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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Young teens, strings & pubic depilation

352 replies

tsunami · 03/07/2012 06:44

My eldest daughter is just 14 and I've found a lacy string in her room and now a big wad of pubic hair in her shower: suspect we're talking a close shave, and I dread to think how much she's taken off. I don't think there's a (serious) boy in the picture or if this is just peer-pressurised body-angst, but - while I'm no saint and have been around the block myself in my time - I really hate this current pole-dancer/porn shaved pussy trend. Call me a square (and maybe a hypocrite as I do wax up to my bikini line - sorry; TMI but I'm hoping we're all girls together in here - or can at least tolerate girl talk) I think total pubic baldness is unreconstructed pandering to male fantasy... IMO even Brazilians and landing strips are inappropriate for young teens. Still trying to cope with the string (yes, this is my first daughter, and she's growing up, so maybe I have to get used to it. We've had the high heels conversation, the provocative dressing and the make-up one...is this just the next step?)

I find it gutting that such young girls fall for this kind of stuff. OK - once you're older then it's your business, but kids need boundaries and should we and can we draw the line? Given the images they can get access to online - which they can and do, no matter what precautions you try to put in place at home - I'm not surprised they feel under pressure. Yes, I have looked - half the porn girls are bald; most have breast implants. Call me old fashioned, but - yeeuch.

I would've died if my mum had ever discussed my depilation issues with me. I can just see it: 'Darling...about your pubes...' 'Yeah, Mum, whatever: bog off.' You can't! Maybe I just tell her I don't think she should leave big clods of pubic hair in the plughole from a hygiene and self-respect POV.

What do I do? Do I do nothing, and leave it? It's her body...AIBU even to think of getting involved?

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:24

You are telling me that at your school 20 years ago, your classmates all removed all of their pubic hair.

I am a similar age to you and bikini line was what got shaved.

Strange.

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:25

And this hygiene nonsense. Have women collectiveh lost the ability to wash?

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:26

Oh haven't you heard?
Women are stinky.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:27

Not everyone of course !! But some did, some trimmed and some were yettis !! Do not think the ones that did were all aspiring porn stars !! Although Seeker my Midwife did mention it when giving birth about being shaven more hygienic for birth but maybe that just her opinion ??

lastnerve · 04/07/2012 11:31

I shave mainly for hygiene ,

I wash,

but cutting blood clots out of a matted bush is not fun with a very heavy periods.

And at the risk of being offensive (tmi) I trained as a beauty therapist in my teens and the er thicker women often smelled more, I wonder how possible it is to keep such a dense area clean in a proper way.

To clarify I'm not talking about a moderate level of pubic hair I'm talking very thick , overgrown hair that must be very hard to properly clean.

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:32

"Not everyone of course !! But some did, some trimmed and some were yettis"

So women who don't remove the pubic hair are yetis? And you think it's OK to think and say that?

I think you have just proved my point for me!

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:34

I think I ought to start shaving my head. My head gets really sweaty when exercise- it would be so much more hygienic to just get rid of all the hair.

AliceInSandwichLand · 04/07/2012 11:34

I think it's very likely that the change in fashion originated with porn. However, when something is normal within a generation, which drastic pubic hair removal certainly is for modern teenagers (my DDs are 17 and 14, and I have had many conversations with them about this!), it's likely that many girls are just doing what everyone else does rather than necessarily buying into the wider context. I think it's well worth discussing the wider context with them, but no need to panic just because they are conforming to the norm - those of us who were teens in the late 70s and early 80s wore some pretty strange things in the name of fitting in with everyone else, after all. Personally my nether regions are much as nature intended, and my 17 year old regards this with the same attitude of slight distaste that she does my refusal to dye my greying hair. I suppose she has as much right to her opinion as I do to mine!

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:35

It's nothing to do with aspiring porn stars.
It is to do with the current fashion amongst girls and young women to be based on a porn-star aesthetic.

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 11:37

I have no delusions regarding sexual activity not sure where you got that from I was pointing out that she's 14 thus a child and men (male over the age of 18) shouldn't be seeing her up close and personal. If that's going on with any 14 yo it's a child protection issue and a criminal matter not normal behaviour. To view a child as a sexual object to adults and using porn to justify this provides an inappropreate starting point and excuses bad behaviour.it's the same as blaiming makeup or deodrant when a child uses them on porn
Dd has shaved pubes how do I deal with this does not equal let's go man or porn bashing

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:37

Oh come on do you think it is acceptable to be at the beach/swimming pool and see someone with their pubes hanging out the side !!

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:38

What do you mean "acceptable"?

And anyway this thread isn't about trimming the sides, it's about shaving the lot.

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:39

imnotmymum this thread is about the removal of all pubic hair.

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:39

socknickingpixie your post makes no sense to me whatsoever.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:40

It is I am sorry but I cannot believe women shave to look like a porn star. Obviously some may, some not.

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 11:41

By the way sardine I loved your 9.30 post top advice

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:52

"It is I am sorry but I cannot believe women shave to look like a porn star. Obviously some may, some not."

They don't. It's more complicated than that. What has happened is that the porn star look has become accepted in mainstream society as what women look like. That's what's meant by being taken over by a porn star aesthetic.

There is also the little issue that pubic hair is a sign of sexual maturity, and removing it makes women's genitals look more like prepubescent girl's............

catus · 04/07/2012 12:00

I think a 14yo removing all her pubic hair as a matter of course, and doing it routinely is a bit sad. If I had a DD and she decided to do it, I would be a bit worried about her, and I would have a chat about what it means to be a woman.
It doesn't mean young girls who do it are aspiring porn stars at all, I'm sure it doesn't stop them being independent, and bright, and anything else, but shaving it all off at 14 would worry me.

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 12:08

Well that shut me up

Thanks socknicking

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 12:13

Sorry I think it's a combo of bad spelling ect. The op has no knowledge of how much dd has shaved off and has no idea as to why as she hasent asked her.bringing a sexual or pornographic element into it in relation to a child IMHO is a bit clutching at straws she's 14 it shouldn't matter why unless there are concerns regarding her own activity op states she has none.

Fwiw I activly hate compleatly shaving my bits I don't get why some men prefer it, I think it's akin to infantizing (if that's a real word) and making grown adults childlike the last person I slept with was totally shaven it put me right off.I do trim and shave a bit because I prefer to not have pubes above a scar I have or exposed outside swimwear.one of my adult dd does compleatly shave because she prefers this,it's totally up to her and has been since she was old enough to be responsable for her own body

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 12:15

Apparently men may do it to look bigger ...

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 12:16

And on reflection I think our views on it are fairly simmerler we just went round the houses a bit

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 12:17

I'mnotmymum if that's true it didn't work

RubyFakeNails · 04/07/2012 12:17

As I said my DD1 has been having it all waxed off since about 14, it is not sad or worrying.

I have always found pubic hair disgusting and I have shaved/had it waxed from a young age. I'm a child of the big bush 70s and was no way influenced by porn.

I think the fact that the look came from porn is pretty irrelevant considering it is now a mainstream idea.

There are those who are going to have been influenced by porn and there are those who will have had their own influences. To me the issue without hair removal being linked to porn just seems like another excuse for feminism to bash women.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 12:22

HaHa Sock.

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