Young teens, strings & pubic depilation

[tsunami]

My eldest daughter is just 14 and I've found a lacy string in her room and now a big wad of pubic hair in her shower: suspect we're talking a close shave, and I dread to think how much she's taken off. I don't think there's a (serious) boy in the picture or if this is just peer-pressurised body-angst, but - while I'm no saint and have been around the block myself in my time - I really hate this current pole-dancer/porn shaved pussy trend. Call me a square (and maybe a hypocrite as I do wax up to my bikini line - sorry; TMI but I'm hoping we're all girls together in here - or can at least tolerate girl talk) I think total pubic baldness is unreconstructed pandering to male fantasy... IMO even Brazilians and landing strips are inappropriate for young teens. Still trying to cope with the string (yes, this is my first daughter, and she's growing up, so maybe I have to get used to it. We've had the high heels conversation, the provocative dressing and the make-up one...is this just the next step?)

I find it gutting that such young girls fall for this kind of stuff. OK - once you're older then it's your business, but kids need boundaries and should we and can we draw the line? Given the images they can get access to online - which they can and do, no matter what precautions you try to put in place at home - I'm not surprised they feel under pressure. Yes, I have looked - half the porn girls are bald; most have breast implants. Call me old fashioned, but - yeeuch.

I would've died if my mum had ever discussed my depilation issues with me. I can just see it: 'Darling...about your pubes...' 'Yeah, Mum, whatever: bog off.' You can't! Maybe I just tell her I don't think she should leave big clods of pubic hair in the plughole from a hygiene and self-respect POV.

What do I do? Do I do nothing, and leave it? It's her body...AIBU even to think of getting involved?

public baldness? So she's going out naked? Shouldn't you have had this conversation a long time ago?

I would talk to her about cleaning up her hair after she shaves, honestly.

ask her to clear up after herself,

but shaving is not permenent is it, its not like she has gone and got something pierced tatooed.

lots of girls/women including myself do this to feel clean and fresh nowt to do with porn. i bet she shaves her legs and armpits too.

its not a big issue, but your sure as dammit making into one

YABU

She might just be curious or experimenting. I remember shaving all mine off at a similar age and it was terrificly itchy growing back! I didn't do it for a boy, I was just curious!

My DD (16) shaved all hers off at the same age , she didn't do it for a boy. She said it was too bushy so thought she'd get rid of it. I found out from the amount of offcuts left in the bath. She doesn't do it now, too itchy and when she had a boyfriend she didn't do it again.

Thanks, LucieMay I think you could be right. Sigh of relief. No pubes wasn't the rage but I definitely was experimenting at her age.

MrsBucketxx 'your sure as dammit making into one' - defensive! Talk about boxing gloves so early in the morning. I'm not criticising you if that's what you want and I'm not 'making it into one' - I'm on Mumsnet getting some off-the-record advice, which is what Mumsnet is for...maybe you don't have a daughter to worry about, or a teenage one - yet.

But if you want to have that argument, you don't need to shave off your pubes for hygiene reasons. There's nothing dirty about them. You don't shave your head to 'feel clean and fresh', do you?

Ultimately as an adult it's your choice, but it's aesthetic, and I think while it doesn't seem problematic for her to be shaving/waxing legs or armpits if that's what she wants (in fact I help them do it), pubes are sexual, they're private, she's 14 and it's totally different.

manticlimactic ditto, re sigh of relief. This is all I need to hear...thanks.

I shaved all mine off when I was around your daughter's age. I just hated having pubes. Really loathed and detested them. Much more than hairy legs or armpits. Sorry for the bit of cod psychology but I do think it was to do with me having to accept I was growing up. Yes I was pressurising my mum to let me wear heels and makeup but pubes was an adult step too far. Anyway it itched and I never did it again.
Oh and this was the early 80's when porn was in magazines and bushy was the norm.

I actually get rid of most of mine for hygiene reasons. I have heavy periods and can't use tampons since having dc. Much easier to clean myself without the hair there. Apologies to anyone trying to enjoy their breakfast.

Maybe your daughter has a similar issue?

Apologies to anyone trying to enjoy their breakfast

redpanda I like your cod psychology theory. At least with the heels you can take them off when you get into bed at night. Growing up's a big shock. I can totally see where pubes are an adult step too far.

controlpants - 'can't use tampons since having dc' - GOD I know I worry about what my daughter might get up to, but I don't think she's managed to have any babies in secret yet ...

I think that now she's fourteen, your daughter's pubic hair is none of your business. Unless you think she might cut herself with a razor or be using veet or something in a way that might burn her skin or something, keep your nose out.
Why assume she's "pandering to male fantasy" or whatever you think she's doing?
Your immediate "oh my daughter is a trollop and pandering to men" thoughts are more "disturbing" than her depliating.

if my 14 year old dd decided to shave i wouldnt have an issue with it.

its odd that you would think its something to do with sex, maybe that has more to do with you. than your daughter.

at 14 i was doing thing a lot worse than shaving. i was growing up and experimenting its what teenagers so.

i hate having pubes, (infact any body hair really) i started removing it at around the same age.

Wth is a lacey string?

I've been depilating for as long as I can remember and my mum bought me immac to do it. It wasn't for a boy it was for me. And tell her to clean up after herself. Yuck.

do not so.

pombear - 'keep your nose out' - um...I'm not some rude overbearing stranger - I'm her Mum, and I'm a single mum bringing up four daughters, so I appreciate the chance to ask a question if it's bothering me without necessarily coming under attack. I'm not talking to her, I'm on Mumsnet talking about her and wondering what other women feel about this...I'm not sure why the hostility?

Sorry, but as I said while having smooth legs and armpits is one thing and I get why the bikini line, I happen to think habitually removing all your pubes aged 14 would be a weird thing to do. I wanted to see what anyone else thought. Though as I also said I totally buy that she could be experimenting. I don't know what you mean by 'a lot worse than shaving' is, MrsB ... but if you're worried I'm a stick-in-the-mud forget it - I had a fulltime boyfriend at that age and spent every weekend at his trying it every which way.

And for what it's worth, I think it's really odd you think it has NOTHING to do with sex...

a lot worse in my book is drinking, smoking, getting my nose pierced, skipping school.

shaving is a non issue, and has nothing to do with sex.

i was shaving then with no boyfriend at all.

'drinking, smoking, getting my nose pierced' - I was still doing that as an adult!

omg

i am bare downstairs but surely 14 is a bit young to whip it all off?

i would be worried there was a boy in the picture tbh :(

time for a chat with her i think.

I think you are over reacting tbh.

Can see why you'd be worried - I think 14 is probably a bit young to be removing pubic hair but like others have said it could be worse. Maybe just mention the clogged drain quietly. Tbh she probably won't shave it again as it itches like hell. I actually do feel cleaner which is why I have a full Hollywood wax, especially when pg, but that is personal choice. She may be emulating images that she has seen online etc, it's not that far fetched but it's just as likely, in fact more likely to be so she herself can see what she'd look like and not 'for a boy'.

I shaved mine off when they started to grow at the age of 11 or so because they were unfamiliar and that was the hairy bush early 80s. I suspect she's just experimenting.

And fwiw I had a similar experience of finding a clump of clearly shaved pubic hair in the shower plug and I have (at the time) a 13-year-old DS. (and the git used my Venus).

I can understand your concerns OP, I detest the current pornification trend (when, exactly, did it become acceptable to say to someone you hardly know 'I'd smash your back doors in?!' ) but I don't think this is as sinister as you fear.

I'd get her to clean out the plughole

thats a deterrant if ever there was one - oh god the shower ply that i clean out is fucking distgusting.

Are you even sure that this is about sex?

Can she just be shaving/trimming the sides so that they don't stick outside of her bikini? She might be planning to swim with her friends sometime soon.

YANBU to take an interest, so maybe ask her if she has heard of the feminist viewpoint on body hair rather than directly ask about her pubes.

YABU re "public depilation", though I read that and thought someone was going to be tied to a pole in the village square and waxed against her will in front of the neighbours.

And why the hostility towards the OP - its her young daughter and she's a bit concerned. Sensitivity anyone?