woman was trying to force dd to eat a hamwidge

[rosepettel]

yesterday i got told by dd that her mate mum was trying to force her to eat a hamwidge even thou we are veges.. dd got very upset and distressed.. im going to ring the woman and go nuts but what can i say..why would she do this she knows we are veges..im so angry at the min what would you do? woman was saying just eat it i wont tell youre mum but dd was saying no i dont want it and was crying i am so angry.. what will i do please help?

[IHideVegInRice]

Sorry to hijack OP

I just think..you've made a decision for your young child, and an adult has potentially tried to undermine it. It's up to you, and later your DD, to consider whether that decision is the correct one - not some hamwidge brandishing busy body.

[TwistTee]

I'm surprised anyone is questioning your 4 yr olds version of events. My dd is the same age and is very capable of remembering exactly what someone has said to her. You know your child and you no doubt can tell when she isn't telling the truth. With a 4yr old, this is very easy to determine.
What she may misunderstand is the intent, but not the words. I'm afraid that the fact that the adult said, "I won't tell your mum" shows exactly what her intent was.
I agree that she probably thinks you are forcing your dd to be a vegetarian and does not approve. Ridiculous, isn't it.
And why do people find it hard to believe an adult could behave this badly?

I would not confront her. It will make no difference to such an opinionated person. If you go mental on her, she will either imply your dd misunderstood or use it to justify her warped sense of her own importance in trying to 'improve' your dd's diet. Instead, I would heap praise on your dd for maintaining her refusal and explain that the lady did something wrong and sometimes adults do this.

[Scholes34]

OP - someone asks down thread whether you would have minded if your DD had tried the hamwich and liked it. A friend in a veggie and both her children were veggie until her DS at the age of 5 discovered ham at birthday parties and couldn't get enough of it. My friend was fine with him eating the ham, but he understood it wouldn't be served at home.

My DS at the age of 11 decided to become a vegetarian. As difficult as it sometimes makes meal times, I respect his decision. He eats Quorn, but whatever shape it comes in, it still tastes like cardboard.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

DH eats Quorn as he is a vegetarian for ethical reasons rather than taste reasons. He genuinely thinks that the burgers/mince is on a par with actual real burgers and mince I cook vegetarian food often and would much prefer to use just vegetables and pulses. I love chilli with just beans/peppers/mushrooms/squash etc. I don't like the spongey Quorn mince. Vile.

[witchface]

I'd. Be very unhappy with someone who said don't tell your mum. They know what they are doing is wrong or they wouldn't have to say it. I have tried to instill in my dd that if someone says this she must tell me, in my case because i know it is something abusers say.

[Startail]

I think a quiet word is indicated, I'm certain neither my veggi DSIL or my Jewish DF would be at all happy if their dietary choices for their DCs are undermined.

I'm always very careful to avoid beef and gelatine for my neurotic BSE obsessed DF and her DCs even though I thing she's a bit neurotic.

At least until Y5 parents views on such things go, as DCs gain independence and move towards buying what they like at senior school, whether you tell tales to mum or not is a mute point.

[differentnameforthis]

If a hamwidge is what I just googled (see Labootin wasn't hard) then they look revolting & I wouldn't feed my children that even though they eat meat!

[differentnameforthis]

Obv not what I googled then...But I like the idea of calling it a hamwich..

Think I might have a chocwich for lunch tomorrow..

[differentnameforthis]

I'm surprised anyone is questioning your 4 yr olds version of events

My daughter is 4 & can recall a scary amount of our recent trip overseas & will tell various stories to people about the things she saw while on holiday. Her recall is amazing!

[differentnameforthis]

I say recent trip, it was December.

[CSIJanner]

So party mum ruined the party experience for your vegetarian child by trying to persuade her to eat and hamwich, then told her to keep it a secret from her parents?

I'm amazed and quite in awe you didn't ring her up and bite her head off. Fair play to you. YANBU and I do think some gentle questions around the intimation, then if she did ignore your parental choices, firmly put her right.

[Moominsarehippos]

DS loves quorn sausages and won't touch real ones. He will eat any animal going though.

Children of 4 will not have perfect recall, especially if under stress/worried/upset. I remember writing an essay on child witnesses a zillion years ago when I was a student and thinking 'well I had perfect recall at that age'. Mum corrected me saying 'no, you just think you do at that age'. And as I say to DH 'you're leading the witness...' when he cross examines DS over something that happened.

Anyhoo, I remember being stressed out at a friends house by her batty grandpa who demanded (very insistant!) that I go home and tell mum that she was 'a Geordie' (he'd asked where she was from). 'She's a Geordie. Tell her she's a Geordie. Tell her I said she was a Geordie...'. I had no bloody idea what the old bugger was going on about and assumed it was something rude, and that he was trying to get me into trouble. I was a really sissy kid and was all knotted in my stomach that this scary old man was trying to get me to say something naughty. I was about 3.5/4 years old then (I'd been left there as everyone else was at a family funeral).

Mum had just cremated grandpa so I assumed she wouldn't want to be called a rude name, so I didn't tell her.

[Startail]

I think a quiet word is indicated, I'm certain neither my veggi DSIL or my Jewish DF would be at all happy if their dietary choices for their DCs are undermined.

I'm always very careful to avoid beef and gelatine for my neurotic BSE obsessed DF and her DCs even though I thing she's a bit neurotic.

At least until Y5 parents views on such things go, as DCs gain independence and move towards buying what they like at senior school, whether you tell tales to mum or not is a mute point.

[Startail]

Opps sorry, wrong button

[missuswife]

It's the "don't tell your mum" that would really get my back up.

[Moominsarehippos]

I've taught DS that we have nosecrets. For goodness sake, I'd never ask a child to keep a secret (beyond 'don't tell dad what I've bought him for his birthday). It so wrong!

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Im NOT a veggie and vever will be, but Im fuming for you OP!

[rosepettel]

thenx mumsnet i did ring her and she did not know it was a hamwidge i said why did dd say it was a hamwidge she said it was a vege hamwidge i said no [id been there half the way thru even help put the chrisps in bowl and even did say about vege stuff -theres lots of vege stuff for dd and dd and other kids- so i was double shock by this and no there was no vege ham there was eggwidge and cheese and ham] then she admited it and said she was just piss but she did not seem very drunk to me and thats no exuse

background info
last year i did see her tell her older dd to just put them on youre head and walk out about some sun glasses for the woman [shop lifting] i dont wana be bias but it suggests things mabey i dont know

any way my dd age 4 and dd age 6 are best friends with her dd of same ages and its nice but mabey i should try getting them round here more as dd was upset and stressed by the hamwidge thing

dc are veges and if they wanted to eat meat then ok but they dont .. there grandad eats this for breakfast bacon black pudding sausadge and the beans with mini sausadges in ......and even he never trys making my dcs eat meat !!

hope she never does this again ..she said sorry but dont think she takes it seriously

[rosepettel]

oops that should say-

i did ring her and first she said she did not know it was a hamwidge

[CSIJanner]

Sounds like the mum is playing bullsh!t bingo with you OP. she must have realised the moment your child started crying. The child may be friends but it might be time to cool things and back away as she clearly doesn't respect you, your children and from your last post, ownership of property.

[nenevomito]

Its a SANDWICH. ARGH.

Cheese Sandwich
Egg Sandwich
Ham Sandwich.

I'm going to have to hide the sodding thread before I loseitwidge.

[nenevomito]

hang on - so now she also tried to get your child to steal.

[nenevomito]

Sorry - HER child to steal. Still .

[rosepettel]

well her 15 year old dd