To stick a newspaper under my arse and squat ??

[HELPMyPooIsStuck]

I've been bunged up for days, so far i've tried raising my feet on the loo, sat with the paper and a coffee hoping gravity would take effect ( it didn't) rocking back and forth, vaseline splodges and drinking enough water to sink the marie celeste.

I've also tried prunes, treacle and shredded wheat.

I don't even like shredded wheat.

Bar the odd feeble offering loggy ain't shifting, it's right at the launch pad so to speak but just isn't taking off, I can actually feel it when I bend down etc, it appears to have set like clay.

So, in the interests of avoiding to mathmaticians route ( working it out with a pencil ) and in the absence of a bucket an old tub. Would I be unreasonale to shove a newspaper underneath my poor, long suffering arse and squat ??

Anyone would think only poo trolls poo and the rest of us expel petals and fairy dust

I love a good poo thread though. Dog shit, cat shit, baby shit, you name it, I'm there.

So it isn't my imagination I knew it worked!

You need to change your name to Shitbook.

See, talking about it has had an effect on me! Back in a mo...

Yes forgot to say cut down on sugar too. Says it on that article but it does cause digestive problems.

Nah, that would be taking it a step too far. It's not an obsession...yet..

There are so many good suggestions on here. It ought to be made into a sticky so that every poo-infested poster can pop in for handy hints so they don't have to suffer the accusation of Poo Troll by asking for help.

Red Bull!!! & a fag!

I think you should go to the GP and get some laxatives or suppository to help you out. My 3 year old dd has this problem because she if afraid to poo and her poo is like the cement you speak of! I find that with her the only thing that will get it out is a suppository.

nothing useful to add
just watching on the hope OP has relief before I have to go to bed

SInk plunger?

Take half a dozen bisocodyl in one go.

That works.

Go to gp, and get some Movicol. You'll feel better for it.

If that doesn't work, gloves and you know the rest.....

Yes, it could be like a live birth thread

Those psyllium husks are great. About 60p for a massive box of it from an Indian grocer.

But christ it is horrible knocking that back.

Get a small foot stool / up turned bucket to lift your feet up while you are on the loo - gets you into the squatting position.

I learned this from Dr Gillian McKeith

Dance like a Cossack.

Fresh coffee

Squat thrusts

squatting is definitely the ting - those hole in the floor Turkish style loos are great!

DameEnid, did you not read the first sentence in the OP? Where she mentions she's tried rasing her feet?

Couple of paracetomol, then half hour later a glycerin suppository. As PD said, nothing by mouth can help you now.

Coffee and a fag.

Stop eating random stuff to try and shit you're making it worse!

Think is (tmi) if you have a rock hard poo right there, what can you do to get rid of it?

And then if you take laxatives and all the poo in your bowel then comes out diarrhoea stylee doesn't it all back up behind the hard stuck poo and cause issues?

Run yourself a lovely bath.As soon as you're dried you'll need to go.