To be shocked at my DD looking at porn

[sanfran22]

looking on safari history, I can see there's pornhub stuff on there, I shouldn't be surprised I suppose as she is 17 it just that it makes my stomach turn a little...

MintyAreo....I am sad just another sign she's almost a woman..

Gummy...she's unfortunately not much of a reader....the Daily Mail link is a good one though, I think I'll use it but maybe not just yet..like you say privacy is really important here.

Please I'm begging you don't tell her you've seen that she's looking at porn. You'll destroy what sounds like a good level between you.

Do have a couple of discussions (prompted by some thing your read /saw) about porn and the sex industry.

sanfran22

shellbu I don't think I would if it was a son as I would imagine that boys seek out porn more than girls, or am I assuming again?

Vague figures off the top of my head from something I read a while ago - 2/3 of boys and around 1/3 of girls under the age of 30 regularly watch porn.

Maggie111

You could show her this, completely unrelated like wink to show her a brief example of how fake the porn industry is

^www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2293869/Porn-star-make-artist-reveals-highlighting-contouring-beauty-tricks-transform-spotty-skin-flawless-face.html^

It's no different to Hollywood stars, or famous people doing themselves up. How fake is that? How fake are wedding photos when the bride's spent 3 hours in makeup and 6 months picking a dress?

I imagine she knows it's fake/doesn't care and just wants something to masturbate to.

The same as most people who look at porn.

Herrena....I would never, ever say what I'd seen I am just concerned about what she's seen and how it may affect her. That conversation just wouldn't take place for fear of ruining our relationship.Which is why it's tricky to raise the subject without her knowing what I know!

At 17, I'd say nothing - unless it was a shared computer that younger children could access. If it were, I would suggest that she clears the history after use so that they can't see what she's been looking at.

Otherwise, at 17, she's old enough to be having sex, whether that's with a man or a woman - the bulk of discussion should have taken place LONG ago.

Fliss...no younger children access....the bulk of discussion did happen a long time ago yes, and we openly talk about most stuff I think I thought she might access it, seeing that she does is still a shock daft as that sounds.

Pornhub isn't pretty tame IMO. It's not like getting a magazine - there's some grim stuff on there (just looked).

I'm not sure what I'd do - if I could block it I would if I were you without telling her, but most teenagers are pretty savvy and could find ways around it.

Oh please don't confront her on this she will be mortified and probably move out!!!!! Perfectly normal to look at this type of thing- she's probably just curious. I say again- please do not tell you know!

milkys....I won't, I wouldn't know how to have the conversation without it looking like I'm invading her privacy which is so dangerous.

Creature...I can't really block it, she might even wonder why I had suddenly done this and I am sure she'd find a way. Is the stuff on there really grim? Now I'm worried!

You are aware that at 16 sex is legal right? I don't know why people are shocked. Sexually active people often enjoy explicit material.

Don't think it's that unusual. At 17 I was reading the Xaviera Hollander books . DD who's almost 15 has asked the sorts of questions I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my mother and told me how she felt when she saw Black Swan at 13 . Part of me has to do a double take; part of me is glad she can talk to me and I am by no means a trendy right on mum. And she downloaded 50 shades of with my cc on her kindle - and thought it was crap so didn't read beyond the first chapter.

She's not sexually active....well not to my knowledge! That's what I'm worried about, it's just not real is it?

Obviously she finds the girl on girl thing a turn on, and I have wondered about her sexuality after seeing that she's into this but I guess she has to tell me in her own time if that's the case...interesting to see how many mumsnetters are straight that like this, can always rely on mumsnetters to tell me how it is!

Forgot to mention, The Pink Cross Foundation is a charity (they are Christian in basis,) set up to help ex-porn stars and expose the realities of the business. There are some shocking stories on their site, but I can't see how you could show her them without looking obvious. You could claim someone else has sent you a link maybe?

I've got to be honest here and say that I'm surprised the issue of porn hasn't ever been discussed and she's got to this age without a conversation about it. Porn affects so many mainstream aspects of daily lives for young men and women; fashion, grooming, aspirations, social networking - as well as unrealistic expectations about sexual behaviour. Initiating just about any conversation about any of these would give you an inroad into what could be a very interesting discussion about her views and also your own. If she isn't yet sexually active, some of the material she can easily access has the potential to harm her sex life when it happens. I'd do some research yourself too. It really isn't harmless at all.

Have you posted this before? I'm sure I read it a few weeks ago.

I'm just aware of the potential harm it could do....some are saying talk others not...I think the way forward is that at some point...not just yet I could easily move the conversation around, just a case of timing, obvs I wouldn't say what I know but would just have an open discussion on the realities and the objectification side of it.

Plum....no haven't I would be interested to read that thread. There must be a lot of teenagers out there doing the same!

Sorry, totally different poster other thread

Yes but some posters on here use porn themselves and won't see the harm in it, however much information there is available. Others see the harm and don't really care. Some take the line that there's harm in lots of other things, so it's not worth worrying about this one.

The documentary some posters have referred to is Hardcore, a 2001 documentary shown on Channel 4 featuring a woman named Felicity. What was really good about this film was that it woke people up to the realities of the porn industry and the horrendous abuse carried out by a popular, rich porn producer. It brought people's growing objections into the mainstream and gave people who were frightened of being called Mary Whitehouses or Lord Longfords, a legitimate voice.

The knack with teenagers is not to shame them. It's not their fault that society is so pornified and that uncensored material is so accessible. So it's much better to give them information, encourage discussion and to be open to learning about their 'norms' too.

Don't try aNd discuss it, can u imagine how u would feel at that age and ur parents wanting a adult discussion about it.

I'm sorry but u will just have go butt out and forget about it. Rampant teenage hormones all that! I would how ever bring up that its on history and hint that u think its ds or dh do she won't use that lap top again.

No, please don't blame other members of the family.

Don't mention her own use at all, but do have a wider discussion.