Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
OpheliasWeepingWillow · 27/12/2012 14:08

Well I don't drive and I say poo to you Grin

HerBigChance · 27/12/2012 14:08

That depends on what the public transport is like where they live; some of us don't need to drive or to rely on others for lifts.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 14:08

Maybe he wants to save the environment.

Has he considered a pony and trap?

OTTMummA · 27/12/2012 14:08

You don't have to give them lifts everywhere, do you?
So YABU.

onyx72 · 27/12/2012 14:09

Book a cab?

FunnysFuckingFreezing · 27/12/2012 14:09

I can't imagine not being able to drive and would think it a fairly essential life skill tbh. I am always a bit Hmm about people who can't and wonder why they never learnt. Both BIL's only learned to drive later in life and I did wonder what was wrong with them. So YANBU

KatyPeril · 27/12/2012 14:09

I don't drive and never mooch off other people. So there. blows raspberry Grin

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 14:10

Most people I know who don't drive do it for financial reasons or because they live in central London where driving is really not needed. So, YABU.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 14:10

Oh get a grip.

Not everyone wants to drive, can afford to drive or has any desire to drive.

Just because your sibling is self entitled and clearly doesn't want to pay for a taxi, how does that make 'normal' adults who don't drive a nuisance?

This is about you and your sibling, no-one else.

BloominMisteltoeMarvellousWine · 27/12/2012 14:10

It's horrible being the non driver!!!

It was so nice when I passed my test and I didn't have to rely on other people.

Now DP uses our car to commute to I am back to replying on public transport and it's shit.

My point is you might feel annoyed but it's also not very nice for the non-driver.

SantasHoHoHo · 27/12/2012 14:10

I'm with you OP. I have a close relative who chooses not to drive. They don't want the expense of running a car etc and also feels too old now (53) to get behind the wheel again. (used to drive about 20 years ago). Meanwhile, I'm asked constantly for lifts. I know I could say no but sometimes it's just easier in life to go along with it and choose the battles carefully!!!

BunFagFreddie · 27/12/2012 14:11

YAB a tad U. Why should people have to drive just because it's the societal norm? If everyone complied with that, life would be very dull indeed!

LalyRawr · 27/12/2012 14:11

My parents and brother were killed in a car crash. I have never willingly set foot in a car since that day.

I walk or get public transport.

If I can't get somewhere via either of those, I don't go.

I once had to be sedated by paramedics for them to get me in an ambulance. I don't give a fuck if you think I'm a PITA, I ain't doing it.

Original poster
Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:11

But that's the thing. Non drivers are always convinced they don't put other people out because they get the bus to work etc. But they don't realise how often they do impose without realising.

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandyButter · 27/12/2012 14:12

I don't drive and I'm quite happy to take a bus, if anyone wants to see me then they have to drive to see me or pick me up then take me home. I dont want to drive either, the bus to work is annoying but fine and I spend £16 pw on travel, no petrol mot service tax and emergency repairs. I also get to drink and my brother/sister/mum/sdad/nan have to take me home or I stay over, if they were not willing to do this I still wouldn't drive I just wouldn't see them.

lurkerspeaks · 27/12/2012 14:12

Their choice not to drive. Their responsibility to arrange to get to places.

(I too have non driving relatives who try this one on.. I bear the cost of running my car, I suffer the inconvenience of not drinking so no I won't necessarily always go out of my way to pick you up..... If your choice not to drive (at least one of them has a licence but 'doesn't like driving') deprives you of social opportunities as you are too tight to pay for a taxi (well paid professional) then that isn't my fault.)

ChelseaSmiles · 27/12/2012 14:12

Not everyone wants to drive. It's becoming a massive expense to own a car! Just say NO to giving people lifts.

I don't drive nor do I want to. Lots of buses, trains, metro's and walking for us and my daughter doesn't miss out on activities. I don't expect lifts either.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2012 14:13

It's fine to not be able to drive right up until you start expecting people who can drive to ferry you around at their complete and utter inconvenience without even offering (though I wouldn't take it) petrol money.

I have a couple of friends like that.

I don't however feel the same about taking my Nan places,because 1)she is my Nan 2) she's deaf and blind. I'd rather completely change my plans and give her a lift than let her get public transport on her own. I often do.

So it depends. It can be a pita but in other circumstances I don't give it a second thought.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 14:13

There's nothing "wrong" with people who don't drive! Hmm

If they generally don't need to most of the year why the heck would they spend a fortune on learning, buying a car, getting insurance, paying the car tax etc?

Eralc · 27/12/2012 14:13

I don't drive - I can drive, but I have severe OCD and am petrified of getting into a car. At the moment I am taking steps to rectify it (doing more driving lessons as exposure therapy). Sometimes people are kind enough to offer me lifts, sometimes I miss out. I find it very frustrating not being able to drive, but the psychological distress it causes me makes it very difficult to do it. I don't really appreciate being viewed as a pita because of it.

Tommy · 27/12/2012 14:14

I agree with you!

I have a couple of friends whose DHs don't drive and it means they have to do everything - all the ferrying kids around etc. I think driving is a useful lifeskill.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 14:14

But that's the thing. Non drivers are always convinced they don't put other people out because they get the bus to work etc. But they don't realise how often they do impose without realising.

All black people look the same

All men are bastards

All women are weak

Do you see how ridiculous you sound?

Not everyone imposes on others because they don't drive. Some people actually use taxis and buses you know....

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2012 14:15

Eralc...if you were my friend I would offer you lifts.

I rarely even think about it but have had friends call me up asking if I can drive them home,to a different town to the one I live in, because they've missed their trains. No...wait for the next one!

SantasHoHoHo · 27/12/2012 14:15

I also get to drink and my brother/sister/mum/sdad/nan have to take me home or I stay over, if they were not willing to do this I still wouldn't drive I just wouldn't see them.

Wow, really? I think that's a little bit selfish. So you wouldn't go out of your way to see them?

Purple2012 · 27/12/2012 14:15

Yabu. Why does a non driver end up imposing on someone? I can drive but gave up my car a couple of years ago for financial reasons. I get the bus to work, I get the bus to meet friends etc. How is that imposing on them?

It's my choice to use public transport and I don't have to justify why I dont have a car. I would love to have a car again. But until we can afford a car and holidays I will stick with the bus.