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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 27/12/2012 14:47

But Lueji - the thing is, if there are 2 siblings and neither drives, then cabs will be used, but if one drives and the other doesn't, the driver gets called. In the same way, if 2 siblings live an hour away, they might get called equally, if one lives an hour away and one is in the next street to an elderly relative, the one 5 minutes away is expected to deal with stuff a lot more frequently.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 14:47

I don't think that people who don't drive always realise that the nice, kind and thoughtful people in their lives that do drive will feel obliged to give lifts, especially when the weather is horrible, or it's late at night. Even if the non driver doesn't ask, always offers petrol money, they will still be making nice people feel obliged to do them favours, whether they intend to or not.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 14:48

The post is just moronic. I find some DRIVERS a PITA, parking in ridiculous places and blocking a route so a fire engine probably couldn't fit down it. But I would never be so rude as to suggest that all drivers are like that.

Seriously, get over it. Our culture has a bloody unhealthy dependency on cars.

MistletoeAndMerryChristmas · 27/12/2012 14:48

DH and I don't drive.

We get on buses and trams, i find it much easier then being picked up and getting all the kids in the car.

We are saving for a car this year though as after years and 4 kids its starting to grate a little, for me anyways.

I feel restricted.

He will drive, I won't.

Jenny70 · 27/12/2012 14:49

I don't drive, but can't recall the last time a friend drove me anywhere either - I always meet them there (and take public transport or cab)... I go to their house, they come to mine, we meet at a mutual convenient place etc.

Quite frankly I am no nuisance - and if your relatives and friends are then blame them, not EVERYONE who doesn't drive.

Selfish much?

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 14:49

In the same way, if 2 siblings live an hour away, they might get called equally, if one lives an hour away and one is in the next street to an elderly relative, the one 5 minutes away is expected to deal with stuff a lot more frequently

I think the solution is to ensure you all live equal distances from your parents and any other relatives who are either old or prone to illness. It seems like a totally workable situation.

InNeedOfBrandyButter · 27/12/2012 14:50

Well my sister moved far away, I work with my mum so I do t need to go over and see her and my nan drives and pops in for a coffee every Tuesday while she's already in the area. Have no need to traipse on a bus with my dc after work to go and see them.

Seeing family is not a good enough reason for me to have no money when I see some of them every day and others at least once a week as they are passing anyway.

Also I don't wish to contribute any more pollution to the earth, I would say drivers are the selfish ones really.

whistlestopcafe · 27/12/2012 14:50

I can drive. Can't afford to run a car though. I never accept lifts from people and once walked 3 miles in the snow when heavily pregnant because I didn't want to ask a friend for a lift, I didn't ask for a lift because they had been slagging someone off because they were fed up of ferrying her around.

What does annoy me is when people arrange to meet at a lovely picturesque spot in the country that is not accessible by public transport and then they moan because they never see you anymore.

When I had a car I was always giving people lifts it never bothered me in the slightest.

CreamOfTomatoSoup · 27/12/2012 14:51

I find people who expect everyone to drive and want to meet up in ridiculously far out shit places a PITA. They always assume everyone drives and then look at you like a freak because you don't. They also use driving as an excuse for not having a drink when actually they're really uptight and could easily have gotten the train, left the car at home and had a bit of fun.
YABU.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 14:52

I'm pleased to see I'm not the only one disagreeing vehemently with the OP here.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 14:52

OP - lots of people don't drive because they just don't want to for one reason or another.

I drive and if I want to offer people lifts I will. If I don't want to then I won't.

It's called free will.

crashdoll · 27/12/2012 14:52

LOL

Non drivers, you are a burden on 'nice, kind and thoughtful' drivers.

Oooh I have one...

Disabled people, you are a burden on 'nice, kind and thoughtful' non-disabled people who just want to sit down in peace in any seat on the bus!

No? Not ok?!

Lueji · 27/12/2012 14:52

I think the solution is to ensure you all live equal distances from your parents and any other relatives who are either old or prone to illness. It seems like a totally workable situation.
LOL

RyleDup · 27/12/2012 14:53

YABU op. I have friends that don't drive, they have never put upon me to drive them around. If I do it, its because I want to. If you feel that strongly about it then I suggest you refuse to be the driver.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 14:54

And if I didn't have to drive due to work location then Id probably not bother.

I worry about greenhouses gases you see.

LineRunner · 27/12/2012 14:54

I think you expanded on your thesis is a much less 'magnanimous' way in your subsequent posts, though, OP.

Original poster

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:55

I suspect if my sibling was reading this thread she would be on here fulminating 'it's my business if I don't drive. I don't expect lifts and am happy to use public transport' and so on. I don't think non drivers are knowingly or deliberately putting upon people; just that they don't realise how often people are gritting their teeth as they smilingly offer them a lift home in the lashing rain even though it's twenty minutes out of their way or sighing as, yet again, they sip a 7Up on Christmas day because they have to drive elderly mother home afterwards because the non driver can't offer to do it for a change.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2012 14:55

Mind you I do live out in the sticks and have always needed a car

You can never be the one to take granny to the hospital, never be the one who gets called at 3am because how would you get there when the buses aren't running etc.

That depends on where you live. It is cheaper to get taxis than to pay for hospital parking, the parking is away from the hospital entrance, so you couldn't take a ill person by yourself anyway.

If it is the middle of the night, the ambulance service should be used, tbh.

We are well served in Liverpool for hospitals, though.

My mother is attending Clatterbridge, they prefer her to travel in hospital transport as the radiation treatment could break a rib, or make her feel very unsteady, so they like to see her home.

The meeting up senario doesn't happen in the circle that i mix in, because we are all drinkers and we always figure in taxi fares.

I have had cars in the past, at the moment i am not driving but have time to care for my mum, with my middle daughter. My sister (the car driver) works too long hours to be of any help.

I am lucky to be able to buy my DD (17) driving lessons until she passes her test, but most people who live around me cannot and there are little opportunities for teenagers, so it is easy to understand why people don't drive.

I live in one of the most expensive insurance areas in the UK, to run a car you have to need it for work, or to have lots of disposable income.

FestiveElement · 27/12/2012 14:56

Crashdoll, that comparison is absolutely ridiculous.

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 14:56

That's the fault of the people "gritting their teeth" then. They should have some balls and not offer a lift. Don't be ridiculous.

DontmindifIdo · 27/12/2012 14:56

Crashdoll - you missed the point, you say that you can get cabs in a crisis, but you'll not need to deal with the crisis if there's a driving sibling who gets called to deal with it instead. As much as people will say "I'll do my fair share just work round it" it's easy to say if you don't get asked as often (in the same way a relative living further away might not even realise how often the other one is being asked to do stuff).

cinnamonnut · 27/12/2012 14:57

Oh, and surprisingly, my life doesn't fall apart if someone doesn't offer me a lift! I'm capable of getting myself around without a car.

usualsuspect3 · 27/12/2012 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLorraTurkey · 27/12/2012 14:58

Oh and just because someone can drive, it doesn't mean they're any good at it.

Some people are just an accident waiting to happen but they're too bloody self centered to use public transport.

Salmotrutta · 27/12/2012 14:58

Oh and I love crashdolls solution of all siblings living equidistant lay from aged parents

Wouldn't want one person spending more on fuel than another now would we?

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