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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding money spent in work canteen

113 replies

brummiegirl1 · 11/05/2013 09:19

My husband takes out 20 pound a week to have money on his pocket. I do most of the food shopping in the day as in a SAHM at the moment but he always tells me what he wants me to get for him for his food for work which I do get. So his work food is budgeted into the weekly shop.

We got into a disagreement as he spent 10 pound in 2 days and the other 10 pound he had given to me to get some shopping he had taken back as he had no money in his pocket. I know I probably sound like in trying to tell him how to spend money but it's not like that, some months we struggle to get to the end of the month and we haven't had a holiday in 3 years. We also never go out to eat together or any luxury like that and I think if he didn't take so much money out just to spend at work we could maybe go away or something nice. He disagrees, he thinks I'm trying to tell him what to do with money. We have a joint bank account.

OP posts:
BonaDea · 11/05/2013 09:31

Hmmm. Tricky. On the one hand if you budget his lunches into the weekly shop and are really so tight for cash it does sound annoying that he gets this money just to 'fritter'.

On the other hand, it is hard not to spend anything all week when you are out of the house. I assume he spends it on teas / coffees/ the odd snack? There is also a social element at work to sitting with friends and having something.

Perhaps the solution is to cut the 20 to 10 and see how he gets on?

Yanbu but neither is DH.

superbagpuss · 11/05/2013 09:44

this is a hard one
in my office I have to pay for tea coffee etc and we do rounds so it seen to be rude not to buy for others
dh says I can take this out of joint money but I feel bad as I have food in weekly shopping bill as well

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/05/2013 09:47

Given he is the only earner, YABVU to tell him you wont allow him to spend any of the money he has earned.

Perhaps he goes to the canteen with his friends. Do you want him to tell them hes not allowed to as his wife says he cant have any of his earned money?

If things are tight then perhaps you cant afford to he a SAHM. If having a holiday or eating out means so much to you then you could pick up some work and boost the household income. You cant have it all ways when you are not earning anything yourself.

AuntieStella · 11/05/2013 09:50

£20 a week is essentially his pocket money. If he chooses to spend it in the works canteen tht's his business. Do you get a similar amount for spending of your choice?

If not, the recalibrating the family budget so you both get discretionary spending money might be the priority.

chanie44 · 11/05/2013 10:45

I have a similar system. I give myself £10 a week for work and I try to save as much of it as I can by bringing in lunch from home. Whatever I saved goes towards treats. I often cook extra dinner and have that for lunch the next day.

I think maybe he should only have £10 a week. However, at the beginning of the week, agree lunches with him to limit his extra spending. For example, a can of fizzy drink is 80p in the expensive part of London I work in, but can get a multipack, saving XXp per can. If you buy stuff for lunch the weekend before, he can keep the savings. It's a good incentive for him.

However, I think you should have your own money if you don't. You could easily do 5 days worth of lunches for the both of you for £10. Soups, pasta, wraps, salads are cheap and filling.

greenfolder · 11/05/2013 11:46

We have 100 per month to cover being at work and never think about how each other spends this. It covers lunch every now and again, the odd drink, chucking in for collections etc. Its part of going to work. If you budget for 80 a month don't start questioning how its spent x

gordyslovesheep · 11/05/2013 11:50

YABU it's his money to spend as he wishes (the £20 not all of it)

rubyslippers · 11/05/2013 11:52

YABU

especially if this is a one off

eating at work can be a social thing too

like you having a coffee with your mates during the day ...

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 11/05/2013 11:53

Happy mummy the op is a sahm. So as a family they have taken the decision that that is what is best fir their family. So no its not all his money.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 11/05/2013 11:56

I will take that back if the op held a gun to her dhs head. Bjt I suspect they made the decision together. So he cant have it both ways - full time nanny cook and clean but no expectation to gjve up his hard earned money

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/05/2013 12:31

Actually, think the OP is on maternity leave at the moment judging by her other posts so not technically a SAHM. Not all women who stay at home do so with the full support of their husbands, many just refuse to return to work.

The OP's husband is working two jobs, who on earth could possibly begrudge him spending some of his income on coffee etc at work.

I'm sure OP spends money on things that are not essentials. Everyone does.

Xmasbaby11 · 11/05/2013 12:33

YABU. It's normal to spend a it at work - it's sociable.

NatashaBee · 11/05/2013 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 11/05/2013 12:35

I agre with uour last bit but do not agree that a sahm has no say in how the money her dh earns is spent. If the man himsekf thinks that (talking generally here not abt the op) then id call it abuse

redskyatnight · 11/05/2013 12:36

It can be difficult not to spend any money at work. I take in my own lunch and tea/milk but I still end up spending money on the odd drink in the canteen to be sociable/donating to someone's leaving do/charity collection etc. Not sure how old your DC are but if they are pre-schoolers do you never take them to a toddler group/meet a friend for coffee/offer a visitor tea and cake? Because these are sort of the same category.

If you'd like to save money towards holidays etc then sit down and go through your budget together and agree on common priorities.

Viviennemary · 11/05/2013 12:43

This is tricky. But on the other hand going to work costs money. And it's really embarassing for people at work if they are seen not to have a penny in their pockets for things. I don't know the whole situation but it seems you are being a bit hard on your DH who could hardly be called a spendthrift.

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 12:45

if money so tight you need to stop being a housewife,you're not contributing
frankly if were really skint to extent you describe I'd expect you to work
why are you not working?

AgentProvocateur · 11/05/2013 12:52

If you're struggling so badly, could you look at getting evening work? As others have said, it's unreasonable to expect your DH to either account for every penny he spends, or not take money to work. Honestly, £4 a day is nothing.

BackforGood · 11/05/2013 13:07

Depends a lot on the work environment. I'm thinking 'that's ridiculous - I've never spent any money while I'm at work, so it doesn't make sense for you to be skint every month while he is frittering it away at work, but I take the point that all environments are different.
I've always worked places where you chip in £1 a week or whatever for jars of coffee / boxes of tea / the milk and everyone uses the kettle. Can they not do that? Or take a flask ? To me £20 seems like a hige amount if you don't have it in your budget.

WafflyVersatile · 11/05/2013 13:07

I'm a bit surprised (here and on other threads) at how people just blythely say 'get a job', 'get more hours', 'pick up some work' like it's so easy to find work at all, let alone work that you can fit round kids or pays well enough to make it worthwhile.

You should sit down together and work through your budget and work in some pocket money for each of you. It is both of your money. There are often expenses involved in going to work as mentioned in other posts.

If you have budgeted for him to have this pocket money then surely he can spend it pretty much how he likes.

Maybe there is more you're not explaining.

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 13:10

housewife is not automatic given or female entitlement,if so skint yep get a job
homeironong

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 13:13

posted too soon.yes get a job.ironing at home for example,or evening work whist dh home
if things that tight financially you cannot afford to be a housewife
if a £20 budget is challenge what about if boiler break?you need to. reasses you finances

gordyslovesheep · 11/05/2013 13:15

to be fair the OP is on Mat Leave ...so is working (apparently according to a post earlier)

Even if she wasn't it doesn't make every penny 'HIS money'

but I think it's fair he is allowed some money to do with as he likes

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 13:17

if money so tight then needs to return from mat leave sooner rather than later

SoldeInvierno · 11/05/2013 13:21

I think YABU. I take all my food to work and still spend about £10 per week. That's because we have to pay for coffee (or pay for milk and sugar if you take your own). No matter what food you take, there's always one day when you fancy an extra piece of fruit or a warm soup. Besides, seating down with your colleagues to eat is a sociable thing and it just makes the day more bearable.

Do you never buy a drink/cake if you are out at playgroups or with friends?

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