2013 06:08

Agree have a firm but calm word when you have had time to gather your thoughts.

Make it about DD & how you are sure she wouldn't want her to be upset again by any misunderstanding.

If you can have a face to face chat so she gets it, ignorant woman.

Hope yr DD is ok, sadly rhis may happen again & she needs to know it's OK to refuse food; she probably felt she was being rude.

Bossybritches22 · 13/05/2013 06:09

Labootin NOT helpful.

LittleMissLucy · 13/05/2013 06:11

encourage, or force? what do you mean, force?

Hakluyt · 13/05/2013 06:13

How old is the child?

pofacedlemonsucker · 13/05/2013 06:19

So, at five to six in the morning, you are fretting over something called a hamwidge?

Presumably dd is old enough to say 'no thank you I am a vegetarian' if she is old enough to go off on play dates without you specifying food allergies etc with the other mother? If a child came to tea at mine, I'm afraid I would probably serve meat if I hadn't been told in advance - and I may have assumed the child was swinging the lead if the mum hasn't let me know... I'd have just blinked and offered a cheesewidge (?!) probably though.

I am more fascinated by why this is essential right now though. Perhaps you could call her before breakfast?

pofacedlemonsucker · 13/05/2013 06:20

Maybe you could open with 'I'm so sorry about yesterday! I clear forgot to tell you that dd is a vegetarian! I hope it didn't cause you any bother!'

pofacedlemonsucker · 13/05/2013 06:22

Does she think you are forcing her to be a vege then? In a sort of militant child abuse from protein withdrawal thang?

(There are vegetarian kids who eat meat when their parents aren't around, btw Grin I know two.)

She was probably just kidding, and dd didn't realise. Insensitive, but she's going to get it a lot, probably.

Pozzled · 13/05/2013 06:29

Read the op, people. The friend knew they were vegetarian, and the DD DID say no thank you.

OP, I agree to calling when you are calm rather than going mad. I would talk about how upset your DD was, and say that if she wishes to discuss your parenting choices, she should come directly to you. Are there any choices that the other mum feels strongly about? Can you ask her how she'd have felt if her DD was being encouraged to do something which is against her rules or beliefs?

NotTreadingGrapes · 13/05/2013 06:31

I think what you should do is, as others have said, calm down, then next time you see the woman, after politely thanking her for having your daughter round, mention that dd told you about the ham.

And next time, maybe mention it before a playdate.

Original poster
rosepettel · 13/05/2013 06:31

shes 4 and an half and the woman did a table of food it was birth day party and wen they went in living room dd then went back to kitchen with otherdd to get more drink and the woman put the hamwidge on her plate and just eat it i wont tell youre mum go on and why dont you just eat it its nice you will like it and she said no and older dd was watching but did not no what to do shes 6

OP posts:
Original poster
rosepettel · 13/05/2013 06:32

she knows we are veges

OP posts:
Jinty64 · 13/05/2013 06:34

I would let that friendship go. Encourage DD to make new friends with parents who will respect her wishes. I don't think I would even say anything to the mother unless she asks. If that's her attitude it's not worth the bother.

pinkyredrose · 13/05/2013 06:35

Ham sandwich being called hamwich is growing on me.

Can we have beefwich or saladwich? How about hummuswich?

Original poster
rosepettel · 13/05/2013 06:36

i had a jamwich on thurs so probably

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/05/2013 06:37

id have a discussion with dd about how she feels about it.
and avoid the other family.

MrsPresley · 13/05/2013 06:41

Oh I thought a hamwich was one of these things we got years ago.

It was a little triangular shape of cheese and ham coated in breadcrumbs (I think)

They came from the freezer section, can't remember if it was Birds Eye or Findus that made them, but they were bloody awful Grin

Moominsarehippos · 13/05/2013 06:44

DBIL calls very large sandwiches 'manwidges'.

RollerCola · 13/05/2013 06:52

Interesting. I now understand the concept of the hamwidge, except that in our house a 'widge' = 'tiny willy'

TheChaoGoesMu · 13/05/2013 06:53

The woman sounds like an arse. I would ask her why she was trying to get your dd to eat meat when she knows she's veggie.

Original poster
rosepettel · 13/05/2013 07:02

bread

ham

bread

OP posts:
GingerBlondecat · 13/05/2013 07:03

calm Down, take a Deep Breath. Then go to town on this idiot.

LilBlondePessimist · 13/05/2013 07:05

They were Bernard Matthews and they were called cheese hamwiches. I bloody loved them and I think they might still be available. That aside, they are obviously completely unsuitable for a vegetarian. (and if you look at the word, it could be perfectly logical to shorten it to vege).

Anyhow, I would phone her, ask her why she tried to 'encourage' your daughter to try meat when she knows fine well she is vegetarian and ask her kindly not to do it again. In a firm way Grin. Good luck.