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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another thoughtless example of DP's selfishness

113 replies

mumstonic · 18/02/2013 22:42

Its my birthday tomorrow. .

DP turned to me a moment ago and said "so, what do you want for your birthday then?"

Translated this means: I haven't got you anything, but I have asked so don't say I didn't try.

My obvious look of disappointment then prompted him to sulk like a child. No doubt my fault for not giving him clear present buying instructions. Arse.

AIBU to be just a little bit pissed off?

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 18/02/2013 22:44

YANBU.

I would be "forgetting" his birthday. But I am petty like that!

Cailinsalach · 18/02/2013 22:49

My ex was like this. He often forgot entirely. He once popped some money in an envelope. I did the weekly shop with it.Arse.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 18/02/2013 22:49

YANBU

coraltoes · 18/02/2013 22:49

"find a better husband than you you cheap fuck" would have been my response

Catchingmockingbirds · 18/02/2013 22:51

Shock I hope he's kidding...!

LisaMed · 18/02/2013 22:54

If you do not give clear instructions about your birthday then do not expect anything

Last but one I asked for something from Cath Kidston. I gave him the directions to the shop, a few pointers and a price range. OH found the right street, went to the shop opposite and bought me a dvd. I like documentaries on dvd. This was one that I had described, and he had repeated the description, as woollier than a knitters' convention and more padded than a starlet's bra. Last one was a book I asked him not to buy me and a book I will never, ever use.

Blush sorry for venting hijack. Can you tell that Mother's Day is coming up and will once again be vile.

Smartiepants79 · 18/02/2013 22:56

Why is HE sulking? Prat.

TwoKidsAndCounting · 18/02/2013 23:00

Mine is like this, takes me weeks to get over it. I think it's a control thing and they don't get you anything because its expected of them and they don't like to do things that others think they should, bla bla. That's my theory anyway, I always do look too much into thing! :/

Bobyan · 18/02/2013 23:04

Leave the bastard.

Original poster
mumstonic · 18/02/2013 23:06

Catching - I wish he was!

wannabe - He's already told me he wants a party for his BDay. I don't think i'll bother.

He'll now do one of two things:

A) panic buy a lame gift that he thinks I'll like. Probably a bottle of crap perfume and the line 'it's your favourite right?'

OR

B) Just tell me to get a haircut or something.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 18/02/2013 23:07

Is this indicative of other behaviour? Has he any redeeming features?

It does smack of a total lack of thought on his part though. How is he about his own birthdays?

Original poster
mumstonic · 18/02/2013 23:16

Lisamed - I thought you were going to say he came out with a tea towel!

Youthecat - Yes, afraid it is indicative of other selfish traits and yes expects royal treatment on his birthday.

This year my gift to him is likely to involve half a dozen bin bags and a permanent trip to his mothers.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumstonic · 18/02/2013 23:18

Oh and smartiepants, he sulks because it will of course be MY fault that I'm without gift because I didn't tell him what I wanted when asked (at 10.30pm the night before).

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 18/02/2013 23:21

Under no circumstances make a fuss of him on his birthday... watch him flunce and sulk (as he will, as it will be all your fault) then give him those binbags, and don't forget the bow.

It may feel petty "it's only a birthday" and if it wasn't part of a bigger picture or happened rarely (My DH genuinely forgot my birthday one year, but in his defence he was working away and thought it was the week after... he went out of his way to make up for it) but it sounds like he thinks of you and your feeling rarely.

He's sulking?? Knobber. Turn your blinkers on, pretend he's not there, let him sulk and enjoy the peace x

YouTheCat · 18/02/2013 23:28

Treat yourself to something lovely and ignore him. Make plans to go out with friends without him if possible.

And when it's his birthday, do nothing and then ask him what he wants the night before. See how he likes it.

Catchingmockingbirds · 18/02/2013 23:37

Use this birthday as a benchmark for the effort to put into his birthday. If he's not bothered doing anything special for you then under no circumstances should you throw him a party.

SashaSashays · 18/02/2013 23:43

  1. Ignore his birthday

  2. Take his credit card and go out for a nice lunch/something you would like to do and buy yourself a decent present. Obviously not the same but would make me feel better. I'd even be tempted to buy something like a giant strap on and spend the next week torturing him with the idea you're expecting to use it, then insist he takes it back to the shop Wink

Has he said what will be happening to celebrate your birthday?

Original poster
mumstonic · 18/02/2013 23:47

Its becoming a theme. Last year he was ill on my birthday and when I arranged to go out for dinner without him, he called me a 'selfish bitch'.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch. So I may, drop the DCs off with DM and stay out until I'm sufficiently inebriated and passed caring. Next year will be different i'm sure of that.

OP posts:
AudrinaAdare · 18/02/2013 23:51

He is sulking? Shock

What a wanker!

DH and I don't do anything for occasions these days but it is talked about and agreed upon.

He sounds like a proper twat.

ImperialBlether · 18/02/2013 23:54

Am I the only person who would leave someone who called me a "selfish bitch"?

YouTheCat · 18/02/2013 23:56

How ill was he? Are we talking a touch of man flu here? Or something that required him being looked after?

Still not on to call you a selfish bitch though.

Goldmandra · 18/02/2013 23:57

DH either gets me wine and chocolates from Tesco from DCs or something he wants for Christmas and birthdays.

This Christmas I dropped hints galore about an iPad around birthday and Christmas. I had got wine and chocs for two previous birthdays and Christmases, same again this one, and a camera he wanted for this Christmas. I had told him straight that I didn't want to replace my camera. He did.

The day after Boxing Day I bought myself and iPad. I love it. The DCs love it. He hates it.

It isn't just can't be bothered. It's also about being disorganised. He invited lots of friends round for my 40th and then organised nothing in the way of food/drink so he told me a few days beforehand and I had to sort it all out. I am sure he had intended to sort it all then not got round to it and suddenly realised it was getting too late.

No point in taking offence. I was just able to spend a significant amount on me without feeling at all guilty because it covered a few birthdays and Christmases.

It was his birthday yesterday. He got beer and chocolates from the DCs. I didn't have to feel guilty for not getting round to sorting a decent present.

Original poster
mumstonic · 19/02/2013 00:05

Youthecat yep a simple dose of man flu, which in his world means dying. Of course this requires my undivided attention, waitress service and lots of fuss. He once called me from upstairs because the TV remote was just inches from his reach. He was hanging off the sofa, with his arm out stretched groaning like a twat.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 00:07

He would have had something more to groan about if he'd done that to me. Grin

SashaSashays · 19/02/2013 00:18

You need to give him a reality check. Why are you allowing him to treat you this way?