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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not play with my child?

101 replies

Rubirosa · 17/09/2012 15:57

My 2 year old DS has always been an easygoing kind of child - as a baby I sometimes worried I was neglecting him as he was quite happy to sit in a bouncy chair or under a play gym for hours.

At the moment he is playing quite happily in the garden while I sit inside with my laptop and a cup of coffee. We quite often do this in the afternoons, or potter around inside, but I never really play with him. He likes cars, and dinosaurs or imaginary games involving repeatedly climbing in and out of a tent, and quite frankly I don't.

So AIBU not to play with him? Am I the only one and is everyone else busy crawling around being a tiger?

OP posts:

MamaMary · 17/09/2012 15:58

Gosh, no, I'm like you: I don't have the energy to be a tiger.

YANBU

SpottyTeacakes · 17/09/2012 15:58

I don't play with my dd very often. I do puzzles, drawing and read books with her but otherwise she entertains herself. I wouldn't let her go outside without me watching her though. She's 25 months.

SpottyTeacakes · 17/09/2012 15:59

Oops YANBU

lackingNameChangeInspiration · 17/09/2012 16:00

your DS sounds really happy and well entertained! is he an only? non onlies don't have mum as constant playmate and it's no harm, there is such a thing as over stimulating them and not leaving them to work things out for themselves

GobblersKnob · 17/09/2012 16:00

I am crapper than crap at playing with children.

However I am excellent at stories, cuddles, jigsaws, crafty stuff and getting out and about and dirty. Play to your strengths and do wha works for you.

There is a lot to be said for allowing independent play.

TheHeirOfSlytherin · 17/09/2012 16:00

Yabu if you never play with him but yanbu to not play with him all the time.

nightowlmostly · 17/09/2012 16:00

Not sure. I can be guilty of this as well tbh, DS is 5 months and can amuse himself under his play gym for a good while, so take the opportunity to mn do housework. I hope YANBU!

TroublesomeEx · 17/09/2012 16:00

Not everyone is cut out for playing but I'd just make sure you're having plenty of chat with him so that he is developing his vocabulary and speech skills.

So perhaps do something arty or outdoorsy with him where he can hear a lot of chat. And then let him get on with playing independently.

Children do need that interaction with others to support their development - both in terms of social skills and language.

But they do not need to be played with every second of every day at all.

Sirzy · 17/09/2012 16:01

I think as long as you play with him/do things with him sometimes then that's fine.

Ragwort · 17/09/2012 16:02

No, I never did imaginative play or whatever it is called, happy to do puzzles, board games, reading, put on a DVD (but leave the room !) etc but I have never, ever crawled around pretending to be anything . My DS is now 11 and seems to have grown up into a happy, confident child so I am sure it doesn't matter !

dizzylizzi · 17/09/2012 16:02

Your lucky!! My DTGs are very high maintenance. constantly want my attention or are just crying/whinging/generally just being a pain!! My youngest DT is currently having a strop with the sofa throw....hmmmm

bowerbird · 17/09/2012 16:03

OH for goodness sake, YANBU. This is the way a child can explore his own world on his own terms, at his own pace. This way your DS discovers things himself rather than have them foisted on him by shouty loud parent constantly "engaging" with him.

You sound relaxed and happy. Your DS sounds relaxed and happy. Your DS is finding out how to entertain himself. You're doing great!

anditwasallyellow · 17/09/2012 16:05

I think that yabu but I am the same as you. I also find it really difficult to play with ds he's 4 now. I read him stories everyday and will do puzzles with him, take him out to lots of different places, do his letters and numbers with him, push him along on his bike or kick a ball with him in the park. But when it comes to say getting out his farm or his fireman sam house or cars out and sitting on the floor making up games, well I find that difficult.

I do think that if there are no siblings that we should play with them but it's more boring than watching paint dry.

N0tinmylife · 17/09/2012 16:05

YABU if you mean you never play with him at all. I don't play with DS much, but I try to get in 10 minutes a day or so of trying to pretend I like pushing a car around a mat, kicking a football around, or similar. He loves it when I play with him, although he will mostly play happily by himself.

FuckityFuckFuck · 17/09/2012 16:06

YANBU

Currently 3 y/o DS is charging about the garden in the middle of a game. Something involving pirates, putting petrol in his car and not waking his baby. If I tried to join in I wouldn't understand it

Most afternoons are like this tbh

I am very good at splashing water all over the bathroom bathtime games, reading, colouring, answering questions and snuggling so I go with that.

I'm sure if he wanted you to play with him, he would let you know!

squeakytoy · 17/09/2012 16:06

If you NEVER play with him at all then YABVU. He may be content and happy playing on his own, but if that is all he has ever known, then no, that isnt enough.

AThingInYourLife · 17/09/2012 16:06

YABU to leave a 2 year old alone in the garden while you are occupied indoors.

ChunkyPickle · 17/09/2012 16:06

Sigh, I don't play with mine all the time, but I'm supposed to watch apparently. He'll be happily playing cars or whatever, then decide that I'm to come and sit in the room with him BUT NOT TOUCH THE TOYS....

I hid the tent, as apparently they're best for putting mummy in while you go and do something more interesting..

YANBU - if DS is happy, then leave him to it while you can

Original poster

Rubirosa · 17/09/2012 16:07

I do talk to him a lot, we sing songs and I almost always read to him whenever he asks. Plus we have dinner as a family so lots of talk then.

We do go out to playgroup once or twice a week, the library, the park, usually have friends over once a week and he goes to nursery 2 mornings so lots of activity/stimulation (imo) - but, I don't sit and play trains with him, help him line up his cars, play with his dolls, sit in the sandpit with him, do puzzles...

OP posts:

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 17/09/2012 16:08

Yanbu
Some children do need more. It's my job to support parents when they do.
My two youngest are happy potterers.
But it can be easy to just let them get on with it a bit too much iyswim,
if I do join in with their play they are delighted.

Graciescotland · 17/09/2012 16:08

I'm often in the kitchen doing tea half watching 2yo DS as he draws/ digs/ rearranges the garden ornaments.

Enclosed, child proofed, garden is an enormous bonus. DS will fetch me if he wants to show me something.

If your feeling bad about it, regular music breaks where you put something cheesy on youtube and dance with DS in the garden is a nice bonding exercise.

4lizardsandababy · 17/09/2012 16:10

The scene in my house is currently very similar to yours. My 2 yr old DS is happy playing with his fireman sam who is currently drowning at sea whilst I MN with some biscuits.
I do play with him sometimes and when he was younger did some very structered play with him but became disheartened when I would spend hours preparing something only for him to show 2mins of interest before moving onto something else!
My imagination is just not that good and he seems to have more fun in his own little world but I do sometimes feel guilty for not crawling around with him etc.
I try to make sure we do things that ensure interaction like swimming or going for a walk every day then don't feel so bad about not getting over enthused by puttting the fire out in the garden (see the fireman sam theme here!)

So no you are NBU by not playing with him as long as you find another way to spend some quality time together.

squeakytoy · 17/09/2012 16:10

Well in light of your last post then no, yanbu at all. Learning to play alone as well as with others is an integral part of development.

Original poster

Rubirosa · 17/09/2012 16:11

Is it really that unreasonable to let a 2 year old play in the garden I have been letting DS out on his own since he was about 18 months There's nothing really dangerous out there and I do check every five minutes/if he goes quiet...

OP posts:

Sirzy · 17/09/2012 16:11

Your second post shows he gets plenty of attention so yanbu

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