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AIBU?

leave my 16 week old DD

64 replies

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 07:51

Me and my partner are due to go to a wedding in a few weeks and DD will be 16 weeks old.
I'm breast feeding her so that's obviously one hurdle. I know I can express but have very painful nipples and find it hard. I could do it, maybe I'm using this as an excuse.
The wedding half way across the country away and its a no children wedding. We're only invited to the evening.
My parents who live 350 miles away are coming down to see us for a week and also to babysit. They're really looking forward to it.
I'm sorry for the rambling but I really don't want to leave her and go to the wedding. AIBU to not want to go?

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DeskPlanner · 05/05/2013 07:41

Just caught up with this thread. Glad It's been resolved. Have fun.

Secondsop · 03/05/2013 15:46

What to wear - what about a wrap dress, with a pretty scarf that you can use as a breast feeding cover? That's what I wore constantly when I was breast feeding my baby. Have a lovely time!

megsmouse · 03/05/2013 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoingTheSwanThing · 03/05/2013 15:11

If they allowed you to take her along and you wanted to go, get a sling and some ear defenders and she'll be absolutely fine, probably sleep through it! Did a whole day wedding with 5mo twins not so long ago, they loved the evening and danced away in slings (not that they could hear much )

SirBoobAlot · 03/05/2013 15:00

Oh sorry didn't see there was more than one page to this. Idiot.

Glad you don't need to stress about leaving her :)

You can get some beautiful breastfeeding dresses online.

SirBoobAlot · 03/05/2013 14:59

No way would I leave such a small baby for that long, especially if breastfeeding.

You can go to a wedding any time, the early days with your little one only come once.

WoTmania · 03/05/2013 14:56

YANBU glad it'sall been resolved. You can get some quite nice nursing dresses these aren't particularly eveningy iyswim but for the general idea

Illustrationaddict · 03/05/2013 14:44

Totally up to you, but if it was a good friend I would go. Think its healthy to have a little time together as a couple, remember what it was like pre baby, especially if you have 2 very dependable and willing babysitters. It would just be nice for you to have a proper sleep if nothing else, refreshes and makes for a happy mummy :)

diddl · 03/05/2013 14:36

"Now what do I wear?"

Something bfeeding friendly??

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 14:32

Hi and thank you again everyone. DP spoke to colleague and DD is invited and always has been. We just got the wrong end of the stick! Now what do I wear?

OP posts:

maddening · 03/05/2013 13:50

Could your dps come with you so you can have dc with you and keep up the bfing and just leave dc essentially for a few hours?

You could get a 2 bed holiday cottage and stay with your dps? Built in babysitting and you don't have to be away from dc for so long?

MyNameIsAnAnagram · 03/05/2013 13:19

I wouldn't got that far just for an evening do even without the baby issue!

Yanbu at all, before ds was born I was planning to leave him for a weekend at 6m to go to a wedding, but couldn't in the end.

noblegiraffe · 03/05/2013 13:12

Did SIL formula feed? That might explain the 4 hours between feeds thing, and the suggestion that you can just trot off for the evening without a second thought.

JenaiMorris · 03/05/2013 12:27

I wouldn't have gone.

I wouldn't be remotely at someone else doing it, but there's no way I could have expressed sufficient milk and ds rarely took bottles (and not for want of trying - it was a right PITA).

fedupwithdeployment · 03/05/2013 12:22

right decision not to go - Tarka makes good points.

I did go to a wedding when DS was about 7 weeks old. It was near a very good family friend and she looked after DS from about 3pm to midnight - we were staying with her. it was great and I enjoyed it - but my boobs exploded everywhere. Not a cool look! When he was 3 months we had another wedding near my Dad's house (great friends we have!) And so Dad took DS after the day section and we had the night out. The boobs were much better behaved on that occasion.

midori1999 · 03/05/2013 12:22

Good for you OP for deciding to do what you are comfortable with and not what others think you should do.

I left DC2 for a few hours while I went out nearby on New Years Eve, he was two weeks old. I did it because I was comfortable doing so, I wouldn't have left him overnight though. DC6 I didn't leave with anyone except her dad until she was 7 months old and wouldn't leave her overnight now and she is nearly two. Again, because that's what I was comfortable with.

Everyone has to do what's best for them.

TarkaTheOtter · 03/05/2013 12:09

The fact that they know you have a 16week old yet gave you an evening only invite to a child-free wedding the other side of the country suggests to me that they won't be bothered if you come or not. Sounds like a courtesy invite to me.
Get your parents to babysit when you are ready and have a nice night out instead.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 03/05/2013 12:00

I had to leave my 4 month old for 2 days. Didn't kill me, or him, nor give him anxieties that lasted throughout his childhood. I quite enjoyed it, actually.

BegoniaBampot · 03/05/2013 11:45

I went overnight to a wedding when my little one was 4 months old and was looked after by my sisiter so leaving a baby that young is up to you and how you feel. i wouldn't go that far for an evening invite though (do they think they are royalty or something), especially if they say child free knowing you have to travel and have a breast fed baby.

Autumn12 · 03/05/2013 11:35

I would not go to an evening do that was far away just for a work colleague, especially not if it meant leaving a young baby. I would decline.

diddl · 03/05/2013 11:18

Glad you're not going.

I wouldn't go so far for an evening only, & definitely wouldn't have contemplated trying to express for it either!

Couple of hrs at a nearby place would have been it for me at that stage tbh!

SundaysGirl · 03/05/2013 11:16

No I wouldn't have left my son for this sort of thing at 16 weeks either. glad you have made a decision you are happy with.

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attheendoftheday · 03/05/2013 11:13

I wouldn't leave a 16 week old, that's tiny! Particularly if bfing.

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 03/05/2013 10:35

I'm really glad you've decided not to go, and at your in laws.

What I was going to chip in with was at that age you can never be sure if a growth spurt or sleep regression might hit so a) who knows how much milk you need to leave and b) your baby might need a mum cuddle.

I'm still only really comfortable being within about 60 mins driving distance from DS and no where near being able to leave him overnight and he's 9 months now.

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 10:13

SIL said I was silly because she left her DD at seven weeks to go on a night out. My in laws do live close but don't want to see her. I'm lucky because OH is very supportive and said its their problem if they don't see our beautiful DD. He dotes on his little girl so he's quite happy to spend time just us. He will ask if she can go and my parents will come down the week after so we still spend lots of time with them.
On another note just found out MIL is travelling to my home town this weekend to see some of her relatives and she knows I have to take my DD across the country via the underground to visit my parents the week after. No offer of a lift from her no offer even of taking any luggage up to help me out!
How lovely are some people.

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