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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DP to help them decorate ?

123 replies

Lonelybunny · 09/01/2013 21:22

We recently moved into a big house with 2 kids and a 6 week old baby. I suffered pnd because of the move . It was so stressful we has no help and did it all on our own . We have just after 5 months finished decorating and start enjoying the house. Now DP's ne

OP posts:
diddl · 10/01/2013 09:35

Well I had the feeling that she wasn´t "invited", but I may be wrong.

And that he is determined to go whatever OP thinks/feels.

I can see why OP is annoyed though when he has turned being asked for tips into a day away.

pictish · 10/01/2013 09:36

I'm not seeing the crime tbh.

I don't invite my dh or kids along on my occasional days out either.

diddl · 10/01/2013 09:36

Because he hasn´t bothered to ask if it´s OK?

pictish · 10/01/2013 09:37

And if dh made a fuss about being left at home alone with the kids for the duration, I would wonder what was wrong with him.

Everyone deserves a day off from it all.

The OP just needs to make sure she gets one too, that's all.

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 09:37

Well I ask him for cash but he doesn't always have cash on him , no we don't have joint but we pay half rent each and he pays most utility's I jus have a couple and I pay for and run my car as its mine , but I don't like to pester and he will say there is food in the freezer but it's more about getting out which is what I need I can't stand sitting here all day in the week let alone Saturday and Sunday aswell it's driving me insane

OP posts:
pictish · 10/01/2013 09:38

He probably didn't think it would be a problem.
I never do.

Wishfulmakeupping · 10/01/2013 09:38

IMO yanbu, im in a similar position- my OH can't say no to people asking for favours drives me mad cause our house never comes first

pictish · 10/01/2013 09:39

So go out OP - no one is stopping you.

ihearsounds · 10/01/2013 09:43

Yanbu. His family weren't there to help when you moved. Anyone with an ounce of common sense and decency would help family move especially with a new born. They are the selfish ones and it's about time you and your dp sat and had a conversation about were his priorities should lie, which is with you and not his extended family.

If he really is adamant that this is what he is going to do, go with him. Why should you all be stuck at home all day, when if you go you can get help from the extended family that aren't doing the decorating.

Cluffyfunt · 10/01/2013 09:43

He should be more supportive.

You are doing the right thing trying to get out of the house.

Have you explained why you are unhappy about being left on the weekend?

valiumredhead · 10/01/2013 09:44

I imagine the lack of available funds is stopping her somewhat.

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 09:44

Thanks pictish I will see if he will mind them on Sunday and get out as long as he doesn't go back on the Sunday to help again as wouldn't put it past him

OP posts:
Cluffyfunt · 10/01/2013 09:45

Pictish,

Sometimes it's just not that easy when you have pnd.

valiumredhead · 10/01/2013 09:46

It certainly isn't, is it cluffy?

diddl · 10/01/2013 09:48

It´s not always about getting out alone though.

Sometimes I just wanted to have time with my husband at the weekend & if you´ve been looking forward to that & then they say that they´re out for a day it can be disappointing.

pictish · 10/01/2013 09:50

I'm sorry - I know you all disagree with me, and I can see why - but overall I think that this is a storm in a teacup.

I am a sahm to three, and I can't drive. I am also perpetually skint. However, I don't rely on my dh to entertain me, and never have. If, on the odd occasion, he wants to bugger off on his own (like when he goes mountaineering with his friends) I think nothing of it at all.

He works in IT and every now and then he will sod off for hours under the guise of fixing his mate's computer. I don't care. He can do what he likes. As can I.

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 09:50

Exactly diddl we were going to look at beds for my daughter and I was just looking forward to gettin out of here then after one phone all it's "oh what you doing Saturday? Brill I come and have a look " andu heart just sank and then I snapped :(

OP posts:
pictish · 10/01/2013 09:51

Yes...I had PND after having our eldest, so I know something of it.

Cluffyfunt · 10/01/2013 09:51

No Valium Sad

I remember the days when I got myself and dc ready to go out and I just couldn't manage to leave the house becaus even the smallest tast seemed insurmountable in my fuddled brain.

olgaga · 10/01/2013 09:56

When my DD was little I would have gone completely stark raving mad if DH hadn't done his fair share of amusing her at the weekend.

OP, YADNBU. His nephew was "asking for tips" - your DH offered to help without a thought as to how you would have to manage on your own with the children.

Stuff that!

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 10:01

I'm glad your in the same situation as me Pictish maternity leave is so financially hard , he does pay for us to do stuff sometimes like cinema swimming but we can't afford it all the time . Just need to make some friends that have a baby the same age but ATM I'm just not in the mood as far as I get is a walk alone with my baby :( but does annoy me that he is willing to give up so much of his time decorating for someone else paying all his train feed etc but that's another story so strange that you can love someone so much and then a stupid thing like this can really make you question it and I don't want to blow if this is something silly and it's my pnd talking rather then me seeing sense ifswim

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 10:03

Train fares rather Blush

OP posts:
pictish · 10/01/2013 10:09

I do swym OP.

There are a core group of ladies on this site that genuinely believe that once a man becomes a husband and father, he has no right to make his own decisions. He ceases to be a person in his own right, with his own agenda. Nothing less than total sub,ission to the family is acceptable.

I am not one of those women. I think it's an unhealthy, controlling pov.

You have already said he's fab. He rarely goes out, doesn't drink, and has decorated your entire house already.

He is going because he wants a break, not because they need him. If you let him have this, then given he is such a peach in general, he will do the same for you I'm sure.

Original poster
Lonelybunny · 10/01/2013 10:15

Yes of course I will let him go I cannot keep him here but it would just be nice if he had checked with first or said he can leave some money so maybe I can take the kids out and see some life. I just hope it won't be a occurring weekend thing but of it is I'm sure he will get fed up with it eventually [sceptical] thank you all in here for your opinions and advise so nice to talk to someone. Actually realised today just how lonely I am I really must kick my arse and get to some groups, just waiting till madam can sit unaided as I hate laying her on those grubby playmats that other lo's have dribbled al over :-/

OP posts:
fosterdream · 10/01/2013 10:18

YANBU I wouldn't be happy about that to because they don't see or talk often. They didn't help with you're house, I'm sure if they had more contact and visits you'd have been fine with it.

If I was you I'd go with him (I wouldn't ask just say you're all going) and let them see the DC because they are part of their family (mischievous grin)