Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my DD looking at porn

87 replies

sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 20:57

looking on safari history, I can see there's pornhub stuff on there, I shouldn't be surprised I suppose as she is 17 it just that it makes my stomach turn a little...

OP posts:
BOF · 06/04/2013 20:59

Don't you have controls on the internet?

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:00

I don't know how to change the router settings, even if I did she can take her laptop and phone and access this most anywhere...

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 06/04/2013 21:00

Well, the problem with porn is that it's so easily available these days that more people look at it than if you had to pay imo. And as she's nearly an adult then you can't really stop her.

I do feel though that some porn damages a young person's sexuality so I can understand your concerns.

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:01

I'm just concerned she'll think this is the 'norm' when it's not

OP posts:
Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:01

lottie...How do you mean damages their sexuality?

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 06/04/2013 21:03

It's your job as her parent to ensure she knows it's not the norm though there really is nothing wrong with looking at porn.

Hassled · 06/04/2013 21:03

So talk to her. Tell her/show her some information about the porn industry. Talk to her about the objectification of women. Educate her a bit. I did with my DD.

And then - if she's still fine with it, you'll have to accept that - she's more or less an adult. Just don't be coy about the subject.

sannaville · 06/04/2013 21:03

Afaik pornhub is fairly safe. I only as my friends son was watching vids on there so she took a look at the site she said its lots of free video clips and nothing tremendously bad, mostly heterosexual but some hi stuff. She will be curious at 17 so I'd prob just ride it out as better she's looking at free websites than running up your phonebill with expensive porn phonelines
;)

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:04

How do you have the convo about what is norm?

OP posts:
sannaville · 06/04/2013 21:04

Bi not hi!!

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:06

sanna, sorry to be a bot thick but what is 'hi' stuff?

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 06/04/2013 21:06

tbh if such a thing as online porn had existed when I was 17 I probably would have looked at it.
Who pays for her phone btw? If it's you, then actually, she doesn't need a smart phone and she could have a basic calls/texts only model.
You can put safe search settings on her laptop, although she will probably know how to change these.
If I were you, I would try and make sure she has a good understanding that there is a difference between porn and sex. Not sure how you do this though!

Buddhagirl · 06/04/2013 21:06

Not unreasonable to be shocked, I think her being curious is normal though, so is porn. Unsettling though.

HotCrossPun · 06/04/2013 21:06

It might be pretty tame stuff she is watching. They have a 'female friendly' section on most of those websites.

Are you going to talk to her about it?

BinksToEnlightenment · 06/04/2013 21:07

Don't tell her you know! How embarrassing for her.

Lots of girls look at porn. I did from a lot younger than that and with no access to the internet.

sannaville · 06/04/2013 21:07

I would say you came across the sites on laptop history and just so she knows 99.9percent of woman don't have a full Hollywood wax on their Fanjo, a boobjob, botox in their face, group sex, a boyfriend with a 15 inch Willy , and they don't have very very very very very loud orgasms! Tell her its all for show ;)

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:07

I feel a bit sick tbh, I don't know how to raise it, I can see it's girl on girl stuff she's looked at...

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 06/04/2013 21:07

I agree with hassled. I don't like the way women are sometimes depicted in the films.

I know of some people (men) for whom porn has become so much a part of their lives from a young age that they feel they have to use it all the time otherwise they can't get aroused.

SirBoobAlot · 06/04/2013 21:09

Reasonably normal, and pornhub is pretty tame.

You could have a conversation with her about it being good to find out what you like etc, but that porn isn't a healthy expression of sexuality.

lottieandmia · 06/04/2013 21:09

oh if it's girl on girl stuff, seriously don't worry - a lot of women have these type of fantasies.

I would be more concerned about young women getting the message that it's ok to be ganged banged by a load of men with enormous penises.

HollyBerryBush · 06/04/2013 21:09

17, I'm afraid I deal with girls of 12 and 13 who view it, sadly a lot of children do. parents may regulate laptops etc but they forget about mobile phones.

I can see it's girl on girl stuff she's looked at - with that in mind, don't you think it's her place to work out her sexuality and raise it with you at a time she feels comfortable with?

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:10

Thanks Lottie feel a bit better now...

OP posts:
HotCrossPun · 06/04/2013 21:10

If she is looking at girl-on-girl stuff she is probably just curious.

Is it the idea of her watching porn specifically that is unsettling you or her masturbating?

Flojobunny · 06/04/2013 21:11

I don't understand why everyone thinks you need to change the settings or talk to her.
She's 17, what she gets up to is her business surely? I know that she's supposed to be 18 to watch it but how many people here got to 18 before watching an 18 rated film.
I'm sure by 17 she has had a full sex education and doesn't require a 'talk'.

sannaville · 06/04/2013 21:12

Oh yes don't worry about girl on girl stuff (just perhaps keep that snippet of.info.to.yourself don't let her know that u know!)
Good luck with the chat!