...to call myself "Mrs"?

[LolloRosso]

Am in my thirties, gay, single, with two DCs. I've never been married (my children were born thanks to a sperm bank).

I used to be very keen to call myself "Ms" in my twenties, but now I think "Mrs" maybe sounds more respectable/authoritative...in reality, I don't know that many women who go by "Ms" now (and it's tricky enough to pronounce...)

I find that the GP, Health Visitor etc address me as "Mrs" anyway.

My only reservation, besides not being sure if I am legally "allowed" to call myself "Mrs" if unmarried/not in a civil partnership, is whether it might lead even more people to imagine that I must have been deserted by a partner. When I can be bothered, I often find myself having to explain already that I'm a single mum by choice.

[Dromedary]

I'm in a similar situation and call myself Ms. But it's a pain - most people behave as though they've never heard the term and I often have to spell it for them. Various people call me Mrs, while knowing that I'm not a Mrs, presumably because they think it is the respectable title for a woman with children (ie I'm immoral). Some who call me Ms do so sarcastically.
I recently wrote to a woman as Ms, because I'm used to using it. I got back a very offended letter with her going on at length at how she liked being called Mrs as it showed that she was married...

[KatieMiddleton]

Ime experience it doesn't matter what you call yourself people will still assume.

FIL and surrendered wife stepMIL sent me a birthday card to Mrs and I once got a letter from work with Mrs

Nobody bloody asks. I'm not fucking chattel FIL nor am I Mrs because I am married colleague-who-knew-me-before-marriage-and-knows-I-haven't-change-my-surname

Still FIL and stepMiL's card did have a lovely little recipe on the back

[BoringSchoolChoiceNickname]

I find my marital/relationship status does emerge in the course of conversations/ official discussions reasonably frequently in the real world, yes Linerunner .

If I get a cold call that asks for Mrs MyName or Mrs DH then I normally respond "yeah, close enough" (these are cold callers, so get a fairly frosty response) unless I have good reason to believe that they're nuisance calls in which case requests for Mrs DH are met with "no-one of that name here".

[AmandaPayne]

I changed my surname when I married for various reasons. I am a Mrs because Ms is just so daft as a word isn't it. I like the theory of the word, but the word itself is so false and made up sounding.

But I would stick with Ms if I were in your position. As the lesser of two slightly unpalatable choices. Simply because, as others have said, Mrs in our culture implies marriage, and it's one more tedious explanation you have to give.

However, if I had my way, all women would be Mrs, just as you would never address a grown male as anything other than Mr. I think that maybe that's what they do in Germany? I remember finding it odd being routinely addressed as Mrs Maidenname when I went there for business before I was married (and the colleagues knew I wasn't) but my friends said it was normal there.

[YippeeTeenager]

I think you should be Lady LolloRosso from henceforth...

[Branleuse]

Im a Ms.
i don't correct people though if they get it wrong unless they ask

[AmandaPayne]

Or get a doctorate? or is that a slightly shallow reason for such prolonged study?

[Wincher]

Forwhoever asked, I go by Ms Marriedname at work - I have changed my name, so thatsmy surname, but my marital status is irrelevant. I tend to use Mrs in a personal context simply as it is correct and I rather like it. However I have no idea of the titles or marital status of most of the friends I have made since having DS, even though they are close friends. I only know their surnames because of facebook!

[weegiemum]

I now go by mrs . but before we moved to a rather remote and rural place where everyone knew everyone, I was MRS at work (married name has rather unfortunate mammary type associations - it's German where "tit" doesn't mean breast!).

If I was getting married today (18 years later!) I'd not change my name. But the name I took with my dh is kind of cool, only about 40 people in the whole world have it, so I'm pleased with the exclusivity!

For the OP: in my first teaching job, I was getting married one term in. So I chose to be Mrs from the start. It was ok. You can call yourself whatever you want!

[dayshiftdoris]

Single with 1 child...

Been called all 3 (Miss, Ms and Mrs) and use Ms & Miss interchangeably.

Don't care what I am called but I did kick off spectacularly on the occasion that I received a letter from the same department regarding my son addressed to 'Mr & Mrs'... had raised it politely twice before and still got a third 'Mr & Mrs'...
Say kick off - I told them as they had send me 3 letters referring to the 'Mr' that I was assuming that they were going to provide said 'Mr' and could I please have a nice one with a 6 pack...

It happened again with another department and I wrote to everyone stating my marital status and who lived in the household.

I didnt need some over-enthusiastic tax credit person digging round my bathroom looking for men's shaving equipment and dirty underpants Thank You!

[herecomesthsun]

getting a doctorate does solve the problem !

[anonymosity]

Call yourself what you like. There will be nay-sayers whatever you choose, sadly.

[missingmumxox]

I hate Ms, it doesn't flow, I am still Miss, even though I am married and 2 children, for some reason my surnane changed against my will (I can't be bothered to explain but it can happen!) on all forms of identification, but the NHS, my bank and work use Miss, DH surname..no idea why, and i can't be arsed to correct them after 14 years...I like the confusion, my last job I was Mrs but at the time I didn't wear a wedding ring, took it off when pregnant and it took 6 years to fit back on, this job, Miss, but have a wedding ring.
I think you should do what you are comfortable with, I found people did double takes when I was Mrs without a ring, but as a Miss with a wedding ring, nobody seems to notice, and nobody questions, normally too polite, no I don't remember being questioned.

[aurynne]

I do have a doctorate, and man it feels good to say "Dr" to someone who keeps pestering me for my "title".

[JessieMcJessie]

I am pushing 40 and never married, no children. I am proud to use "Miss", perhaps influenced by my lovely never-married great aunt who went by "Miss Watt" her entire life and was extremely well respected.

That said, I have no objection to being addressed as Ms, although this only really comes up in correspondence with banks, authorities etc- in my professional circles it is seen as archaic to write to someone as anything other than "Dear First Name" even if you have never met them. I get more annoyed being addressed as "Mr" as I have a unisex given name and I hate the assumption that a person in my job must be a male, when it would be very easy for them to find out before writing to me.

Much has been said on this thread about the implications of using a title that reveals you are married- I must say that for many years my dogged insistence on using "Miss" was to make it crystal clear to all available males that I was NOT married! Since I have been with DP I am probably more relaxed about Ms. If we were to get married I'd like in principle to be Mrs [DP surname] but unfortunately his surname goes really badly with my given name. Mrs McJessie is my Mum, SIL and Granny, definitely not me, so I guess I'll be Ms McJessie forever by default.

Actually, does anyone out there use Mrs [DH name] when only surnames are being used (say, a child's teacher is addressing you as Mrs Smith), but never pair their given name with their DH's surname?

OP I'd say that you could go the Victorian housekeeper way if you really valued the "respect" that you perceive you get from Mrs but what you seem to be saying is essentially that you feel people respect you more when your title disguises the fact that you are a single mother by choice, which is odd as everything else you say sounds as if you are rightly open and proud of your choice.

[StuntGirl]

I think about this a lot actually. I am an unmarried miss. But I think using titles to define women's marital status publicly is kinda shitty, and I think we need to move away from it. For a while I thought it should be Miss/Master til 18 then Mrs/Mr for everyone, but now I think it should just be a straight Mrs = female title, Mr = male title from birth. Let's not faff with it.

It would take a while and there would be some people who didn't like it, some people are very attached to the concept of what those titles denote, but I think it would be a move to a fairer and more equitable society. Other countries do the same thing and they haven't imploded, so I think we'd be fine too.

[Tallgiraffe]

Another vote for doing a PhD! I use Mrs most of the time but it gives me a lot of pleasure to use Dr if someone is being patronising or annoying.

[BikeRunSki]

Do a PhD and call yourself Doctor?

[fluffyraggies]

Ms. But it's a pain - most people behave as though they've never heard the term and I often have to spell it for them.

^^ this made me smile. Yes! People say Mzzzzz, in a strained sort of way.

I've been (in order) Miss W, Mrs G, Ms G, Miss W and now it's Mrs A. (with DHs sir name) When i married a second time i dabbled with the idea of staying with my maiden name as i'm a bit sick of changing my name. DH was quite put out, hurt almost, so i changed for him.

I think all girls should be a Miss. End of.
Mrs is outdated, and Ms is just daft.

[seeker]

It always amuses me that people don't have the slighted trouble saying Mrs or Mr, but somehow Ms is really, really difficult.

I suppose it's the same as women's last names always being ugly and hard to spell, and men's last names always being euphonious and simple............

[diddl]

It is as previously said, modern convention that assume "Mrs" is married.

Perhaps we should just adopt Mrs when too old for "Miss", as it used to be?

I have my husband´s surname, but always think of myself as Mrs Diddl Husbandssurname.

My MIL always addresses my bday card to Mrs hisinitial husbandssurname-completely removing anything of me!!

[GinOnTwoWheels]

The whole Miss/Mrs/Ms thing is something that has bothered me for the whole of my adult life, for all the reasons discussed here, but mainly title used and issues/explanations etc is an indignity that only women have to put up with.


I hate having to select a title in online forms and choose a random selection of Miss/Ms. I often am addressed as Mrs Last Name as well but that's my mother, not me.

I would rather not use a title at all and am happy with firstname lastname with anyone whether I know them or not referring to me as firstname. This is the norm in Nordic countries.

If if is the case that we have to use titles, I only ask that men and women are treated equally. Either that all adult women are called Mrs or Ms, I don't care which, but the link with marital status should be removed. Like in France/Germany.

I have often thought of starting an e-petition but don't like drawing attention to myself so would worry that people would know it was me .

However, I've just looked at the epetition website and there's TWO live petitions on this issue.

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/30205

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/40269

Thank you to Deborah Zaher and Rosie Campbell for doing what i am too scared to do and sticking their heads above the parapet and doing something about this indignity that women suffer.

Lets all join in and sign the petition to get the necessary 100 000 signatures that mean that this will be debated in parliament and perhaps put into law! Come on Mumsnetters, you can do it!

There has been a few similar petitions in the past but sadly have woefully fallen short of the 100 000 signature requirements.

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/17871

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/18225

epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/17793

[blonderedhead]

My (divorced) Mum claims she did her PhD to avoid the title question.

I am a married Ms . I took DH's surname because I have no relationship with my father and no-one else in my family had that surname, so I had no connection to it and was delighted to get shot of it. It never felt like 'my' name. However that choice does not mean I have to divulge my marital status in my title. I know a lot of people on MN disagree, but I think my decision is completely rational and reasonable.

[Trills]

You can if you like, but it's a bit odd, and if you get into a conversation about "Mr Rosso" and have to explain that there isn't one, never has been one, and never will be one, people will do this face at you

Where do you live that people have not heard of "Ms"? 1955?