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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another thoughtless example of DP's selfishness

113 replies

mumstonic · 18/02/2013 22:42

Its my birthday tomorrow. .

DP turned to me a moment ago and said "so, what do you want for your birthday then?"

Translated this means: I haven't got you anything, but I have asked so don't say I didn't try.

My obvious look of disappointment then prompted him to sulk like a child. No doubt my fault for not giving him clear present buying instructions. Arse.

AIBU to be just a little bit pissed off?

OP posts:
MechanicalTheatre · 19/02/2013 00:22

He sounds like a total twat.

Original poster
mumstonic · 19/02/2013 00:26

Sasha - Its the tip of the iceberg really. This is just another example of his selfish, thoughtless behavior. I'm going to make some changes and pretty soon too....

OP posts:
SashaSashays · 19/02/2013 00:29

Do not allow yourself to be treated like this, if this is the tip of the iceberg, your relationship sounds like a great big floating mound of frozen wank!

I can't remember it exactly but that saying "you can't change someone but you can change your relationship with them" is so relevant to this.

Asking you to get the remote like that when it wasn't even a joke, that is disrespectful to the nth degree. Do not allow him to further humiliate you, I would be bloody incandescent if DH behaved in the ways you've described.

You should buy that giant dildo I suggested, and whack him round the chops with it. What a bellend.

ComradeJing · 19/02/2013 00:39

Jesus Shock

LTB

SashaSashays · 19/02/2013 00:52

Sorry I just realised what I've posted might not be the ideal sentiment on what is now your special day.

Happy Birthday Thanks have some Wine enjoy your day and annihilate the guy on Wednesday.

MidnightMasquerader · 19/02/2013 01:02

I really just don't get it.

At what point did he have a lobotomy and morph from someone worth dating and being nice enough to spend time with, into an arsehole of the highest order?

Original poster
mumstonic · 19/02/2013 07:56

Thank you Sasha x

Well, he bought me tea in bed this morning. Unfortunately, no surprise gift or even a card (he'll buy that from the garage on the way home from work no doubt).

Midnight he wasn't always like this. In fact take heed ladies he is one that started out good all diamonds and romantic gestures but morphed into a selfish arse. It wasn't over night either, just a very slow process from Mr thoughtful to Mr thoughtless.

OP posts:
baskingseals · 19/02/2013 08:35

happy birthday mumstonic, hope you enjoy your lunch.

don't let dh stop you having a lovely day. deal with him later

Thanks
BambieO · 19/02/2013 08:38

I would be mightily pissed off about the card. DH knows if there isn't a card in the morning then not to bother at all, it just shows that it would be purchased as an afterthought 'oh better get a card it's her bday today' rather than 'its DWs birthday she deserves a nice day'

It doesn't take much to get a card in advance even if no present. I would tell him thanks when he comes in and leave it unopened

Sugarice · 19/02/2013 08:39

Happy Birthday Thanks and enjoy that lunch Grin.

I hope he pulls out all the stops and makes an effort to get you something nice.

Does he work in a job that means he can get into town?

Original poster
mumstonic · 19/02/2013 17:47

Sugar and basking thanks for the birthday messages.

I was told to fuck off this morning during a phone call, all because i said I was upset by the lack of card.

He is still not home, even though he is self employed and can flex his hours. He usually gets home at 4.00pm yesterday it was 3.00pm. Its now 5.45pm and no sign of him and he's not answering his phone.

I haven't prepared dinner as I was hoping we may go out or he would cook. The kids are starving he'll know this. This is mind games isn't it? He is purposely doing this to upset me.

I predict he'll come home with an excuse about some work catastrophe and i'll be made to feel mental for being just a bit upset.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 17:50

Aw Mumstonic, that is utterly shit of him.

Get those kids fed and order yourself a nice take away. Do you have wine/mates to go and see once he's back/something nice to do for you?

Hope your birthday improves, vastly.

Buzzardbird · 19/02/2013 18:07

Happy Birthday mumstonic and good luck with sorting this situation out. Thanks

FlowerTruck · 19/02/2013 18:14

Happy Birthday Wine Thanks

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 19/02/2013 18:25

order in and don't bother getting him any, drink Wine until you no longer care then LTB

fluckered · 19/02/2013 18:30

maybe its my rearing or what not but i see it all the time not just on here, grown women sulking over birthdays and no presents/cards. i just honestly dont get it. birthdays and presents and parties are for kids imo.

anyways happy bday and treat yourself to something nice on his behalf.

YouTheCat · 19/02/2013 18:36

That works great for some, Fluckered, if both partners don't make a big deal of birthdays. But OP's partner expects a fuss when it's his. Also the only one sulking was the OP's dp.

What's wrong with wanting a little bit of consideration?

Hissy · 19/02/2013 18:43

Please don't tell me the DC are his? I hope not, cos what a shite example...

Take the kids OUT for dinner, so when the fucker gets home, he can sulk in a cold empty house.

Seriously, you need to give him the elbow, make THAT the birthday gift to yourself.

LindyHemming · 19/02/2013 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 19/02/2013 19:04

birthdays and presents and parties are for kids imo.

In your opinion. Not an opinion everyone, including the OP and her husband, share.

bigkidsdidit · 19/02/2013 19:05

What a wanker. Seriously, he sounds shite :(

GloryWhole · 19/02/2013 19:09

maybe its my rearing or what not but i see it all the time not just on here, grown women sulking over birthdays and no presents/cards. i just honestly dont get it. birthdays and presents and parties are for kids imo.

I don't think it's the lack of presents/card that is upsetting OP the most. It appears to be the fact that her partner is a selfish, thoughtless, moody fucker.

ThePavlovianCat · 19/02/2013 19:11

It's the childishness on top of the thoughtlessness that it making me infuriated on your behalf OP. I hope you have gone out/stayed in with a nice takeaway with your DCs and enjoyed yourself without him!

Wereonourway · 19/02/2013 19:14

Oh op what a twat he is.
My ex was the same, said Xmas and birthdays weren't important til it was his.
It seeped into other areas too, he could spend what he wanted on whatever yet I'd have to justify every single spend.
I recall one weekend where 200 quid had disappeared from ourmy bills account after a bender of his. He woke up on Monday morning and asked had I really needed to buy a new doormat. It could have waited til the following week etc. a fucking doormat ffs!
I hope this isn't the case for you but I suspect it is, reading between the lines.
Oh and happy birthday! Ditch that knob and let him be entitled and arse holish alone

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 19/02/2013 19:20

Oh dear Hmm hopefully he's running late after arranging your nice surprise [clutching straws emoticon] otherwise he is just being a prize twat.
Happy Birthday anyway lovely, go to bed with a pizza and wine and work out when you're going to throw him out Wink

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