regarding money spent in work canteen

[brummiegirl1]

My husband takes out 20 pound a week to have money on his pocket. I do most of the food shopping in the day as in a SAHM at the moment but he always tells me what he wants me to get for him for his food for work which I do get. So his work food is budgeted into the weekly shop.

We got into a disagreement as he spent 10 pound in 2 days and the other 10 pound he had given to me to get some shopping he had taken back as he had no money in his pocket. I know I probably sound like in trying to tell him how to spend money but it's not like that, some months we struggle to get to the end of the month and we haven't had a holiday in 3 years. We also never go out to eat together or any luxury like that and I think if he didn't take so much money out just to spend at work we could maybe go away or something nice. He disagrees, he thinks I'm trying to tell him what to do with money. We have a joint bank account.

AMaybe money wouldn't be so tight if it was spent more carefully..?
Twenty quid really seems a small amount but adds up, especially if lunches are already paid for. I have used a flask at work before now to save just 60p a day. There are many threads on here describing how to save small amounts of money.
And happymumofone, what nonsense. "Given he is the only earner, YABVU to tell him you wont allow him to spend any of the money he has earned" - I assume he spends some of his "earnings" on the mortgage/rent, groceries etc - or is he kept in a shed at the bottom of the garden? A lot of very anti-sahm stuff comes out on these threads (and no, I'm not one)

why is the emphasis necessarily on scrimping even more?if op on mat leave return sooner
one single wage is a challenge if they feel stretched,her dh does his bit.
so should op by increasing the family income

A lot of people would find it hard if not impossible to manage on a single wage. So really people know if they are to have holidays and meals out it takes two people working and even then some folk struggle if they have a high mortgage or childcare fees and so on. But to get a bigger picture I think the OP would need to give an account of how the rest of the money is spent and if there are things that could be cut out or reduced. But people at work need money.

£4 a day is alot of money if things are tight, there is no way we could afford to spend £4 a day atm.

DH wouldn't dream of taking money we dont have to spend on random stuff he doesn't really need, just because its 'not done' to go to work with no money in your pocket.

And yes, even if the OP is on ML, she still has a right to discuss her concerns about finances with her DH.

why is the emphasis on the sole wage earner to be more careful
if op on mat leave why cant she return.if not working think about how to earn
if one wage is such a challenge they need another wage,more money

OP are you saying you never spend £4 on coffee with friends, or any other essentials?

I completely understand why you want to be at home with your young children. It's a very valuable thing to do and will give them the best start to life.

"The very best start in life?"

Here we go......

YABU. It's his choice, and you're treating him like a fool.

You need to talk more. If he's not facing up to the reality of the family finances, and you are having to scrimp and worry about bills or food money lasting till the end of the month, then this is an easy way of saving money. Things also need to be fairer - how would he react to you, for example, asking for £10 to go out with some friends for lunch once a fortnight? If you feel you CANT do things like that while he CAN do what he likes, there's a real problem.

if they are scrimping and worrying about money the op need to work
her dh in no way negligent by working,the op too must financially contribute
the reality is anxieties about monies.thats a reality op needs to address and accept being housewife leaves them skint

It's true, if you want nice things and one income isn't providing it, then surely you have to take some responsibility for that?

very best start in life.lol in that case I like to give worst possible start in life
financial security,ft nursery,and no money worries,and spend what I want on coffee
aye I'm a bad un and they had worst possible start it seems...I'm crying into my pricy latte

I dont think the answer IS as simple as "op go out and earn more money" - it's about people learning to live within their means. Her DP is clearly being a lttle more extravagant than they can currently comfortably afford. When OP is back at work, things will be better, but may still be tight with childcare costs etc - cutting back on frivolous spending is a key part of wise budgeting

The OP is complaining that they never have money to go out together, go to lunch etc.
Therefore, if she wants that lifestyle, more money needs to come into the household. It is that simple.

yes it is that simple.why is expectation that she be housewife and dh scrimp even more
why des he have to make further adaptations but op not expected to work?
if she on mat leave she needs to return.if not working she too needs to share the burden

SM - you actually sound quite bitter - your situation and the OPs are not identical, and what suits one family does not suit all. You made your choices - for you working and earning and being able to have money to fritter was more important than being a SAHM and making some sacrifices. Thats fine - for you. Op and her DP have obviously decided what to do about her working/mat leave - if he needs to curb his spending and act like a grown up during that tougher time, so be it.

I am with scottishmummy on this one. Why chose to have a baby and not work if you are so skint you cant let a working man spend £4 a day on coffees and snacks?

Could he take his £20 a week in pound coins. Keep them in a dish by the bed, put £4 in his pocket in the morning and then the change goes back into the dish at the end of the day.
Any change left in the dish at the end of the week goes into the '"Date Night Fund".

oh spare me the Frasier crane box set psychobabble.
im not complaining I'm skint without addressing it,no woman is entitled to be housewife
it's a preference,but if it makes things hard,causes strife one needs to do something else

The thing is with sacrifices, is you cannot shout about how you are making all these sacrifices, denying yourself things because you want to stay at home and then complain that you haven't had a holiday for 3 years and can't afford luxuries.

Clearly, that was a choice

If you don't like being skint and not being able to go out for lunch or on holiday, change it?

I'm on the fence because £20 a week is a lot to spend on coffees etc if he is taking lunch from home. On the other hand, it would be awkward for him not to join in with colleagues having a coffee or a blueberry muffin because he's low on funds.

I wonder if he and you have different ideas about what are priorities and also, what you both consider to be budgeting?

Why is everyone assuming the OP wants to be a SAHM and the OH is letting her out of the goodness of his heart? Maybe it's important to him that his children have a SAHP?

I would grumble in the OPs shoes if Dh & I could not afford to go for the odd treat out together yet at the same time he was regularly frittering money away. That's perfectly reasonable!

yes she could go earn some money - OR her Dh could be a bit more careful with what they have - they could have a take away once a week and a bottle of wine instead of him having that spedning money. Op is upset that he would rather blow it on snacks with mates at work, so that in effect he is getting treats and she isn't. THATS the problem, not the actual amount of money they have coming in.

And the OP still hasn't answered whether she has money to spend on coffee out or if she never leaves the house unless she is going food shopping?