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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this couple

228 replies

Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:42

Hope I don't out myself here, going to have to be vague!

I know (I won't say friends as that's over egging it a bit) a couple who have a young, school age, family. Neither parent works, fine, job market is utterly shit at the moment so totally understandable. Both are complaining they are broke and will be more so when the benefit reforms come in and how unfair it is on them. So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems and his workload, he offers the dad a job, reasonable pay, not great, but a foot on the ladder, and helps both parties out. So we were a bit shocked when the dad turns it down saying he's needed at home 'in case of an emergency'. My jaw hit the floor.

Neither parent has a disability nor do the children.

Thankfully my brother had a friend in a similar situation who snapped the job up so dp's stress levels are alleviated a bit, but still. Not the point.

AIBU to be annoyed with them over this?

OP posts:
WhatsTheBuzz · 07/02/2013 13:48

it's terrible, like people thinking they're too good for certain jobs!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 07/02/2013 13:49

I'm not really sure why you are annoyed since it has all worked out, if they are that broke they will have had a very good reason to turn it down, they may not have wanted to tell you about it.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 13:50

You don't really know these people by your own admission. How on earth do you know that there isn't some perfectly valid reason for the father to turn the job down that they just don't want to discuss with someone who they hardly know and whose business it isn't?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2013 13:50

It's hard to say for sure without knowing full facts.

What is the job?? Maybe he doesn't particularly like your DH and doesn't want to work for him and just used the being needed at home as an excuse?

Could be a million reasons but of course, he could just be a lazy sod.

Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:51

Is the whining from them that they're always broke and how they can't afford x y and z and how life is unfair on them, that they're bored, cant afford to Go anywhere or do anything....

They're on the very edges of our social circle so it's no hardship to just drop contact with them (which I will)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:53

earlier very true you're right there could be any number of reasons why he turned it down. It's just hard to hear when it's accompanied by the aforementioned whining.

I will freely admit I'm being unreasonable here just a bit confused by them that's all!

OP posts:
deleted203 · 07/02/2013 13:53

Some people are just idle sods who don't want to work, unfortunately. Unless he has a very good reason there doesn't seem to be any necessity for two healthy adults whose kids are at school to sit around at home all day if one of them has been offered work.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 13:54

Pondering - would you want to discuss personal private details about your life with a virtual stranger whom you really don't know all that well?

How do you know the father doesn't suffer from anxiety or the mother isn't about to start treatment for something or they are looking after a child who has a difficulty?

Maybe the father doesn't like your DH and doesn't think he could work for him?

Whatever. They turned you down. Get over it. Just because they are unemployed doesn't mean they have to take the job you offered.

Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:56

Fair point earlier

Smile you sound like you're in need of a Brew in all fairness!

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2013 13:56

Just because they are unemployed doesn't mean they have to take the job you offered

Very true!! Maybe you are making them feel like a charity case!

Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:59

I would like to think not betty dp has been after someone for a while and approached them in a fairly neutral manner saying he needed someone fairly quickly and knew they were 'looking' for work.

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 14:00

Pondering - I find that passive aggressive and patronising. If you're like that with the couple, no wonder they won't take your job.

pictish · 07/02/2013 14:00

Well didn't you have their lives all sewn up neatly?

Except they didn't want to do what you thought they should.

People are like that...being awkward and making up their own minds.

Oh well.

NatashaBee · 07/02/2013 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 14:02

That post was PA tbh because I found your tone very aggressive and unwarranted.

pictish I know, how very dare they right?! Shocking behaviour. Shouldn't be allowed.

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 14:03

I am sorry if you found my tone aggressive and unwarranted?? I was merely pointing out reasons why they might not want to take your job. Do you really mean to sound so rude?

Original poster
Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 14:05

Not really. Maybe I'm reading your posts wrongly but in my mind I've got you sitting there red faced and huffing and puffing with outrage at my posts Blush sorry if that's not the case it's the language you're using...

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 14:07

I explained why I thought they might not want to take your job and why the father might give a casual social acquaintance a "brush off" explanation. Really, it's no big deal. You offered, they said no. Confused I don't see the problem

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 07/02/2013 14:09

Aggressive and unwarranted?

You asked a question and earlier gave you some answers you may not have thought of, why post for opinions if all you want is to be told what a wonderful saintly person you are for helping out your poor and needy aquaintences?

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 14:10

Oh and I most definitely am not sitting "huffing and puffing with outrage" - you are projecting an awful lot there.

Just because they are on benefits and are moaning that they are broke does not mean they don't have free will to decide what to do, and what not to do.

If your DH offered me a job and I didn't really know him and my life was none of his business, I probably would tell him a social fib. And for you to expect more is unfair and unjustified.

Charliefarlie1192 · 07/02/2013 14:15

Maybe he didn't want to work for your and your judgemental husband?

LtEveDallas · 07/02/2013 14:16

FWIW I found earlier's post rather snippy and rude, so can understand why the OP was PA back.

It is hard to judge tone on a message board. So it's a bit pointless being up in arms about a suggested slight.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2013 14:18

Pondering - I think that what your husband did was a good thing, and I too would have been surprised that someone who was unhappy at being short of money didn't take an opportunity that was offered to them to get a foot in the door of a career.

Tbh, I find it rather shocking that the OP's dh is being vilified on here for a kind offer, and that people are snarking at the OP, as MissyMoo did in her 14.09 post.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 07/02/2013 14:19

It's nothing to do with anyone but them.

Maybe he has a MH issue and can't work but is too proud to say? Could be any number of reasons. Could just be that the job wasn't for him?

Your DP made him an offer. An offer by it's very nature isn't a thing that someone is obliged to take you upon.

DeepRedBetty · 07/02/2013 14:25

You've said you're annoyed with 'this couple' but it's the husband who was offered the job and turned it down, with a reason that to me doesn't add up. Yes, maybe they've got other reasons that they don't want to talk about to turn work down.

But if that's the genuine reason he turned the job down yanbu to be not sympathetic when you next hear him moaning, and assuming he talked it over with his wife, yanbu to feel the same if she starts up.