Mil's party, dd and chicken pox.....

[deliakate]

Mil was 70 in March and we have seen her a couple of times since then, including dh taking her to France for 4 days for her present. Fil has planned a birthday dinner for her tomorrow night in a restaurant and we are booked to go. It's a 4-5 hour drive and we are going when dh gets back from work tonight and driving home on Sunday. Well, dd is 23 months and has woken up today covered in chicken pox. She seems ok, but bit grouchy.

Mil is insisting we all still go down for the dinner, she has a babysitter from the village booked for dd and ds. I am suggesting that I stay at home with ds as its just not fair to expect her to travel so far if she goes downhill.

I can't do the crossed out writing thing, but if I could I would add, I would quite like an excuse not to go as I'm exhausted and don't find the family easy company..... But Aibu?

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

That's not bottling it. She's his bloody mother, of course he should handle most communication!

[Pandemoniaa]

Glad you appear to have sorted this with your MIL, OP. Even a so-called mild case of CP makes a child poorly and the last thing your dd needs is to be taken away from the comforts of home.

[GuffSmuggler]

Well done delia, I hope you don't have too much of a terrible weekend with poorly DD and she gets better soon.

For the future I would make sure you agree with DH that when he tells MIL something you have agreed between you it is then not up for discussion!

[deliakate]

I semi bottled it and made dh tell her. She was ok about it I think, clearly not happy but she hasn't excommunicated me.

[Gooseysgirl]

How did it go with MIL?

[formicaqueen]

It's likely your child will get very itchy and uncomfortable very soon.

[formicaqueen]

Put you childs needs first? Child needs to be resting at home. MIL's needs are secondary.

[Hissy]

You've posted about this never ending birthday year already haven't you? Iirc, MIL demanded trhe holiday after a party/do at the time of her birthday AND this meal?

Your child is ill. You are all carrying what IS a dangerous virus to those who are PG or immunocompromised.

No is a complete sentance.

She's had more flaming birth celebrations than the queen ffs. Tell her to get her own jelly and ice cream.

[SwishSwoshSwoosh]

Apologies, I misunderstood, thought the child was going to the restaurant. Seems even more nuts to drive a poorly child for hours to be looked after by a stranger. I thought the babysitter was at home OR you were taking them with you. I promises I did rtft I just got very confused!

No of course others can go, unless you have serious thoughts they are about to burst out in spots themselves (personally if one child had it and I thought the other was incubating it, I would start quarantine for both at same time).

But I think it is U to expose anyone to it unless you have to, so my concern about a waitress in restaurant applies to staff in service station for example.

[3littlefrogs]

My ds was terribly ill with chicken pox. For 3 weeks. He was fine for the first 2 days then got very sick indeed. I wouldn't have dreamt of taking a contagious child anywhere in any case.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Scrap that I've just read the NHS link,I did know it but temp forgot.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Strange question that hopefully someone will be able to answer, I've never had chicken pox what are the risks from it to pregnant women?

[Bogeyface]

What did your MIL say?

[thebody]

Well done op. I recall a great mumsnet quite.

'No is a complete sentence'

You don't need to argue or explain. If your mil is that dense and daft ghen why bother.

[deliakate]

Dinnea worry

[Andro]

X post! It seems I've been a little hash, unfairly so. I apologise OP.

[CheckpointCharlie]

good not god

[Andro]

The journey tonight would be under cover of darkness and they normally sleep as we go after bath time.

Usual doesn't apply when child is ill! She could easily suffer a fever/chills/vomiting/headache/be very itchy and uncomfortable - the result being that she doesn't sleep.

On Sunday, we can easily not stop and have a sandwich in the car and nappy change on the back seat.

Nausea? Fever? Itching? It's the same deal as going, planning goes out the window when child is unwell.

But she will be awake and potentially hot an uncomfortable so that's what I'm worried about....

If that's all you're worried about then you have bigger problems than a child with chicken pox!

[CheckpointCharlie]

Yes am god at dealing with MILs too!!! I ind that making it i to an emotional reason helps as she can't disagree with that!

'I feel very upset about the thought of bringing her so we will stay here.'
That type of thing.

Good luck!

[deliakate]

Also, swishswashswoosh - re the lady in the restaurant, are you suggesting parents and siblings of chicken pox inflicted children should quarantine themselves too? I have never heard of this.

[5madthings]

swish her dd wouldn't be going to the restaraunt she would be staying at Mil's with a babysitter who knows she has chickenpox and is happy tho still babysit.


But regardless of that it ius not OK to risk spreading it and it could well be horrible and in comfortable for dd, she needs to stay home and be kept comfortable.

[Inertia]

Look, it's not fair on your DD to make her travel all that way and then be looked after by a stranger in a strange house without her parents. She might sleep usually, I doubt she will sleep well if she is feverish and itchy with carseat straps rubbing her spots -don't rule out a 5 hour journey accompanied by crying.

It's downright irresponsible to expose other people to the risk of chicken pox.

You've been told that it would be irresponsible to take her - would you like us to tell your MIL for you ?

[deliakate]

Rude lady, swishswashswoosh. I am not taking her, I'm just jotting things down (arguments mil might use) about it in between looking after the two children on my own all day. Really my question wasn't should I take her but was I bu to think mil is a cow for trying to make me. Anyway, thanks everyone, I had thought of all the points mentioned, which add more grist to my mojo for when I ring mil later on.