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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

815 replies

Atthewelles · 27/12/2012 14:07

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 25/03/2016 17:49

I have Spent £1000s on learning to drive, but am unable to pass the test, and am so shit scared of driving, I can't ever imagine being able to do it.

What is this bollocks about it being unfair to drag children around on public transport, it's not like throwing them in the back of a wagon, I went on the bus/walked/cycled everywhere when I was a child. It is a totally normal thing to do!

KathrynL · 25/03/2016 17:53

Ok don't get huffy at me just because you can't pass your test. It's just my opinion that's all and I'm entitled to that. And for what it's worth anyone (disabilities or medical conditions aside) should be able to pass their test within a maximum of 18 months and if you can't then you shouldn't be on the road at all.

pictish · 25/03/2016 17:55

Kath with all due respect, you're living in la la land, where money grows on trees and children get dissolved in the rain. Stagger your learning and pay in blocks? Righty-ho then. Seems so easy when you know how.

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 17:59

Why wouldn't you feel comfortable taking children on the tube Kathryn? I'm genuinely curious- not trying to be deliberately goady

I have the reverse, I absolutely hate the feeling of being dependent on a car when I go back home to where I grew up. If I want to go anywhere I have to drive. Or spend a fortune on a cab home if going for a night out and want to have a drink

I remember feeling trapped until I was 17 and could drive because I was dependent on my parents (or older friends) for lifts everywhere

Where I live now kids have so much more freedom as they're not dependent on being ferried around. Being of an age where you can have your own oyster card gives you tonnes more freedom as a teenager than having to wait till you're 17

bananafish81 · 25/03/2016 18:00

And as I have epilepsy and had my licence rescinded for a year, if I didn't live in London i imagine it would have had far more of an impact on my daily life than living in a city where driving is completely impractical

GingerIvy · 25/03/2016 18:15

And for what it's worth anyone (disabilities or medical conditions aside) should be able to pass their test within a maximum of 18 months and if you can't then you shouldn't be on the road at all.

And they aren't. So why are you complaining?

Some people are never pleased. Get. A. Life.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 25/03/2016 18:18

And for what it's worth anyone (disabilities or medical conditions aside) should be able to pass their test within a maximum of 18 months and if you can't then you shouldn't be on the road at all

Hmm sorry but that's...crap!

It wouldn't matter how I staggered my learning I still cannot afford to do it.

JasperDamerel · 25/03/2016 18:18

My children walk, cycle or scoot to get places. It's a lot healthier for them than being driven. Because we don't drive, we bought a house where most of the places we want to go are within walking distance.

And to be honest, I'm far happier takings children on public transport than I would be driving them shortly after passing my test.

Gowgirl · 25/03/2016 18:23

That s gas turned into a London thread so I bow out
Enjoy the sticks boys & girls xxx

hazeyjane · 25/03/2016 18:36

Ah bless KathrynL, you seem confused. I don't give a moneys chuff what you think of me, let alone get into a huff - you are a stranger on the internet who knows sweet fuck all about me. And I'm not on the road you big doofus! I am sat reading a book while my children chat and play on their tablets,on a big ol bus!

LifeofI · 25/03/2016 18:45

I dont mind driving someone somewhere but give me petrol money if its going to be more than a one time thing and its over 10 miles and i hate when you're driving and the person is taking long to get ready, my friend i wanted to go brent cross and said i will be with her at 1pm i get to her and she hasnt even had a bath yet, i hate going brent cross late because the traffic gets bad after 5 and we ended up leaving her house at 3pm it was so annoying never again i will rather go alone

LaurieMarlow · 25/03/2016 18:56

Wow, Kathryn, I think it's infinitely worse to ferry kids around in cars like sacks of spuds.

Bad for their fitness and utterly unstimulating.

My DS loves trains and tubes and buses. Lots of opportunity to observe people, interact - he has a ball.

TheSultanofPingu · 25/03/2016 19:13

Oh fgs Kathryn, give your head a wobble!

Do you seriously think it's so terrible to take children on public transport...in the rain!!
It doesn't do them any harm, and as long as they're wearing a waterproof coat, they won't melt.

Topseyt · 25/03/2016 19:20

Don't be daft KathrynL.

What the fuck is the problem with taking kids places on public transport? You almost talk as though it is cruel to them.

Kids need to learn how to use public transport responsibly and safely so yes, DO take them on the train, bus, tube, ferry or whatever.

FWIW I do drive, but only because public transport is patchy at best (though improving) where I live, so I need to to get anywhere, go to work etc. I will use public transport where it is a realistic option though.

GingerIvy · 25/03/2016 19:48

We're looking at moving to an area where public transport is much better. Will I drive? Probably, but I also will use public transport when I can as well.

There's clearly an awful lot of people who can't/don't/won't drive, based on the amount of public transport out there. Personally I'd rather see more people use public transport and see less cars out on the road.

Katiepoes · 25/03/2016 20:18

Can't speak for adults in general but I am married to a non-driver and it's a pain in the arse. He has no real reason not to have learned, he just never got around to it. I really truly resent it - especially when we have one of his family things and I have to sit with a fecking juice. Public transport to where his Mam and one sister are is not an option btw, it winds me up just thinking about it.

Kids on public transport though - why on earth not? When we go to the city center we almost always use the train and metro/tram when there, daughter loves it. She prefers it in fact, more things to look at.

SolidGoldBrass · 25/03/2016 22:20

Anyone who is able-bodied and lives and works in a large city should not own a car. Car ownership in those circumstances is lazy, cowardly and selfish.

Katiepoes · 25/03/2016 22:24

Cowardly? How so please? I will let lazy and selfish go as I can see why you might proclaim that across the board, I assume you know the circumstances of every single car owner in all cities - but cowardly?

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2016 01:00

Yup. Whining chickenshits who won't use public transport because it's 'scary'.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 26/03/2016 01:18

I don't mind non-drivers. I actually don't care about them at all. Tell them to get the bus. End of!

dustarr73 · 26/03/2016 01:55

I'm a non driver all my life and I don't depend on anyone to get me where I'm going.Dp drives but often than not me and the kids hop on a luas,bus,train and head off. I'm one of the non drivers who actually doesn't depend on a lift

FixItUpChappie · 26/03/2016 02:22

My SIL doesn't drive and from the outside it does seem like a PITA. She is a SAHM in a place full of natural beauty but you need a car to get around, certainly to get further a field than their immediate community. When we visited in the summer she and the kids couldn't join us on any outings due to the car situation as her husband had to work and took their vehicle. We spent our days at the beach and they spent their days....at home, at the library etc. It's just so limiting.

I do think the partner who drives ends up doing the errands, all the popping out to the store, picking up the kids from here and there. Not all cities/suburbs are public transport friendly and walkable. Disability or compelling reason aside - I would find it frustrating if my partner didn't drive.

frikadela01 · 26/03/2016 02:53

I'm learning to drive at the moment and I hate it... never feel confident and it's costing me £53 a week that I can barely afford.

We have a running joke at work though that you can tell the people who don't drive because they are never late and never take time off when it snows. Guess we are used to being prepared for all eventualities. I also can't stand the attitudes of drivers if their car is out of action for some reason and suggesting the bus is completely out of the question. In fact one of my colleagues rang in work to say she wasn't coming in because her car wouldn't start. She lives closer to work than I do and the bus stop is outside her house but god forbid she actually get on a bus.

Shutthatdoor · 26/03/2016 03:19

I don't agree that children should be dragged from pillar to post on public transport espciallt in bad weather so learning to drive was a must for me.

Clue there is for you. Maybe stop being so patronising and judgemental.

Stanky · 26/03/2016 04:30

I am grateful that I have my driving licences. Driving is my livelihood now, and it has been an extremely useful life skill. But I appreciate that I was very lucky, that I learnt to drive before I had dc, and I was still living with my parents. It is so expensive and time consuming.

I would definitely recommend an intensive course to any one who wants to learn to drive. It took me about 3 years to pass my test, with the stop/starting of weekly lessons. In the end, I took an intensive course, and passed in about 2 weeks. I wish that I'd just done that in the first place. It was driving for about 4 hours each day, and it really helped me.

Most of dh's family don't drive. It can be a Pita, as it has limited some of them in what jobs they can apply for. They also often miss out on important family occasions, because they can't get a lift, and they don't want to pay for a taxi. Some of them have stopped being invited. It seems very limiting for them.

OTOH, I know drivers who pester for lifts all the time, because they want to go on 10 holidays a year, but don't want to drive to the airport or pay out for a taxi.

People, drivers and non drivers, are just a Pita in general when they take the piss, can't sort themselves out and don't get their shit together.

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