to not play with my child?

[Rubirosa]

My 2 year old DS has always been an easygoing kind of child - as a baby I sometimes worried I was neglecting him as he was quite happy to sit in a bouncy chair or under a play gym for hours.

At the moment he is playing quite happily in the garden while I sit inside with my laptop and a cup of coffee. We quite often do this in the afternoons, or potter around inside, but I never really play with him. He likes cars, and dinosaurs or imaginary games involving repeatedly climbing in and out of a tent, and quite frankly I don't.

So AIBU not to play with him? Am I the only one and is everyone else busy crawling around being a tiger?

I wish mine would play on her own more. The only reason I can type this now is because she's watching Tractor Ted

I'm plannign on getting some games like buckaroo, hungry hippos, operation now that ds is old enough to play with them as I think they'll be something I will do with him.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who finds it difficult I've always felt awful and have tried to compensate by going out a lot, I find it easier to play in an outside environment such as at the park or playing sharks in the swimming pool. And we've always had lots of chat and cuddles.

I wouldn't let Ds out in the garden alone yet (he is nearly 3) because I don't think my garden is safe enough mainly because it's on 2 levels

You are very lucky if he can entertain himself. Go with it :)

If I try to play with my DS (20 months) it seems to annoy him intensely. He clearly has a (completely mad) plan in mind that I'm not party to so everything I do elicits a "NO!!" and an "UP THERE!!" and general consternation. He will ask me to play now and again but it usually involves me handing him blocks (but NOT placing them anywhere near his precious structure) or helping him with a jigsaw. He'll ask for help with something now and then but mostly I just stay out of it. Every so often he'll bring me a book to read, and we do chat a lot across the day (yesterday's highlight was a discussion of washing machines) and he seems happy so I'm not bothered. I do make sure to take him out to toddler groups and the park where he gets to meet other children and have a good range of toys to play with.

I'm sure as he gets older he'll want more input but I do quite like imaginative games (used to play them quite a bit with my Year R children) so I'll participate if I'm considered worthy.

I am not sure what to think. Children need interaction from someone to develop.
There no harm in children amusing themselves occassionally, but not all the time. It just isnt fair on them.

I suggest the OP investiages pre schools or nurseries that take two year olds.

My DS will happily ply by himself too but as mrs dv says, when I join in he is delighted, so I make myself now

Not all the time but in bursts of 20 mins at a time, on and off

Plus books, singing etc. they do love it.

If it makes it any better DS has just come in from the garden and is sitting beside me at the table playing nursery rhymes on an ipad and we're both singing along (I am good at multi-tasking ).

To add, my DS often goes out into the garden on his own. It's fenced, very safe and I can see him easily from both the sitting room and kitchen. He knows to call me if he has any trouble.

I'm not sure ReallyTired's post is relevant Rubi - your DS seems to get a lot of interaction. 2 year olds don't really play as such IMO - they sort of bimble around poking at this and that, playing with one thing for 30 seconds then moving onto something else. It's only when they're a bit older that they start wanting you to participate and play a character or tell a story, and when that happens it'll be obvious and you'll get drawn in whether you want to or not!

YANBU. I do all the book reading, puzzles, playdough, take them places and show them stuff, but when it comes to imaginary play I get bored after 2 mins.
Luckily DH likes that kind of stuff and is often pretending to be the "tickle monster" or "kissy monster" and do chasing games. I leave him to it!

At two they are just beginning to play with rather than alongside and it takes some children until they are much older.

If output watch a group of two year olds you will rarely see them engaging in back and forth play. They sort of tolerate each other at most unless they are haring around.

Stimulation and exploration is what is important at this stage rather than endless interactive play.

The singing and reading is nice and you might want to introduce some turn taking to help him get ready for playing with others.

Something simple like rolling a ball to each other and saying 'DS's turn! Now mummy's turn!' after each go.

Car/ball runs are good for this.

Just incase you were interested

As long as my DS is happy playing - and I get the rare chance to have a cuppa and go on MN/read a mag - I think there's absolutely no point in getting in his face to 'interact'.

If he's crawling up on me though with a book I would never then plonk him back down/switch TV on. But that doesn't sound like what OP is saying. He sounds happy!

Well dd can open our front gate and our garden is pretty big so no way I'd hear her or get there in time if she fell into the brambles at the bottom

I can't imagine either of my grandmothers doing any playing, and yet their children are fine... I wonder how much input from adults children really need?

DD2 is 2.7 and well able to play sustained games with other children, particularly DD1, who is 4.

I don't join in these games because I am not capable of sustained play with children of that age.

Not because I would find it boring, but because I don't really understand the games. If I were to attempt to insert myself, I would spoil the game.

It pains me a little that I no longer "have it" because I loved imaginative play as a child. :o

Occasionally when I'm going past I'll throw in a little addition, like a giant dinosaur outside a castle, which either amuses or exasperates them, but basically I'm past it as far as that kind of game goes and we all know it.

I am happy to help with things they need help with - setting up painting or making stuff, baking, reading, singing songs.

But they don't need me to help with their complicated games of cars or tiny people, so I leave them alone.

Both my grandmothers played with their grandchildren, if not their own children.

I think it is kind of bullshit to pretend that adults used to ignore their children.

Mine have always come to me if they want me but otherwise are quite happy to bumble around indoors or out. I do love reading books with them though.

The danger with a 2 year old totally unsupervised in the garden, is that when they eat the leylandi or whatever (and actually a lot of garden plants are toxic) you may not realise.
I speak from experience..

I used to play more that I do now, but HATE doing "crafts" with kids. I love crafts, but I want to do them my way, and FGS 2 year olds just mess it up!
Ditto any kind of art activity. I gave up on those early doors, and left it to nursery.
I do luffs a bit of pirates (the sofas are the ships, the carpet is infested with piranha and SHARKS! ner-Neh, ner NEH, etc) or tickle monster, or making dens.
I think because I am an only parent with an only child, and because I am completely daft,I do take a sibling role sometimes.

I think YANBU to not do the bits you don't really enjoy, as long as you do play in some way, sometimes, whether that is drawing with him, the dreaded art stuff, etc.
It probably is easier once they have sibs after a certain point.

I leve mine to there own devises most of the time, I do the school book reading and homework duty, but they play and potter at will!!

read a very interesting article over the weekend about just your point - www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

Oh good grief, YANBU! I wish I did still have an inner child who likes playing, but I don't. This is why I had 2 DDs, so they can play with each other!!! They seem to be reasonably imaginative and well-adjusted considering how little I play with them.

YANBU. I have the occasional burst of energy when I do play with my DCs but am usually too knackered!

I do leave ds to his own devices most of the time. He is very good at entertaining himself. Especially on Sunday morning when he knows I like to watch telly and eat my pile of toast undisturbed but if you actually like whipping your kids up into a frenzy of shreiks and gigles, then playing sometimes can be fun!
Plus, it burns off the calories from the toast pile.

I don't remember my grandmothers every playing with me either... and I don't think they ignored their children AThingInYourLife but one had 7 children in 11 years and the other had 5 children and job, so they were both a bit busy what with babies, housework etc. Surely children were expected to play with other children?