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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to call myself "Mrs"?

147 replies

LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:03

Am in my thirties, gay, single, with two DCs. I've never been married (my children were born thanks to a sperm bank).

I used to be very keen to call myself "Ms" in my twenties, but now I think "Mrs" maybe sounds more respectable/authoritative...in reality, I don't know that many women who go by "Ms" now (and it's tricky enough to pronounce...)

I find that the GP, Health Visitor etc address me as "Mrs" anyway.

My only reservation, besides not being sure if I am legally "allowed" to call myself "Mrs" if unmarried/not in a civil partnership, is whether it might lead even more people to imagine that I must have been deserted by a partner. When I can be bothered, I often find myself having to explain already that I'm a single mum by choice.

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 16/02/2013 20:04

YABU to bow to convention. You know YABU.

TidyDancer · 16/02/2013 20:05

Well personally I think this is a bit silly tbh.

Does it really matter? I don't think it sounds more respectable or authoritative either, what makes you say this?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 16/02/2013 20:08

Are you a Victorian housekeeper? If no, YABU and strange.

specialsubject · 16/02/2013 20:09

you can call yourself what you like, but in modern usage 'Mrs' means 'someone's wife'. So people may ask about your husband or wonder if you are divorced or widowed.

none of which is a problem but will use more oxygen.

Ms works perfectly well. I am married and use it as I didn't change my name, although I was using it before marriage, stopped 'Miss' at about 22.

BambieO · 16/02/2013 20:09

I have to say I do feel more 'respectable' being a Mrs (I feel I look relatively young haha I may be deceiving myself) when with DS

BUT

It's a disgrace that society can make us feel this way, there is no shame being a mr, mrs, ms or miss etc it's all labelling and does not reflect anything of substance other than life choices or circumstance

If it makes you happy do it!

Marcheline · 16/02/2013 20:10

I am a Mrs

TheCraicDealer · 16/02/2013 20:11

Seems like this'll just cause more problems than it'll solve- you'll constantly be explaining that actually, you're gay and there is no "Mr OP". There's no law pus be breaking by addressing yourself as Mrs, you can call yourself whatever you like. But people will often make assumptions based on it.

CockyFox · 16/02/2013 20:11

I can see where you are coming from I think it is fine as long as you will be confortable explaining when people ask about your husband.

Original poster
LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:12

TheOriginal nobody, let alone the Victorians, would let me be a housekeeper - but if I was one, I would be "Miss", no?

*specialsubject" your reply is likely to persuade me to keep "Ms". Though they are lovely stories, I use a lot of oxygen already on how DCs were conceived if I am gay, etc etc without having to explain also that I'm not divorced or widowed...

OP posts:
simplesusan · 16/02/2013 20:12

I don't actually like Ms as I find it awkward to pronounce. It just doesn't flow smoothly.

Personally I think that all adult women should be Mrs regardless of marital status, just as all adult males are Mr.

Original poster
LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:14

sorry specialsubject your name went funny

TheCraicDealer yes - thinking along those lines too...more questions to answer...

OP posts:
BambieO · 16/02/2013 20:14

Not to cause controversy on a straight forward thread but does anyone know what you would technically call OP if she underwent a civil partnership? I am genuinely curious and not a troll see lots of other useless advice I have given posts

Would she not become a mrs? So people could just ask about her partner rather than husband?

CockyFox · 16/02/2013 20:15

Meant to add, I got married at 18 so have been Mrs DH surname my entire adult life. I wouldn't have ever wanted to be an adult Miss, It seems a very young title whether I would ever have adopted Ms I am unsure, I think if I had remained single I would have had a similar dilemma to you OP.

BambieO · 16/02/2013 20:15

Disclaimer! Not that you need to be in a partnership OP, it just prompted food for thought :)

apostropheuse · 16/02/2013 20:17

I used Miss when I was young, before marriage.
I used Mrs when I was married.
I now use Ms (I'm 51) as I'm not married and I think Miss is for the young - or old maids in their eighties!

I personally think Ms is like Mrs; it doesn't define you. You are you, regardless of marital status.

To my mind Mrs doesn't make you sound any more respectable or authoritative. I have no idea why you would think this.

Original poster
LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:18

BambieO I am sure I could call myself "Mrs" if I entered a civil partnership (not on the cards as I have yet to meet Mrs - or do I mean Miss - Right), but I know a number of lesbian civil partnered couples who chose "Ms" instead.

Simplesusan I think I would prefer that too, no Miss/Ms just Mrs for everyone, for simplicity

OP posts:
Melawen · 16/02/2013 20:18

I too am a single mum by choice and I am quite firmly Miss as I'm not married although I do find myself agreeing with simplesusan.

iwantanafternoonnap · 16/02/2013 20:18

I am 40 and a Miss with a DS and I hate it if anyone calls me Mrs. I correct them and tell them I am a Miss. Nothing wrong with being a Miss IMO.

apostropheuse · 16/02/2013 20:18

sorry I meant to type Ms is like Mr

oops

Marcheline · 16/02/2013 20:20

Simplesusan, I agree. It would be much better to have a universal title for women, as for men. Did they try to do it in France (I seem to remember somethig about Madame and mademoiselle - they tried to scrap one of them, but it didn't work? I could have made that up, it has been known to happen...)

Original poster
LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:21

And I think maybe I only feel more respectable/authoritative as "Mrs" is because its only people like the GP who address me in this way! I know that is a completely daft reason. Sometimes on the phone, for example, the other day when being sold car insurance, I had answered the "Mrs/Ms/Miss" question with "Ms" and the person selling the insurance went on "So Mzzz LolloRosso, is it for business/personal use only etc." and the funniness of the "Ms" word made me feel abit silly. Maybe that is just me, though, on paper it looks fine, just it is a weird word to pronounce, let's face it you don't hear as many people saying: "I was talking to Ms Smith the other day..." or whatever, it's just not that commonly used verbally.

OP posts:
Iggity · 16/02/2013 20:21

I never give myself a title when introducing myself but I suppose I tick the "mrs" box on forms. I've rarely heard anyone directly address me as "mrs" as they normally just use my full name. You can call yourself whatever you fancy unless you are doing it for fraudulent reasons (I think!).

Original poster
LolloRosso · 16/02/2013 20:22

Yay Melawen another single mum by choice Smile

OP posts:
EuroShagmore · 16/02/2013 20:23

I am straight and married. I've called myself Ms since I was about 15 and that has continued after marriage. I think YWBU to bow to an outmoded convention of giving women (only) titles according to whether or not they are married.

CockyFox · 16/02/2013 20:23

Out of interest how do all the ladies who use Ms pronouce it, should it be Miz or Muz or something else, I always say Muz but have been told it should be Miz.