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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this couple

228 replies

Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 13:42

Hope I don't out myself here, going to have to be vague!

I know (I won't say friends as that's over egging it a bit) a couple who have a young, school age, family. Neither parent works, fine, job market is utterly shit at the moment so totally understandable. Both are complaining they are broke and will be more so when the benefit reforms come in and how unfair it is on them. So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems and his workload, he offers the dad a job, reasonable pay, not great, but a foot on the ladder, and helps both parties out. So we were a bit shocked when the dad turns it down saying he's needed at home 'in case of an emergency'. My jaw hit the floor.

Neither parent has a disability nor do the children.

Thankfully my brother had a friend in a similar situation who snapped the job up so dp's stress levels are alleviated a bit, but still. Not the point.

AIBU to be annoyed with them over this?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2013 16:34

That sentence just looks all wrong. Confused

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 16:35

I just don't get how someone offers you something, you don't want it and say so, and the offeree gets "annoyed" if your reason doesn't, what, meet their spec? Reach a standard?

Anything could be going on in that couple's life, anything. He might be a lazy tosser, so might she, but they could also be handling all kinds of a horrible situation. The OP doesn't know. We don't know.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 16:35

I'd say it was normal human behaviour, earlier. You know - communicating.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 16:40

So you have a duty, because you're on benefits, if someone you hardly know offers you a job, to tell them all about your personal life?

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 16:46

Not in the slightest. But if you've been moaning about being skint, and someone you've moaned to offers you a job, and you don't want to take it for whatever reason, it's good manners to offer them a credible (true or untrue, doesn't really matter) reason for declining.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 16:47

I don't think anyone is under any obligation of good manners or otherwise to say anything or offer any reason, beyond "no thank you"

ClartyCarol · 07/02/2013 16:50

Am with SDTG, pinkdelight et al. Emergencies my arse.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 16:54

I don't disagree, earlier. But this man did offer a reason, and not a credible one.

But you're still missing what to me is the point - if you moan about something, don't be surprised if people you moan to expect you to do something about it. You don't want these expectations, don't moan to all and sundry (OP has said they're not friends, so the moans must have been pretty persistent).

And if you lie so obviously to someone, expect them to be annoyed.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 16:56

Yes whereyouleftit, but if someone had offered me a job as I posted up thread, and I wasn't expecting the offer and was caught off guard, I'd have come out with what sounded like a crap excuse that would have sounded like (and been) a lie.

so I can put myself in the husband's position, and I wonder how many of MY social circle I "annoyed" when I was trying to cope as best as I could with all the shit that was in my life and didn't give reasons that met their standard?

countrykitten · 07/02/2013 17:00

But this is not about you is it?

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 17:02

I didn't say it was? I said "I can put myself in the husband's position"

Booyhoo · 07/02/2013 17:03

SDTG you are missing my meaning. what i mean is that this man clearly thinks there will be a need for him to be at home in an emergency if he has refused work on this basis. in other words, there must be a reason he believes an emergency is likely ( health problem that they haven't told anyone about?)

i would be very surprised if he is meaning a 'normal' sort of emergency like a house fire or mum falling down the stairs.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2013 17:06

Yawn. Another benefits-bashing thread.

BegoniaBampot · 07/02/2013 17:08

'Emergency' excuse sounds lame, I probably would have burst out laughing. OP, he probably did you favour turning the job down, sounds like he would have been hard work.

Booyhoo · 07/02/2013 17:16

or they could be under the impression that you are aware of any medical issue they may have and that "emergency" would have been understood by you without needing any further explanation.

basically OP you dont them well enough to know why they turned your dp down and i think it's silly to get annoyed by it.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/02/2013 17:18

Yy Expat.
By stealth.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 17:20

"Yes whereyouleftit, but if someone had offered me a job as I posted up thread, and I wasn't expecting the offer and was caught off guard, I'd have come out with what sounded like a crap excuse that would have sounded like (and been) a lie."
And how would you feel if you were the person being offered what sounded like (and was) a lie? That's what I'm trying to get across here. It is usual to feel annoyed with someone who is patently lying to you. It hurts your feelings. You can tell you're being lied to, and it is insulting that you don't even merit a good-quality lie, because that's how thick they think you are. It's not about the job. It's about the lie.

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 17:25

LadyBeagleEyes and Expat - I agree.

Booyhoo · 07/02/2013 17:31

" It is usual to feel annoyed with someone who is patently lying to you. It hurts your feelings. You can tell you're being lied to, and it is insulting that you don't even merit a good-quality lie, because that's how thick they think you are. It's not about the job. It's about the lie. "

oh please!

these are people the OP and her DH hardly know, they aren't close friends that you would expect the truth from. it is perfectly acceptable to lie to almost strangers in order to avoid spilling out personal information. they dont owe OP's dp the truth, just an answer. if he has his feelings hurt by them panicking and thinking up a quick cover story he needs to ask himself why. they are almost strangers to him. it isn't normal to feel hurt by by what the OP has described.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 17:37

No personal information needed to be spilled!

So tell me, earlier and Booyhoo, how do you feel about being lied to? Or should I not expect an honest answer because I am a stranger and you might spill personal details answering?

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 17:38

I would never ever ever spill my personal private physical and mental health details to a virtual stranger who had no need to know and if that makes me a liar then so be it.

Booyhoo · 07/02/2013 17:41

"So tell me, earlier and Booyhoo, how do you feel about being lied to? "

from someone who was on the edge of my social circle? it's happened loads and i dont give a shite. they owe me nothing. and yes it is clear there is more to the story and that they'd rather not share with me so i accept it and know that i'd probably do the same in their shoes and i have done. it's really not a hanging offence.

are you telling me you have never lied to someone to avoid going into something you would rather not?

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 17:42

That's not what I asked you earlier and you know it. How do you feel about being lied to? How do you feel about the person lying to you?

earlierintheweek · 07/02/2013 17:43

Everytime someone asks me "how are you" and I say "fine how are you" instead of "absolutely crap I'm dosed with the cold my feet are hurting my ear is sore and my eczema is terrible" I'm telling a lie by the standards on here.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2013 17:44

Booyhoo I generally deflect.

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