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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil's party, dd and chicken pox.....

81 replies

deliakate · 12/04/2013 09:18

Mil was 70 in March and we have seen her a couple of times since then, including dh taking her to France for 4 days for her present. Fil has planned a birthday dinner for her tomorrow night in a restaurant and we are booked to go. It's a 4-5 hour drive and we are going when dh gets back from work tonight and driving home on Sunday. Well, dd is 23 months and has woken up today covered in chicken pox. She seems ok, but bit grouchy.

Mil is insisting we all still go down for the dinner, she has a babysitter from the village booked for dd and ds. I am suggesting that I stay at home with ds as its just not fair to expect her to travel so far if she goes downhill.

I can't do the crossed out writing thing, but if I could I would add, I would quite like an excuse not to go as I'm exhausted and don't find the family easy company..... But Aibu?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 12/04/2013 09:56

and your bil would be taking the infection back to sweden those chicken pox are going to be far travelled, and yes there is the shingels aspect your Mil can get really poorly from them i had them in my 20s it bloody hurts,
she is probably just anxious and wants the dinner to go well, but I dont think this should be up for discussion really a no end of should be sufficient

LunaticFringe · 12/04/2013 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 12/04/2013 10:04

you are right you can't catch shingles but I do think maybe I am wrong but the virus is the same (bet i am talking rubbish)

hazeyjane · 12/04/2013 10:10

Imo, it is non negotiable. Of course your dd shouldn't go.

Name7 · 12/04/2013 10:15

My Dd caught chicken pox on holiday. We were 5 hours from home. She was 6 so could be reasoned with. It was the most awful journey. I certainly wouldn't want to do it twice each way. Stay home, baths with bicarb, piriton and cuddles.

LunaticFringe · 12/04/2013 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 12/04/2013 10:26

oh ok lunatic just when i caught it I was working in a nursery and there was an epidemic and I always assumed you could 'catch it' from CP

Fresh01 · 12/04/2013 13:18

YANBU you may find your DD has a worse dose than your DS. When my 1st two DC had it, the 2nd sibling to get it had a much worse dose and was very unwell. Same thing happened in the last month with DC3 and DC4. The 15 month old was miserable, covered in spots and up lots at night with fevers. I read an article online last week saying the second sibling to get it often gets a worse dose than their sibling due to so much contact with each other whilst the first has it.

Neither you or DD is really going to enjoy the trip so why put yourselves through it.

BoundandRebound · 12/04/2013 13:24

You should not go. Absolutely not

But I have to say you don't catch shingles from chicken pox, shingles is a reactivation of the dormant chicken pox virus although someone could catch chicken pox from an open shingles blister

GuffSmuggler · 12/04/2013 13:26

Imagine you were very poorly and someone said: "get out of bed and get in a car for 5 hours". You wouldn't even consider it, so you shouldn't subject a poor ill child to such an ordeal.

Like others said, it's not even open for discussion.

CloudsAndTrees · 12/04/2013 13:27

Yanbu. Tell your DH it's not up for discussion and send him off on his own.

ginnybag · 12/04/2013 13:35

Are you going to be able to drive 4-5 hours without getting your DD out of the car at all?

Because if you were planning to stop, you now can't. Taking her into a crowded motorway services would be a horribly selfish thing to do.

S, even if you were willing to staff your spotty, itchy, possibly feverish child into her car seat for however long, you now actually can't let her get out of that car seat at all.

It's not only about your DD, here, although that would be reason enough. It's about all the people you would infect - baby change table, anyone? - to pull this off.

Say no. Send DH and DS alone.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 12/04/2013 13:36

You can catch chicken pox from someone with shingles, but not the other way round

Bogeyface · 12/04/2013 13:39

A 5 hour journey with a poxy toddler is the worst possible idea ever.

Forget the contagious bit for a minute, and imagine how you would feel strapped into a car seat, itchy, sweaty and feeling ill. Would you really want to do that to your DD? Your MIL is being amazingly selfish, just stay at home and send your DH with your DS. If your MIL kicks off ask her if the meal is so important that she would have your DD in discomfort and upset for it.

Bogeyface · 12/04/2013 13:40

I thought you could catch shingles from CP and not the other way around?

Bogeyface · 12/04/2013 13:40

No, I am wrong, ignore me!

angeltattoo · 12/04/2013 13:42

Firstly, Your DD will not want to travel and be looked after by a stranger, she will want to be at home with her parents looking after her.

Secondly, it would be totally irresponsible of you to take her anywhere, as had been said, CP presents a real danger to pregnant women, immocompromised people and other children etc.

Thirdly, your DH informs MIL you will not be attending - thoughts/comments/opinions from MIL are not necessary, thanks very much - she doesn't get a say, you and your DH do, full stop.

Finally - YADNBU Grin

Lottashakingoinon · 12/04/2013 13:45

I would advise the scratched record routine here, viz:

Really sorry we can't come; DD has chicken pox, life's a bitch

I mean I am not exactly light years off 70 myself , but honestly what kind of dotty old biddy would think it okay to schlepp a sick toddler on that kind of journey.....sheesh

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 12/04/2013 13:46

Your mil is being disgustingly selfish, what if one of the staff working there is pregnant? Or another guest gets very ill?

Just put your foot down and say get stuffed, nhs advice is stay home. She can come and visit you if she is that bothered.

5madthings · 12/04/2013 13:48

Yanbu , it would be awful for your dd to travel unnecessarily when she is poorly and its not fair on anyone who may be exposed two the chickenpox.

I will just say you cannot 'catch' shingles from chickenpox, you can catch chickenpox from shingles.

Lottashakingoinon · 12/04/2013 13:49

but honestly what kind of dotty old biddy would think it okay to schlepp a sick toddler on that kind of journey.....sheesh

or dotty young biddy, come to that!

quoteunquote · 12/04/2013 13:49

No,

Don't do it, totally unfair on your child and risks spreading infection.

Lottashakingoinon · 12/04/2013 13:52

Good so we're all agreed then.

Delia promise me you won't chicken out (just what you need: more emotional blackmail!!)

CheckpointCharlie · 12/04/2013 13:53

My dd has also woken up covered in spots today and I wouldn't go anywhere with her, let alone to a party four hours away.

YANBU your MIL is BU.

FryOneFatManic · 12/04/2013 13:59

OP, here is the NHS page on chickenpox. It includes the risks to other people and also does highlight that your child could be really poorly and miserable. If your DH is still of the opinion that you should take your DD after reading this, he is the one being unreasonable.