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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil's party, dd and chicken pox.....

81 replies

deliakate · 12/04/2013 09:18

Mil was 70 in March and we have seen her a couple of times since then, including dh taking her to France for 4 days for her present. Fil has planned a birthday dinner for her tomorrow night in a restaurant and we are booked to go. It's a 4-5 hour drive and we are going when dh gets back from work tonight and driving home on Sunday. Well, dd is 23 months and has woken up today covered in chicken pox. She seems ok, but bit grouchy.

Mil is insisting we all still go down for the dinner, she has a babysitter from the village booked for dd and ds. I am suggesting that I stay at home with ds as its just not fair to expect her to travel so far if she goes downhill.

I can't do the crossed out writing thing, but if I could I would add, I would quite like an excuse not to go as I'm exhausted and don't find the family easy company..... But Aibu?

OP posts:
Tommy · 12/04/2013 09:21

not at all!!
You have a child with chicken pox - of course you can't go - she is being completely unreasonable and slightly spoilt I would say. Send your DH on his own

diddl · 12/04/2013 09:22

I wouldn't go tbh.

Has she even asked the babysitter if they would still want to babysit?

Would you send your son & husband?

Are they likely to be contagious & coming into contact with "at risk" people?

mrsjay · 12/04/2013 09:23

NO Yanbu your baby is Ill cancel it I know she will be really miffed with you but chicken pox is miserable for children and TBh would probably not stay with a babysitter very well if she is feeling rough. say you are sorry and all that but the babies health must come first and say you dont fancy passing them on to anybody else

thebody · 12/04/2013 09:24

Of course you can't take her. Chicken pox is very infectious until the spots have scanned over.

This Is a generational thing as in the old days people held measles and chicken pox parties so children got the disease over with, mum told me and she's in her 70s.

Sure the babysitter wouldn't appreciate this one bit and you can have chicken pox twice, I have.

Say no.

2cats2many · 12/04/2013 09:24

Don't go. She is being unreasonable.

Chocotrekkie · 12/04/2013 09:25

Has the babysitter been tested for immunity - if not then its not fair in her to risk it. Can be very nasty to adults...

ENormaSnob · 12/04/2013 09:25

Tbh I think it would be really unfair to take your dd out at all.

I'll bet she feels poorly and itchy not to mention the risk to others.

Your mil is being selfish.

pumpkinsweetie · 12/04/2013 09:26

She is being very unreasonable, send dh alone.
Its very contagious not to mention very uncomfortable to have.

Original poster
deliakate · 12/04/2013 09:26

They've asked the sitter who would be fine with it. Ds has had it a few weeks ago so he would go down with dh. She wants it to be a 'family dinner' although there are two other couples going at least who are not related.

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 12/04/2013 09:26

YANBU-if she has quite a few spots, even if well in herself, a long journey in a hot, sweaty car seat would be hell. Plus the fact that she could get worse whilst down there and then have to travel all the way . No way would I go, even if it was something I desperately wanted to do for myself.

DontmindifIdo · 12/04/2013 09:27

YANBU - sorry, DD is too ill to travel. The discussion should be round does DH go on his own, with DS or not at all.

thebody · 12/04/2013 09:28

I guess the two other couples won't be pleased. I caught chicken pox again as an adult and its far worse then.

mrsjay · 12/04/2013 09:29

I think like others have said MIL is acting a bit spoilt and selfish how long does a birthday last fgs it is the middle of april almost Wink you know how they can go with chicken pox their temp can rise quite quickly just send your dh and son and say i am so disappointed blah blah and stay home,

DontmindifIdo · 12/04/2013 09:29

Oh, and hte discussion is with you and DH and DH tells his DM that you can't bring DD because she's too ill. Not her decision to make, yours as parents.

If she wants it to be a family dinner, given that it's not on her actual birthday, then she can reschedule when everyone's available, your DD is not available, and therefore you aren't.

OrbisNonSufficit · 12/04/2013 09:33

She honestly expects you to drag your ill dd that far? And presumably ds is incubating as well if he hasn't had it. Chicken pox = quarantine. What if they come into contact with someone who hasn't had it (speaking as someone currently pregnant who has never had it)? Not to mention it being unfair on the babysitter. She's being totally selfish. If she wants you there, she should move the dinner, it wouldn't be that hard to rearrange surely.

OrbisNonSufficit · 12/04/2013 09:35

Oops x-post. If your ds has had it that makes things a bit less uncertain.

Inertia · 12/04/2013 09:40

Of course YANBU.

Your MIL is being incredibly selfish if she expects a baby with chicken pox to travel for 5 hours and then be babysat by a stranger. Poor girl will just want to be with her parents.

What's the point in DS going if he isn't invited to the meal ?

Original poster
deliakate · 12/04/2013 09:43

I guess they will want ds there so they can take him out on the Saturday daytime. I was so shocked this am, I was sure she would say of course, stay at home with dd.
Not going to be poss to reschedule as her other son is coming from Sweden....
We went there for Christmas and Easter this year, as well so she's had a good innings so far.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/04/2013 09:46

but if ds isn't required at the dinner not much point him going either. DH goes alone

zzzzz · 12/04/2013 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OxfordBags · 12/04/2013 09:47

Chickenpox can cause Shingles in adults, which is incredibly painful and nasty and can leave scars. So MIL is not only being thoughtless expecting you to mess an ill tot around, she's being really stupid risking her own health and that of the other adults. Please point put the risk of Shingles to her, if you want another reason to back up your polite refusal to attend. Not that you need one, YANBU.

YonisAreForever · 12/04/2013 09:47

no you shouldnt go and as far as baby sitter concerned, has she actually done her research herself or has she been brainwashed listened to mils - gung ho - oh yeah come on lets all get the pox.

does the baby sitter realise she can get it again etc etc etc.

anyway a child with the pox having to move and travel ? so selfish?!

NUFC69 · 12/04/2013 09:48

I am a MIL and I think that yours is being completely unreasonable. We recently looked after my 2 year old GS when he had chickenpox and there was no way I would inflict a long journey on a poorly child. Let your DH and son go alone, it's as simple as that.

HarrySnotter · 12/04/2013 09:52

YANBU. Don't ask permission, just tell her that you are staying home with your DD, your DH will come with DS and you hope they have a lovely time. It's not her call, it's yours.

Gooseysgirl · 12/04/2013 09:54

YANBU... 4-5hr journey for a very sick little girl on top of being away from her home comforts for the weekend Hmm MIL being v selfish