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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP to help them decorate ?

123 replies

Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:22

We recently moved into a big house with 2 kids and a 6 week old baby. I suffered pnd because of the move . It was so stressful we has no help and did it all on our own . We have just after 5 months finished decorating and start enjoying the house. Now DP's ne

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:25

Sorry posted to quick ! DP's nephew is asking for tips on decorating their new flat. DP wants to go help Saturday, it's a 2 hour train journey there as back and I know he will be gone all day and probably every weekend . Y should he help them when we got no help. Plus y do I have to struggle alone with the kids all weekend. I'm so lonely as it is being on maternity leave. We just had a massive argent about it now:( he won't listen to me he says he can do what he wants bla bla. But I hair want to enjoy not decorating and stress anymore :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:27

Plus whenever his family ring he goes running! He expected me to scrape wallpaper off with a 2 month old y he was at work but he wouldn't see his family members struggle to do anything! He will just go help on his own accord ! I'm seriously trying not to blow my top! Am I being stupid and should I just ignore and let him get on with it?

OP posts:
NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:36

YABU and selfish

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:38

Ok thanks I will bottle it up. Just get so darn lonely :(

OP posts:
TeaBrick · 09/01/2013 21:39

YANBU, if it's just one day, then let him do it, but if he's going to be away every weekend, I don't blame you for being pissed off. He should be spending time with his family. His nephew is being selfish expecting him to help, especially with a 2 hour journey.

BelleoftheFall · 09/01/2013 21:41

YANBU imo. I wouldn't be happy with this in your situation, especially so soon after birth and struggling with PND. If it's likely that he'll be going off every weekend and leaving you to do everything with the children then that is immensely selfish. He needs to realise that him "doing what he wants" leaves you doing everything in terms of childcare. Not on.

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2013 21:41

You shouldn't have to struggle alone with the children.

It's time to discuss his role as a parent. Pledging his time to anyone, even family members is unacceptable, given the age of your children.

Virgil · 09/01/2013 21:41

YANBU it sounds like you need support and I can see why you'd be annoyed.

deleted203 · 09/01/2013 21:41

YANBU. Or selfish. Nephew only asked for tips, so he could have given them over the phone. I'd be peed off at being left alone with the kids whilst he was helping someone else out. Still....at least he's finished your decorating.

My DH drives me mad as I have a list of jobs as long as my arm I really NEED him to do (ie...no shower for 18 months as it's leaking. It would take him about half an hour to sort). I get told, 'Aye, I'll do them at the weekend - then someone else (often MY mother) will ask him to do something and he's straight over to theirs to do the job. He'll do anything for anyone else - except me! (Although I love him really, and I know he's short of time. He just finds it impossible to say to no to other people).

tunnocksteacake · 09/01/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleoftheFall · 09/01/2013 21:42

What does he think about the fact that you'll have to do everything with two children while he is off decorating? Does he think it's easy? Is he at all aware of how hard it is?

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:42

He will not see that tho as yes he is selfish :(

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 09/01/2013 21:42

YANBU and you are certainly not being selfish!!

Three children and he expects to be able to swan off and leave you to it. It would be a different story if the help was returned but it is not.

Sirzy · 09/01/2013 21:42

He isn't being unreasonable for wanting to help a family member out. However, he should listen to how you are feeling and you need to come to a compromise together.

Endofmyfeather · 09/01/2013 21:42

I don't think YAB that U to be honest. With families you always have to assess whose need is greatest in these situations and having been on your own with the kids all week and suffering PND I think you could really do with having DH there at the weekend for some support. Can you try to calmly tell him how you feel/what it's like for you when he's not home?

Chunkymumma · 09/01/2013 21:42

No YANBU! I understand that loneliness on maternity leave, I felt very isolated too. I looked forward to weekends for the company and help with baby stuff.
If its just 1 day maybe fair enough if you've got some plans, or a visit from a friend arranged, but more often than that is taking the piss x

hermioneweasley · 09/01/2013 21:42

If it was a one off I'd support him, but it's not realistic to do it regularly.

It sounds like there are bigger issues with his family than this one incident/request?

TeaBrick · 09/01/2013 21:43

Maybe you should offer to help and piss off for the weekend leaving him with the kids. I wonder how he'd feel about that?

itsmineitsmine · 09/01/2013 21:44

Yanbu.

Tell hi m he can have the kids and you will go and help with the decorsting!

Goldmandra · 09/01/2013 21:45

YANBU.

Tell him he needs to take the two older children with him. Then you can at least go and visit your own family/friends with less stress.

If he doesn't like that idea ask him to suggest a compromise. They are his children too so he can't just assume you will look after them every weekend while he runs around after others.

Anomaly · 09/01/2013 21:46

YANBU I would be fuming. It's nice how he gets to just decide what he'll do at the weekend without worrying about the kids isn't it?

itsmineitsmine · 09/01/2013 21:46

Nolittle your post was really rude. The op is suffering with depression as it is, why the need to be so abrupt?

(Because she asked, because this is aibu snipe snipe snipe)

itsmineitsmine · 09/01/2013 21:47

They are his children too so he can't just assume you will look after them every weekend while he runs around after others.

^this^

BelleoftheFall · 09/01/2013 21:49

I agree itsmine. I find the idea that someone who's recently had a baby and has two other children is selfish because they don't want the father buggering off at the weekend and leaving her to do it all hilarious. The OP must be worn to the bloody bone fgs.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 09/01/2013 21:50

Go out and do something or invite friends round then. Or speak on the phone, don't make OH a prisoner of your issues too. I have had severe depression and am on AD's now, before you say I don't what I'm talking about. If you get others to capitulate to your problems. it will be too easy and you'll never want/need to recover