...to call myself "Mrs"?

[LolloRosso]

Am in my thirties, gay, single, with two DCs. I've never been married (my children were born thanks to a sperm bank).

I used to be very keen to call myself "Ms" in my twenties, but now I think "Mrs" maybe sounds more respectable/authoritative...in reality, I don't know that many women who go by "Ms" now (and it's tricky enough to pronounce...)

I find that the GP, Health Visitor etc address me as "Mrs" anyway.

My only reservation, besides not being sure if I am legally "allowed" to call myself "Mrs" if unmarried/not in a civil partnership, is whether it might lead even more people to imagine that I must have been deserted by a partner. When I can be bothered, I often find myself having to explain already that I'm a single mum by choice.

[Zavi]

I pronounce Ms as mzzzz and I just love saying it! I'm sure I can see some people trying not to roll their eyes when I say it!

Lolly, the term Mrs came about as a means of describing a woman's status in relation to a man. It means Mister's. So, strictly speaking, it should be written as Mr's but has been shortened to Mrs through the ages.

That is why I have always described myself as Ms. I thought to myself "better start as I mean to go an because there is NO way on earth, when I marry, that I am going to take on a title that describes me as a man's chattel!"

[Zavi]

Meant to say Lollo above

[TraceyTrickster]

I am married and straight, with a child.

I am Ms Maidename 90pct of the time (DH doesn't care) but occasionally Mrs MarriedName.
I am too old for Miss and Mrs feels too proprietorial...

[edam]

I don't see why women are constantly asked their marital status when men are not. Especially as it's usually irrelevant. Wish we could all just use Ms for grown ups. Or Mrs, whatever.

I'm a school governor and whenever I go into school I get introduced to the kids as Mrs Edam which is v. irritating. Esp.as I kept my own name. And they know this as dh helps out at school a lot and has a diff. surname. But it seems too much of a fuss to correct the teacher in front of the kids.

[edam]

Zavi, that's entertaining backformation but not true. It's short for Mistress as in Shakespeare's Mistress Quickly.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I'm a married Ms Ownname, I don't like Mrs at all and will correct it (it is invariably said with DH's surname). I can't remember the last time anyone addressed me as Miss .

I think you should stick with Ms, but that's probably because I wish Mrs would disappear altogether. It is likely to cause confusion if you use Mrs in your circumstances though.

[perplexedpirate]

I've been Ms since I was 18, single and married.
It has never caused a moment's trouble.
YABU.

[IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord]

I don't like Ms.

I am not divorced!

I am a single unmarried mother. my title has never changed because of this so I will me a Miss until I marry. No matter what age I am.

[LolloRosso]

Thanks everyone for all your replies, much food for thought. So far I have two post-graduate degrees but both beneath the level of a PhD so maybe I should just go for a doctorate (financially impossible though...)

I will definitely look at the epetitions and sign relevant ones, thanks Gin.

Just for the last time, I am openly proud of my single status, my life choices etc and prepared to admit that my own associations with "Mrs" were little more than personal prejudice. Though it seems odd, I do agree with all who have said that "Ms" is clumsy to pronounce though. Will ponder on...

[Trills]

Calling yourself Mrs is accepting that "Mrs" is a higher-status title, and just going with it, regardless of the implications (that a woman's aim is life is to bag a man).

Calling yourself "Ms" is rejecting this, and saying that a woman's marital status is really nobody's business, but it means that you have to put up with people who think this is weird.

This dilemma: accept the unfair status quo and make the best of it vs challenge the unfair status quo and get flak for it is familiar in many areas of life. Neither choice is inherently unreasonable.

I disagree that Ms is clumsy to pronounce. It's no more difficult than Miss-iss. We're just less familiar with it.

[thegreylady]

To me Ms is neither one thing nor another. It smacks of being embarrassed about who you are. If you are single you are Miss and if you are married you are Mrs and if you don't want anyone to know then you just give your name. Ms is rarely used by those who are completely comfortable with their status.

[Feminine]

Totally agree with you greylady

I was coming to write the very same thing.

[motherinferior]

Eh??????

I am perfectly comfortable with my 'status' - I could very easily get married (my daughters' father keeps suggesting) it, but even if I did, I would remain Ms (and keep my surname). Please don't project your ideas about comfort and convention onto others.

[motherinferior]

I am neither married nor single anyway.

[ZenNudist]

OP I think you should use Mrs if you like it. People will be making judgements or assumptions but that's just a side effect of the crazy system where women declare age & marital status in their title and men don't. Use what you like and sod 'em. Its annoying that if you tell them it's none of their business if they enquire about your dh then you will be seen as ashamed when you're not. An "I just prefer Mrs", would suffice.

I chortle to see letters addressed to master ds. I think name surname more appropriate.

I used Ms maiden name from 21ish up to marriage when despite my protestations I adopted mrs dh's name as he wanted a "mrs me"! I now love my name and wouldn't change it back to my dads name (that's what it is).

I support people to call themselves what they like. Im a bit at people who can use dr to get away from the miss/ms/mrs debacle. My dsis made me laugh when she got married and was asked her married name "doctor maiden name" was her curt reply. She is a medical doctor. I dont know if shes gone back to ms now shes a consultant. My friend and her dh are dr & dr his name although she is phd and he is medical doctor. I think it's a bit for her to use dr as she isn't a medical doctor but hey ho. [waffles on emoticon]

[Zavi]

Have to disagree greylady

For me the use of Ms is the signal that you are so comfortable and confident about who and what you are that you don't feel the need to let other people know what you are.

You are confident enough to be able to leave other people completely in the dark about your marital status.

Must admit that I do think that single women should drop the Miss title at 18 and become Ms. Ridiculous being called Miss, i think, in your 30s 40s if youre unmarried.

[ivykaty44]

I call myself whatever I fancy - sometimes Mrs, sometimes Miss and at others Ms. i thought that was the great thing about being female there are so many more choices - men only really get boring ole Mr and have to stick with it, but then that is not my problem.

[Callycat]

Hasn't Ms been used for ages in the American Deep south, for all women? Or have I made that up? They say it as "Mizz". I actually like Ma'am - I use that to address women if I don't know their name (if they're older than me and I want to sound respectful).

Another vote for the PhD - I'm Dr Callycat and it's fun watching the incredulous looks on (usually) older men's faces when I give my title

[Cornflowerdreams]

If you look at the history and meaning of Mrs, you'll probably think twice before using it, especially being gay.

Mrs usually has the history and social connotation that you are a man's property by law.

Why would any woman/man want to send that message to society in this day and age? By changing small token of patriarchalism like that, we're beginning to change the broader society.

Drop the "Mrs" and go for "Ms", no matter how hard to pronounce it is!

[MadonnaKebab]

I make a point of avoiding using any prefix and find firstname-surname works 90% of the time
If forced to I will click on Dr, but only if the form will not allow a blank
If I didn't have that option I would probably mix it up a bit, go for Dame one time , Prof the next, maybe Rev or Major
Endless fun!

[SomethingOnce]

Even if I were to marry DP and change my surname, I'd keep Ms. On the grounds that I am glad there is an option not to be identified as either a a child/unmarried adult woman or a married woman.

I don't have a problem with marriage and would consider the name change for a number of reasons, but I do have a problem with my title changing to indicate my status to others when men get to be Mr throughout their adult lives.

What title do little boys have these days, by the way? Is the gloriously anachronistic 'Master'?

[HeathRobinson]

I'm old enough to remember the change, when they stopped using Master for boys and used Mister (Mr) instead. I thought it was really unfair.

[cheesesarnie]

i recently split up from dh. still married but not together (thank fuck). so technically im still mrs married name. on facebook im first name married name was maiden name. id like to keep the same name as dc but not sure if i was to be his name or mrs forever. hmmm

sorry op- your thread has made me wonder out loud!

[Bue]

Trying to work out when I became uncomfortable with my status! I am comfortably married but I am not Mrs since I don't use DH's surname. I am not Miss since I am married. That leaves Ms!

On consultants' names, I was in an operating theatre the other week with a Miss . Baffled why a successful, driven, 30 something woman chooses to use that title, I thought it sounded silly and trivial in the context. At least one of the other female consultant surgeons there uses Ms.

[perplexedpirate]

Uncomfortable with my status?! So I was uncomfortable single, and now I'm uncomfortable married? WTF?
I must try divorced and civil partnered, maybe that will make me 'comfortable' enough to stop using Ms.

Never heard such poppycock.