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Original poster

Other people's weddings

154 replies

johnthepong · 20/02/2013 11:05

Gone are the days when I could look forward to a wedding and enjoy the day out. Everyone seems so wrapped up in their own weddings they forget the rest of us have a life, or might have other Shock weddings to go to. yes I should be grateful I have been invited but I am fed up with the things costing me a fortune.
Nobody has a hen night now, everybody has a hen weekend. Everybody has to do some "unique" activity which costs the rest of us a fortune. of course, the hen can't be expected to pay for her own fucking hen weekend so we all have to foot the bill. then, after said weekend, we all had to contribute to buy the bridesmaids a present to thank them for organising the weekend. When the duck did this start? surely that is the bride' s job?!
All anybody wants for their wedding these days is cash. Guess what- I don't have any left, I spent it all on your hen do. You can't just give someone £10 or £20, it's their WEDDING! So you feel obliged to give them more than you can afford. :(
Of course, my children aren't invited to any of their special days, so they get shipped off for another weekend without mummy, having only just returned after the hen weekend.
And then we all have to think of a "special" memory of me and the bride, and a special song that can be played at the special wedding.
I've got 3 like this in 2 months. I'm going to turn down the next hen invite I get. No family holiday for us this year.

OP posts:
EuroShagmore · 20/02/2013 11:10

Get new friends. None of mine did any of the things you complain about.

atthewelles · 20/02/2013 11:10

YANBU except in your comment about children being invited to weddings. I really think its up to the B&G to decide if they want/can afford to have a load of kids running around.

But yes, weddings have got waaay OTT and expensive, particularly the ones that are held in the middle of nowhere involving costly overnight stays and forking out a fortune for petrol/train tickets.

EstherRancid · 20/02/2013 11:11

where are all these weddings i keep hearing about on MN?

i've never once encountered the turmoil and pressure that is giving everyone so much grief

the last wedding i went to (last year) was a very good friend of DHs, we went, had some lovely food, a guest turned up with a spare wedding cake as a gift so they raffled that one off for a charity and we all got drunk and had a whale of a time

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 11:15

Simple! Don't go! I don't. Grin

Original poster
johnthepong · 20/02/2013 11:19

I really dont mind child free weddings, in fact I prefer to attend a wedding without my children as it is less to worry about, but I just feel a little sad for my kids who have been shipped off to grandma's so many weekends in a row.

OP posts:
IneedAgoldenNickname · 20/02/2013 11:20

I organised my sils hen weekend, I didn't gets present :(

Other than that I've never been to a wedding like that, all the ones I've been to have had children invited, and no pressure to buy gifts/give money unfree you can afford it. I can't so I don't.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 20/02/2013 11:21

Yanbu, every stag do DP has been invited to recently have been weekends away at a different city or country, one was even a week away to magaluf! I think it's ridiculous, what's wrong with a night out at the pub?!

EstherRancid · 20/02/2013 11:23

what Holly said

Pendipidy · 20/02/2013 11:24

Nobody is forcing you to go or ship off your children.

Peevish · 20/02/2013 11:25

Make friend with me. No hen do, no bridesmaids, no presents, no frock, special songs or photos - no wedding, really, just a registry office lunchtime quickie with two witnesses. We didn't even get round to telling anyone about it for weeks. It was great.

Nancy66 · 20/02/2013 11:27

I am very strict about this sort of thing.

I won't go to an entire hen weekend - I'll go for a few drinks in the evening.

I buy the couple a wedding gift and that's it. No engagement pressie, no baby shower one either.

I'll only fork out for babysitters and hotel stays for very close friends and family.

I'm buggered if I'm going to spend the best part of a grand because someone is getting married.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 11:27

I totally agree with you OP.

It's snowballed into a ridiculous circus that makes the B and G into entitled power crazed nutjobs in many cases.

I went on a hen weekend that cost me £600. I was herded around and told what to do and given a schedule and not allowed to rest for three days.

That was 5 years ago and I haven't been on one since. What is wrong with people? and this crazy business that the bride doesn't pay for her own hen weekend?

Big fat hairy bollocks to that.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 20/02/2013 11:27

I think the OP is aware she doesn't have to go to these hen nights/weddings, she's just having a moan about them.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 11:28

It's all got mad and greedy and crazy.

GreenLeafTea · 20/02/2013 11:31

But then people get offended if you don't go so you can't win either way.

ChocolateCakePlease · 20/02/2013 11:32

My sister did this last year for her wedding/hen do. The hen was an all weekend affair 50 miles away so we had to fork out for a 14 seater coach to take us all, an overnight stay plus the night out. The hen do alone cost well over £100 each! I did try to suggest alternatives to no avail and i could hardly say i wasn't going to go to my own sisters hen do.

The wedding was no children which i didn't mind because it is nice to have the break but i know alot of his family were very upset because they are very family minded and see weddings as a family affair.

Plus they asked for money instead of a present.

THEN - they split up 6 months later!

eggso · 20/02/2013 11:32

My dad's view of life:
25-35 You go to your friends weddings
45-55 You go to your friends parents funerals
55 65 You go to your friends childrens weddings
65+ You go to your friends funerals.

I'm sure it was better said than that, but my point is. Don't worry, within a few years it will be over and you'll have loads of funerals to look forward too... Hmm

Branleuse · 20/02/2013 11:35
EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 20/02/2013 11:35

£600? Shock Bloody hell You!

The world has really changed and not for the good, stag/hen weekends, proms, baby showers, it'll be sodding gender reveal parties next.

eggso · 20/02/2013 11:36

eyescrossed have you never seen them? They have a cake covered in icing and when you cut it the sponge is either blue or pink!

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 11:37

Can I hi-jack this for a general party rant?

Special Birthdays.

DH and all his mates are 50 this year. Tell me WHY I am going to party after party with the same bloody people every weekend? just why? Why didn't one of them have the brains to think "ah, lets get one big venue and have one massive party" ???

What has really pissed me off is the party planning - Dh is the one who keeps in touch with absolutely everybody - the constant phonecalls and texts to see if DH is still in touch with so-snd-so from school. No fecker has seen so-snd-so for 30 years. Just why the overwhelming need to recreate an old school reunion every bloody weekend???? Have you seen so-and-so we used to play football with in 1979? What happened to Doo-Dah?

And another bloody round of them coming up at Easter.

Then I get the "Holly, see if you can track down Fred on FB" - WTF do I want to be stalking Fred for? If he wanted to be found he'd send Christmas cards! "Holly, do you remember what Stans wife was called?" - erm, no, and the likelihood is they are divorced by now. "Holly, look at this bloke, do you think it could be Joes son?" arrrgh? last time I saw Joes son he was wearing a rompersuit and had a dummy in his gob - how am I supposed to know if this Joe with the very common surname is the same one?

There is generally a good reason you don't see people from 30 years ago.

breathe, breathe, breathe

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 11:38

Totally agree EyesCrossed. It just got stupid and I suddenly realised I don't actually have to go!

It was all cocktails at this bar, and champagne at this place, and dinner here etc. pure greed and consumerism and nonsense. I mean it's a marriage, it's not Death Row.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 11:39

But then people get offended if you don't go so you can't win either way.

That's their problem. you just say "It's not in our budget, but have a good time!"

fairylightsinthesnow · 20/02/2013 11:40

I think you are generalising. My 2 hen dos were very small, one day affairs, mostly in the house. When I get invited to weekends or even day ones which involve things that I don't enjoy or can't afford, I don't go, regardless of how close a friend they are. Most of them aren't that though, at most they are an afternoon / evening thing. As for the weddings, people want cash because they have usually lived together and don't need the usual / traditional household things. Its pretty common these days to say no gifts also. Someone gave me a tenner on our wedding. I wasn't Angry, I know they are skint, I appreciated it and they didn't have to get me anything. Perhaps you are thinking that YOU would expect more so you think you have to give more? A wedding is as big a deal as you want to make it, and that goes for if you are a guest or the host. As for kids not being invited, totally up to the B&G - provided they don;t get pissy if you say you can't go, its totally reasonable to prefer not to have under 12s (ish) at a formal occasion which involves lots of sitting quietly.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 11:42

This thread is sort of generalising fairy, but it really is the case these days that a wedding invite landing on the floor fills people with dread rather than excitement.