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Original poster

To be shocked at my DD looking at porn

87 replies

sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 20:57

looking on safari history, I can see there's pornhub stuff on there, I shouldn't be surprised I suppose as she is 17 it just that it makes my stomach turn a little...

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Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:13

Everyone masturbates, I don't have a issue at all with that I was just shocked to find it that's all,and without looking too far into it (which made me feel uncomfortable) I was just concerned what she might be looking at

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Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:15

Flojo... that's what I was thinking, she's almost 18 and it is her business I just feel sick if she's looking at anything really bad and as I don't frequent these sites I have no idea how what theyre like though someone has said porn hub 'is ok'

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sannaville · 06/04/2013 21:15

I'd keep an eye on the usage but if she doesn't stray from pornhub she will be ok

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:23

Do any of you think I should talk to her about this?

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lottieandmia · 06/04/2013 21:26

Personally I wouldn't - as others have said I don't think she is doing anything that unusual. If it were my daughter I wouldn't be concerned by what you saw.

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 21:28

Maybe it's the norm and they all do it then, I guess if I had had access at her age I'd be doing the same, I was just a bit shocked that's all but I don't really know why! Maybe it's the realisation she's almost an adult not my sweet little girl any more....

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livinginwonderland · 06/04/2013 21:30

if she was 13, i would say talk to her, but she's 17. it's legal for her to have sex, and although she technically has to be 18 to watch/buy porn, she's not really doing anything wrong. just leave her be. i watched pornn (girl on girl mostly) at that age and i would have been seriously humiliated if my parents had brought it up!

MissSG · 06/04/2013 21:32

I honestly wouldn't worry at all about her using porn.

I have been viewing porn from a very young age and I only use pornhub now when I want to watch a few videos. I only watch girl on girl, it has been a fantasy for me since I was young (I am straight with a DS and currently pregnant) so please do not worry yourself with this Sorry if that's a bit TMI, I thought that it would make you feel better

I personally wouldn't talk about it with her as she may take your concerns the wrong way and you don't want to risk this coming between your relationship as it really is not an issue in my opinion.

Charbon · 06/04/2013 21:42

At her age I don't think I'd be discussing her personal use of porn, but if I didn't already know how much the porn industry can harm young people's sexuality, I'd be doing a lot of reading right now and would having a conversation about this as a general topic of concern. A lot of people who aren't even parents are worried about the pornification of society and the way it is hijacking teenagers' sexuality and destroying sex for them before they have even done anything in real-life.

If your daughter is interested in feminism, this could be a way in. Very little porn is made by women for women and it's also extremely unlikely that the stuff you've found is the only material she has been accessing.

Kione · 06/04/2013 21:51

maybe not mention the porn, but deffinitelly talk abour sex, the bad and good things abd maybe explain that real sex is not like porn. In my opinion its worst for teenager boys ti watch it and the expect the girls to look and do what porn stars do Sad

Buddhagirl · 06/04/2013 21:53

Can you imagine how embarrassed she will be? Thinking about my mother talking to me about porn makes me shudder!

HesterShaw · 06/04/2013 21:56

I would have died if my mum had tried to have a conversation like this with me. At the age of 17 especially.

Mind you, her idea of sex ed was telling me on my 16th birthday "If you get pregnant, I'm not looking after it." That was it Grin

WhinyCrabbyPeople · 06/04/2013 22:02

I'd bring it up in a vague way...sort of, "if you should happen to come across on your Internet travels..." And a discussion about how the majority of internet porn is mostly not representative of healthy sexuality between loving partners...I recently discovered how easy it is to stumble across some pretty hard-core, disturbing images (on a completely unrelated site, with controls in place).

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 22:03

Miss SG, thanks for that, I feel a lot more reassured now.

We do talk a lot about things, I just don't want to lose her trust and make her embarrassed. For example we both watched that programme together about dogging on C4, now that was crazy! Both of us felt comfortable with watching it in each others company and we had a discussion about it latermI don't want to invade her privacy which is important.

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specialsubject · 06/04/2013 22:08

our generation had to be tall enough to reach the top shelf, and work up the nerve to pay for the magazine. Nothing has changed about teens, except the technology (and the surgery, and the waxing)

curiosity is ok as long as she is armed with the knowledge she needs to deal with it and not be influenced by it. And to avoid the bad stuff which is all too accessible - this WASN'T the case when publications could be seized and burned.

BertieBotts · 06/04/2013 22:11

I agree about having a general conversation about porn and the negative sides - the fact it's unrealistic and often portrays quite abusive/non consensual situations :( that decent guys won't expect this kind of performance from her and that she should take sex at the pace she is ready for.

I wouldn't sit her down and make it obvious you've seen what she's been looking at, but just a general conversation like you would normally talk about sex etc. Like you say, if she hadn't seen it on the home computer it's safe to assume that she would have seen it elsewhere, so just talk as though you are assuming she will/has seen it as some point in general rather than that you're terribly concerned because you know about it.

BertieBotts · 06/04/2013 22:12

If you like documentaries there's a good (if harrowing!) one about porn... someone will know the name of it :)

Springdiva · 06/04/2013 22:13

I'm surprised that everyone is so laid back about this.
No doubt all kids look at porn nowadays but I'd be tempted to maybe find some articles about this for her to read. I'd hate my DD to think that she must have to perform to certain standards to keep any man.
There is so much yuk stuff on the internet I'd want her to get a bit of a more balanced picture. Then, of course, the choice is hers.

shellbu · 06/04/2013 22:18

would you of felt the same if it was a son looking at porn ?

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 22:20

shellbu I don't think I would if it was a son as I would imagine that boys seek out porn more than girls, or am I assuming again?

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Maggie111 · 06/04/2013 22:20

You could show her this, completely unrelated like Wink to show her a brief example of how fake the porn industry is

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2293869/Porn-star-make-artist-reveals-highlighting-contouring-beauty-tricks-transform-spotty-skin-flawless-face.html

WhinyCrabbyPeople · 06/04/2013 22:23

I would have, Shellbu and I'd have the same conversation. I feel like it's so easy for them to come across it, I'd rather they were forearmed and forewarned and, coming from a household where issues of sexuality were not discussed ever I make a point of erring on the side of over-share (in age-appropriate ways, obviously) with my kids so that they know that no topic is off-limits for discussion.

MintyyAeroEgg · 06/04/2013 22:23

I would be sad but not shocked, particularly. But I would want my dd to shun porn and everything that it represents, although finding a way to talk to her about that (as her mother) would be sooooo tricky.

Original poster
sanfran22 · 06/04/2013 22:25

Thanks for the thread maggie, I have bookmarked but still don't know if they'd be an appropriate time, I don't know how often she accesses this so I don't want it to appear obvious if you know what I mean

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GummyAdams · 06/04/2013 22:26

I wouldn't speak to her. Personally, I would feel as if my privacy had been invaded. She is still your sweet little girl though! Looking at porn doesn't change that; it would be worse for her to know that her Mum feels sickened by the thought of what is probably just pure curiosity.
I don't know if she's much of a reader, but i would definitely get some pop-feminist books too pass on to her. 'Living Dolls' is a great one and examines attitudes to porn/sex work etc. If you read it first, you can have a discussion with her about the realities of porn, without letting on that you've seen her history.
Google 'Porn Stars Without Makeup' to show her. Unfortunately, I think the Daily Mail link is one of the better ones. It is such an eye-opener. I showed it to my DH and he was really shocked by how young and girl-next-door some (some!) of the women look. I think it brings home that they are all someones sister/daughter/mother etc.