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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to a close friends wedding?

136 replies

JadoreDior · 03/02/2013 22:20

We have been friends since school and still see each other 2-4 times a month. Anyway she is getting married this year, it is an extremely small wedding. The only people invited to the ceremony are immediate family only and then they have invited close friends and their partners to have a meal afterwards.

She has sent me a text today to let me know the date, and they have decided to do it on a Friday, which means I will have to use my holiday time off work which is really precious to me as we are booking a summer holiday and also over Christmas we are going away and spending it with family.

There also wouldn't be any point of me going after work because the meal is at 3 and then people are just having drinks etc - there won't be a disco or anything kind of entertainment so I'm assuming people won't be staying that long after the meal is over.

Also I'm not invited to the ceremony (which is fine I understand why I'm not) but it would mean me losing a days holiday to just go to a meal.

aibu to not want to go?

OP posts:
KobayashiMaru · 03/02/2013 22:21

one days holiday? not that close a friend then, evidently. Take a half day.

MortifiedAdams · 03/02/2013 22:23

YABU if she is a close friend.

AKissIsNotAContract · 03/02/2013 22:24

YABU. You're clearly not a close friend if you won't take half a day off work for her.

thistlelicker · 03/02/2013 22:25

Clearly as her friend you can't respect her choice and r only thinking of yourself! Great friend you are!!

RubyrooUK · 03/02/2013 22:26

I'd go. I think if only immediate family are going to the ceremony, this is a very small wedding indeed. And she is including her closest friends in a celebration meal afterwards. So she does want you to be part of a special day.

I think that is worth one day off work. It doesn't sound like it is intended as a snub in any way (just the wedding she feels comfortable with) and if you really are close friends, I imagine she'd be hurt if you didn't go because it wasn't even worth a day's holiday.

Hassled · 03/02/2013 22:27

I really think you can take half a day's leave for a close friend's wedding meal.

Have you thought through how you'd feel if you were her? Have you thought through the fall-out of you not going?

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/02/2013 22:29

You don't sound like a friend.

mirry2 · 03/02/2013 22:31

OP I've been in your situation for a close relative. I didn't go as I didn't have any leave left and couldn't take unpaid leave. Nobody seemed to mind.

pictish · 03/02/2013 22:32

I'd take it off.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 03/02/2013 22:33

Very unreasonable of you. It doesn't sound as though you value her very highly.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2013 22:34

I would take a half day of annual leave

How much leave do you get in a year ? 2 days ??

Dinosaurhunter · 03/02/2013 22:35

You can't be that close !

Salmotrutta · 03/02/2013 22:35

Clearly she considers you a close friend.

I wonder why? Hmm

defineme · 03/02/2013 22:36

assume you have to travel if you have to take the whole day off for a 3 pm meal?

I think, if you're a decent friend, you have to go.

Weddings (like funerals and christenings) to me are one of those traditions that give us the chance to celebrate with loved ones/ bind people together and particularly as this is a small one it's an honour to be asked.

I might be biased because I've been watching old videos today-it's lovely how certain friends have been with me to celebrate every step of the way...

mamalovesmojitos · 03/02/2013 22:36

YABU

StinkyWicket · 03/02/2013 22:38

I think it's a bit weird really that you won't take a half day off for a very close friend? If you can't as there is no leave available for that day, then fine, but you are stating that you won't rather than can't.

Bit mean I think. She must value you highly if you are invited to this very small wedding.

ProPerformer · 03/02/2013 22:41

Meh! I'm going to sound like a major bitch here but YANBU!!
Heck I'm missing my close friend's wedding for a theatre festival - its one I go to and perform at every year and that she knows I do and often performs there herself - she's gone and booked her wedding right in the middle of it which (because of rehearsal constraints and travel costs etc) will mean DH and I wouldn't be able to perform there if I went to the wedding and my DS would miss his favourite show as it's the only day it's on during the festival.

If she wanted me there that badly she would of booked another date instead of the one Saturday she knows I always have a commitment!

Sorry to take over your thread OP, but I'm just saying that if your friend is a good friend she will understand how precious holiday time is and that you wouldn't want to use it up just to go for a meal.

ProPerformer · 03/02/2013 22:45

(as an amendment to my 'rant' - I suffer from crippling depression and this theatre festival is the highlight of my year and doing the shows there is about the only time I ever socialise so missing it would be a really big deal for me. Missing one day is not an option because of distance.)

KC225 · 03/02/2013 22:49

Wow pro-performer - you have friends.

Go to the wedding. There will be plenty of other holidays - one day in he great scheme of things, come on

SilverClementine · 03/02/2013 22:52

If you were my bf, id be gutted at your reaction. YABveryU.

PickledInAPearTree · 03/02/2013 22:57

Ouch YABU!

You only need a half day.

If you were my friend and you would book a half day for my wedding I would be gutted.

sooperdooper · 03/02/2013 22:58

YABU you only need to take a half day, I'd be really hurt if a close friend didn't think my wedding was worth a half days holiday

ProPerformer · 03/02/2013 22:59

Unfortunately I also have to take DH and DD in to account! If I went to the wedding for just the day I'd have to pay over £100 for travel and overnight stay on top of festival fees ( because of distance) which I can't afford as well as going so realistically it's festival or wedding.

There is no significance of the date for this friend or her partner and she knows it's the bit of the festival where we perform is the same time every year as she often does it herself - we are not the only people considering not going because of this! (Plus it's the only time I do get to see most of my friends in person and it's DS's first year he can perform which he's been looking forward to!) Believe me if there was any way to do both I'd be there but DH can't / won't do an 8 hour round trip in a day and we just can't afford extra overnight lodgings and/or for me to go alone by train.

ProPerformer · 03/02/2013 22:59

Ds not DD! Doh

MortifiedAdams · 03/02/2013 23:01

Pro, the festival happens every year
Your friends wedding will more than likely be a once in a lifetime event.

Therefore irrespective of anything you have said YABU. NOt that you asked.

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