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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leave my 16 week old DD

64 replies

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 07:51

Me and my partner are due to go to a wedding in a few weeks and DD will be 16 weeks old.
I'm breast feeding her so that's obviously one hurdle. I know I can express but have very painful nipples and find it hard. I could do it, maybe I'm using this as an excuse.
The wedding half way across the country away and its a no children wedding. We're only invited to the evening.
My parents who live 350 miles away are coming down to see us for a week and also to babysit. They're really looking forward to it.
I'm sorry for the rambling but I really don't want to leave her and go to the wedding. AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
TwinkleTits · 03/05/2013 07:53

I wouldnt go. I dont think YABU at all.

barnet · 03/05/2013 07:53

If you don't want to go, don't go!

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 03/05/2013 07:54

YAB entirely reasonable, many many parents don't want to leave their babies. She is the no.1 priority in your world just now, that is just fine.

Just say no if you don't want to go.

twooter · 03/05/2013 07:54

No YANBU. Whose wedding is it? Obviously you're not that close if its just an evening do.

Bluemonkeyspots · 03/05/2013 07:56

I wouldn't, took me 2 years to leave my first.

Just had my fourth 4 weeks ago and has 2 meals at the pub next door so I'm getting better Wink

You will prob get people saying you are being silly, what could happen and be grateful you have a babysitter but who cares. It's your baby and you don't have to explain yourself if you feel it's too soon

soundevenfruity · 03/05/2013 07:59

I would be very reluctant to leave a baby for 2(?) days at this age but then it's me and there are a lot of mums here that successfully negotiated this. It's just a matter of preferences. I would say though that at 16 weeks breastfeeding should've settled, i.e. not painful. Are there any breastfeeding clinics or support groups in your area?

NoTeaForMe · 03/05/2013 08:00

I wouldn't even consider leaving her overnight. Lots of childcare weddings allow babes in arms, does this one not?

ChasedByBees · 03/05/2013 08:01

I wouldn't have left my DD at that age and certainly not for an evening invite. Perhaps your parents could still come down but you c

JollyPurpleGiant · 03/05/2013 08:02

16 weeks is very little. I wouldn't go.

ChasedByBees · 03/05/2013 08:02

Argh - pressed send too soon

Perhaps you could go to a local restaurant for a meal out with your partner while they babysit?

Figgygal · 03/05/2013 08:04

I wouldnt go that far for an evening do even without taking into account the lo have more time with your parents and maybe go out one evening for a meal just with DH.

noblegiraffe · 03/05/2013 08:05

I've got a 14 week old and wouldn't go. DD needs me in the evenings. My DH could go if he wanted.

Your parents can still visit.

aufaniae · 03/05/2013 08:06

I couldn't have done it. I managed 4 hours away from DS (for a gig I'd booked while pregnant) when he was 5 months and that was hard!

Can you ask if they'll make an exception as so little?

DeskPlanner · 03/05/2013 08:06

Please don't leave your bf lo at only 16 weeks. She will miss you and you will miss her. It's really not worth it. Have you checked that babes in arms aren't allowed ? Even the worst Bridezilla usually allows them. But if you really can't take her, don't go.

Justforlaughs · 03/05/2013 08:07

I wouldn't go, but if you were happy about it then I wouldn't judge you for doing so. I left my 4 DCs for one night when the youngest was 11 months, I only went up the road to a b&b (about 4 miles away) and still ended up going home at 11 o'clock (on the way home from the restaurant) to check on them before being happy they were ok. Now I can't wait to get out! Grin You do whatever makes you comfortable and don't feel guilty about it.

BOF · 03/05/2013 08:08

I wouldn't go either, but I'm an unsociable sod.

DeskPlanner · 03/05/2013 08:09

As an aside, I wouldn't travel half way to the other side of the country, for an evening do.16 week Lo or not.

miffybun73 · 03/05/2013 08:13

YANBU at all, I didn't leave mine overnight until they were about 14 months.

If you feel it's too soon then it is too soon and I'm sure that 90% of parents would feel the same way

Original poster
claremp7 · 03/05/2013 08:21

Well SIL and MIL think I should leave her and I should note they've also said I should make her go four hours between feeds, put teddy bears in her cot on a night time, start her on solids and put riceccereal in her milk! So I think you can tell what my opinion of them is.
My parents will come down anyway as they want to see her unlike the MIL who lives five minutes away.
The wedding is a colleague of my partner so not really a friend of mine. I've asked him to ask them about taking her so hopefully they'll say yes.
I don't want to go as I really wouldn't enjoy it. It's too far away and she's too young.
Thank you for your replies

OP posts:
emmyloo2 · 03/05/2013 08:27

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my 16 week old either. We haven't left our 2.5 year old overnight yet. Mainly because I would feel bad if he woke up in the middle of the night and my Mum had to deal with him. I have left him with my husband for work trips for 1-2 weeks but he has never been left with anyone else, even for 1 night.

So I definitely would not be going. Of course, if you wanted to, then by all means, but certainly don't feel bad for not going.

raisah · 03/05/2013 09:04

I wouldnt go to a wedding where my baby wasnt allowed and I was only invited for the evening do half way across the country. Too much hassle for too little gain imo. Enjoy your baby as they grow up v quickly and weddings come and go.

MortifiedAdams · 03/05/2013 09:06

If it.was a whole day thing then id go - but not all that way and hassle for a night time.

Couldnt DH just go?

CherylTrole · 03/05/2013 09:10

OP just do what YOU want to do. Go with your own instincts and be happy with your choice.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 03/05/2013 09:10

I wouldn't go even if they do say yes to you taking your baby.
I'd much rather spend that time with my parents.
If you decide not to go maybe your parents could babysit so you and your oh could go out for a meal instead?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/05/2013 09:11

It's entirely up to you.

I left my 17 week old for the day to attend a wedding. However my Mum was babysitting and we were only up the road so could nip back anytime. I couldn't have left him overnight, intact I still haven't at 15 months.

It's only an evening do and a long way to travel. If you don't want to go then don't, it doesn't matter.