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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take back everything we bought my daughter?

80 replies

WestieMamma · 15/04/2013 08:55

My beautiful, kind, gentle daughter (19) has just been dumped by her boyfriend of 4 years :(. They've been living together for the last year in a town about a 2 hour drive away. She rang me yesterday evening in a terrible state so we went and collected her and her cat and brought them home.

Her stepdad wants to go back as soon as he can to collect the rest of her belongings including all the things he bought her when she moved out to help them set up home together, which means pretty much everything except the sofa and the tv. Do you think this is ok?

OP posts:
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 15/04/2013 08:56

Yep. If she's ok with that.

Isabeller · 15/04/2013 08:56

Yes and agree to as soon as possible

trinity0097 · 15/04/2013 08:57

I think it may be worth hesitating on bigger bits of furniture. If the ex wants to stay living there he may be prepared today to keep some of the furniture, etc...

AssamAndDarjeeling · 15/04/2013 08:57

Yes. Do it.

wankerchief · 15/04/2013 08:58

I would, she might get a new place and need it

BuntyCollocks · 15/04/2013 08:58

Absolutely. ASAP.

mrsjay · 15/04/2013 08:58

aww what a shame your poor DD Sad does she want her stuff yet maybe they will get back together but if she is happy for him to go and collect them then it is fine just wait and see what she wants to do though,

overmydeadbody · 15/04/2013 09:00

Oh yes, of course go and get it!

I did exactly this when I left an ex of 4 years, took everything my parents had given us to help set up home, plus everything I had bought to contribute to it. He was left with very little.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 15/04/2013 09:01

If it's all her stuff and she's ok with it, I see no problem.

When my DSis split up with her bf of several years (after she'd caught him cheating) He's paid the rent, she'd paid the bills. So he told her to get out of "his" flat, so she did, and she took all her stuff with her, leaving him with a sofa and a few bits of cuttlery. I think she found it rather cathartic Grin It also meant it was a very clean break.

DeepRedBetty · 15/04/2013 09:01

Of course. It's hers/yours, not his.

IYoniWantToBeWithYou · 15/04/2013 09:01

How difficult is her ex boyfriend being? Its reasonable to want all her things back but it could be difficult to prove it belongs to her and wasn't a joint present for them both.

SavoyCabbage · 15/04/2013 09:03

I can't see how it wouldn't be OK. He can't keep her stuff.

Ruprekt · 15/04/2013 09:05

Yes of course. Go now!!

How is your DD?

TheFallenNinja · 15/04/2013 09:06

YANBU. It may be easier to be diplomatic about it to start, you may need help loading up.

Original poster
WestieMamma · 15/04/2013 09:06

The ex will stay living there as it's an unfurnished student flat at his university.

There are a couple of big things which we got second hand, which I suggested we leave as the space they'll take up in our cellar will cost us more than we paid for them. The most expensive items are the beds. She took the single one out of her room here, so she definitely needs that back, but we bought another one exactly the same so they could be put together as a double. I feel really bad about taking his bed away, but at the same time know my husband spent over £250 on it.

OP posts:
PoppadomPreach · 15/04/2013 09:08

Take everything you can. You have every moral and legal right to!

MoaningYoniWhingesAgain · 15/04/2013 09:10

I agree. When I left the only ex I lived with, I took everything I had bought. That included the music thing and the only working vacuum cleaner.

ExcuseTypos · 15/04/2013 09:13

Don't feel guilty Op. he will have to learn to stand on his own two feet. He can pop to somewhere like IKEA and buy a bed for very little.

It's not as if he is homeless, he has a roof over his head, he will cope. If he has no money/help from parents he can always contact a charity who would give him a bed.

OOAOML · 15/04/2013 09:13

What does she want to do? When I split up with someone I'd lived with in my early 20s I ended up 'selling' some of the stuff my parents had paid for - I didn't want it back because it was associated with that relationship, but the money came in very handy. My ex BF was very fair going through the list and offering money, although it was a hard thing for me as it emphasised that the relationship was over.

catgirl1976 · 15/04/2013 09:13

I dont think YABU at all. If your DD is happy with that then do it.

catgirl1976 · 15/04/2013 09:13

Just a thought........she might not want his bed though? She might want a 'clean start' bed if she gets a new home.

Original poster
WestieMamma · 15/04/2013 09:14

I think it really is over. I've had the impression that he emotionally disengaged from her months ago, so thought it was only a matter of time. She thought they'd be together forever though so is completely heartbroken.

I think she does want to take what's hers/ours but she can't face going back today. I think we'll give her a couple of days to gather her thoughts and then start moving stuff for her.

I feel very sad myself. It's terrible to see your baby hurting like this and know there is nothing you can do to fix it. :(

OP posts:
flaminghoopsaloohlah · 15/04/2013 09:15

Id say it depends on how much of an arse the BF is when it comes to taking the bed. Woupd he be willing to give you the money?

catgirl1976 · 15/04/2013 09:18

:( Hope she is ok Westie

She will be Thanks and she has you looking after her

Original poster
WestieMamma · 15/04/2013 09:19

If she doesn't want 'his' bed, we'll have it. It's still relatively new and a good quality one. We're currently in the process of preparing a bedroom for soon to arrive baby brother. It's a proper 'bouncy bed' type bed, the sort a toddler would love.

OP posts: