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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

leave my 16 week old DD

64 replies

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 07:51

Me and my partner are due to go to a wedding in a few weeks and DD will be 16 weeks old.
I'm breast feeding her so that's obviously one hurdle. I know I can express but have very painful nipples and find it hard. I could do it, maybe I'm using this as an excuse.
The wedding half way across the country away and its a no children wedding. We're only invited to the evening.
My parents who live 350 miles away are coming down to see us for a week and also to babysit. They're really looking forward to it.
I'm sorry for the rambling but I really don't want to leave her and go to the wedding. AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:

WutheringTights · 03/05/2013 09:13

I left mine for 2/3 hours a couple of evenings a week from about 12 weeks and that was hard enough! I wouldn't have gone for 2 days and certainly not for an evening-only wedding invitation. The bride and groom will understand - if you have a child free wedding then you have to accept that some people won't be able to go.

kelda · 03/05/2013 09:13

I wouldn't even consider it. You're not even invited to the whole day.

Ignore your sil and mil. And enjoy the time with your own parents.

HunterWellies · 03/05/2013 09:14

I'd just send dh, if that. We took (breastfed) 5 month old ds2 to a (child friendly) wedding recently and left ds1 with his Granny. I tried to work out how we could have a child-free day and the logistics were so bloody complicated it just wasn't worth it... So he came. If he has not been welcome I don't see how I could have managed it and the wedding was only an hour away!

HunterWellies · 03/05/2013 09:15

*had

MoominsYonisAreScary · 03/05/2013 09:18

Totally up to you, if you don't want to leave the baby then don't. Ignore your mil and sil.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/05/2013 09:26

I wouldn't go nor would I want to.

Yanbu.

Original poster

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 09:41

Thank you everyone. I don't want to go. I won't enjoy it and to be honest OH doesn't want to leave her either. I think I've probably answered my own question.
I'm not going!
I'll spend time with my parents and if OH doesn't go then maybe we'll go out for a meal.
I just get so annoyed by the in law's putting pressure on.

OP posts:

DeskPlanner · 03/05/2013 09:44

So glad you've made this decision. Think you will be a lot happier.

ilovepicnmix · 03/05/2013 09:44

I went to a wedding when my baby was about 12 weeks old. It was a no children thing but babes in arms were invited. I just wouldnt have gone if I'd had to leave him behind. Sounds like you'll have a miserable time if you do go to be fair. I had a night away at 4 months, and left baby with his dad. My boobs were sore despite expressing as just couldn't get enough out!

ilovepicnmix · 03/05/2013 09:45

Well done for being decisive.

DeepRedBetty · 03/05/2013 09:46

Was about to pile in with a 'don't even go' too! Well done OP.

Mumsyblouse · 03/05/2013 09:49

I think you have made the right decision, it's hard to imagine just how awful your boobs will go after a few hours without breastfeeding and I never found expressing really resolved it- they go hard and you leak all the time, not easy to feel glamorous and really relax when you are dripping and smelling a bit milky! But the good news is that once your baby moves onto solid food (still breastfeeding), this eases up and you can go out much more easily (obviously you could cope with all of the above if you were highly motivated to attend, but it sounds like you are happy with your decision).

kelda · 03/05/2013 09:50

OP I'm guessing that you live close to your inlaws?

If so, I think it is incredibly thoughtloss of them to pressurize you to have a weekend away not only from your tiny baby, but also from your parents who will have travelled quite a distance to visit YOU as well as their new grandchild.

Shellywelly1973 · 03/05/2013 09:51

Glad you have make a decision you feel happy with.

That's the main issue. Dd is your baby. Not your in laws baby or anyone else's baby just yours & your dh baby.

I would go to the wedding if i wanted to. The advice given about Dd missing you is ridiculous!! Its about you not the baby. The baby would be fine.

Original poster

claremp7 · 03/05/2013 10:13

SIL said I was silly because she left her DD at seven weeks to go on a night out. My in laws do live close but don't want to see her. I'm lucky because OH is very supportive and said its their problem if they don't see our beautiful DD. He dotes on his little girl so he's quite happy to spend time just us. He will ask if she can go and my parents will come down the week after so we still spend lots of time with them.
On another note just found out MIL is travelling to my home town this weekend to see some of her relatives and she knows I have to take my DD across the country via the underground to visit my parents the week after. No offer of a lift from her no offer even of taking any luggage up to help me out!
How lovely are some people.

OP posts:

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 03/05/2013 10:35

I'm really glad you've decided not to go, and at your in laws.

What I was going to chip in with was at that age you can never be sure if a growth spurt or sleep regression might hit so a) who knows how much milk you need to leave and b) your baby might need a mum cuddle.

I'm still only really comfortable being within about 60 mins driving distance from DS and no where near being able to leave him overnight and he's 9 months now.

attheendoftheday · 03/05/2013 11:13

I wouldn't leave a 16 week old, that's tiny! Particularly if bfing.

SundaysGirl · 03/05/2013 11:16

No I wouldn't have left my son for this sort of thing at 16 weeks either. glad you have made a decision you are happy with.

diddl · 03/05/2013 11:18

Glad you're not going.

I wouldn't go so far for an evening only, & definitely wouldn't have contemplated trying to express for it either!

Couple of hrs at a nearby place would have been it for me at that stage tbh!

Autumn12 · 03/05/2013 11:35

I would not go to an evening do that was far away just for a work colleague, especially not if it meant leaving a young baby. I would decline.

BegoniaBampot · 03/05/2013 11:45

I went overnight to a wedding when my little one was 4 months old and was looked after by my sisiter so leaving a baby that young is up to you and how you feel. i wouldn't go that far for an evening invite though (do they think they are royalty or something), especially if they say child free knowing you have to travel and have a breast fed baby.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 03/05/2013 12:00

I had to leave my 4 month old for 2 days. Didn't kill me, or him, nor give him anxieties that lasted throughout his childhood. I quite enjoyed it, actually.

TarkaTheOtter · 03/05/2013 12:09

The fact that they know you have a 16week old yet gave you an evening only invite to a child-free wedding the other side of the country suggests to me that they won't be bothered if you come or not. Sounds like a courtesy invite to me.
Get your parents to babysit when you are ready and have a nice night out instead.

midori1999 · 03/05/2013 12:22

Good for you OP for deciding to do what you are comfortable with and not what others think you should do.

I left DC2 for a few hours while I went out nearby on New Years Eve, he was two weeks old. I did it because I was comfortable doing so, I wouldn't have left him overnight though. DC6 I didn't leave with anyone except her dad until she was 7 months old and wouldn't leave her overnight now and she is nearly two. Again, because that's what I was comfortable with.

Everyone has to do what's best for them.

fedupwithdeployment · 03/05/2013 12:22

right decision not to go - Tarka makes good points.

I did go to a wedding when DS was about 7 weeks old. It was near a very good family friend and she looked after DS from about 3pm to midnight - we were staying with her. it was great and I enjoyed it - but my boobs exploded everywhere. Not a cool look! When he was 3 months we had another wedding near my Dad's house (great friends we have!) And so Dad took DS after the day section and we had the night out. The boobs were much better behaved on that occasion.

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