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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young teens, strings & pubic depilation

352 replies

tsunami · 03/07/2012 06:44

My eldest daughter is just 14 and I've found a lacy string in her room and now a big wad of pubic hair in her shower: suspect we're talking a close shave, and I dread to think how much she's taken off. I don't think there's a (serious) boy in the picture or if this is just peer-pressurised body-angst, but - while I'm no saint and have been around the block myself in my time - I really hate this current pole-dancer/porn shaved pussy trend. Call me a square (and maybe a hypocrite as I do wax up to my bikini line - sorry; TMI but I'm hoping we're all girls together in here - or can at least tolerate girl talk) I think total pubic baldness is unreconstructed pandering to male fantasy... IMO even Brazilians and landing strips are inappropriate for young teens. Still trying to cope with the string (yes, this is my first daughter, and she's growing up, so maybe I have to get used to it. We've had the high heels conversation, the provocative dressing and the make-up one...is this just the next step?)

I find it gutting that such young girls fall for this kind of stuff. OK - once you're older then it's your business, but kids need boundaries and should we and can we draw the line? Given the images they can get access to online - which they can and do, no matter what precautions you try to put in place at home - I'm not surprised they feel under pressure. Yes, I have looked - half the porn girls are bald; most have breast implants. Call me old fashioned, but - yeeuch.

I would've died if my mum had ever discussed my depilation issues with me. I can just see it: 'Darling...about your pubes...' 'Yeah, Mum, whatever: bog off.' You can't! Maybe I just tell her I don't think she should leave big clods of pubic hair in the plughole from a hygiene and self-respect POV.

What do I do? Do I do nothing, and leave it? It's her body...AIBU even to think of getting involved?

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 03/07/2012 14:59

I shaved my pubes off at this age and still do.

The was no TOWIE or easy access to internet porn back then. I simply prefer not to have a bush of hair - personal preference. I also used to wear thongs or G-strings. This was so I didn't have VPL on my trousers/skirts.

I wouldn't have left a clump of pubic hair in the bathroom though! I'd be asking her to leave the bathroom clean and tidy.

PanickingIdiot · 03/07/2012 15:26

porn is so easily accessible and all porn stars seem to have no pubes

I'm sure my grandmothers would have considered hair dying a worrying trend and a threat to young female morals too. Or make-up. Or nail varnish. I'm pretty sure porn stars do all that, too. As do most of the non-pornstar population.

Rezolution · 03/07/2012 15:33

Ruby I thought the same as you. Thought a lacy string might be something I had missed in Boots.
Well, when we were 14 we all did odd things, didn't we? Or am I the only honest one around here?

lovebunny · 03/07/2012 17:46

i'd say you have something to worry about.

imnotmymum · 03/07/2012 18:13

why lovebunny ?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 04/07/2012 08:15

Considering the mess I made shaving my legs, I'd rather 14yos refrained kept razors well away from their genitalia.

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 09:03

I was brought up in a very different culture than over here but my mum was what most people there would have concidered fairly radical, I was never allowed to shave anything at all not even legs I also have very dark hair so this was very noticable,this was due to in my mums words "not conforming to stereotypes and mens conditioning expectations towards how women should look" and yes that also covered fashion underware and makeup. It was horrible just horrible I was hummileated by this and teased about it.till I just went and did it.bingo problem solved.
A 14 year old is highly unlikly or willing to even entertain some of the reasoning as to why they shouldn't shave and to be quite frank they shouldn't have to,most 14 yo are more than capaple of low level inderpendance and some degree of privacy,they can form there own thoughts regarding this when there old enough to have a understanding of social presure and how it works.there pubic/body hair should not be up for discussion how they feel about it whilst there getting used to it turning up ect is up to them.
OP she's 14 not 10 she should be cleaning up after herself and that includes the shower plug after she's used it,politly ask her if she would be impressed at having to clean yours up whilst you hand her the jiff

slartybartfast · 04/07/2012 09:09

my dd does the same, and she is 12 Shock
i was considering post on mn about it, am concerned.
but from the skim reading i have done, it seems some of you did the same at the same age,

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 09:30

The current fashion for girls and young women to remove all of their pubic hair is really awful to me TBH.

The growing idea that if you don't remove them it is unhygienic is just depressing.

The fashion has come from porn, that's just obvious.

Still if it's what 14yo (12yo) girls are doing then it's what they are doing. OP just have a general chat with her about grooming etc when it comes up - try and get across that things are her choice she doesn't have to do anything just because everyone else is. It won't make any difference now but it might sink in and re-emerge when she is out of her teens.

BertieBotts · 04/07/2012 09:42

I don't think it matters if the girls themselves associate it with porn, the fact is that's where is originated, and a lot of pressure is from the boys (directly or indirectly) - as youngmummy says. Either the boys will say things or other girls will pick up on things boys say and filter the message through to other girls. And some of these boys will be porn users, so it's being reinforced constantly from both sides, their peers and what they're seeing.

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 10:08

Perhaps if we get all excited and up in arms we could blame unemployment or immigration As well Hmm

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 10:21

Where do you think the current fashion for females to remove all of their pubic hair has come from then socknicking?

30 years ago taking it all off was very unusual - now in young women and girls it is very common.

Where do you think this change in fashion has come from?

seeker · 04/07/2012 10:34

I just hate the idea that girls are still being fed the idea by the media, the fashion industry and so on that women's bodies are unacceptable and have to be changed. And I do everything I can to teach my own dd that her body is how nature intended women's bodies to be and to try not to bow to commercial and societal pressures to change it.

And the removing of pubic hair is deeply problematic. It does- whatever anyone says- stem from a pornographic sensibility. And a distlincly dodgy one at that. I know people say it's more hygienic - but if that was the case, why remove it all? And how come people managed to be perfectly clean up to about 10/15 years ago while still having pubic hair?

slartybartfast · 04/07/2012 10:37

so, sorry to hijack,
what do i say to my dd?
"you shouldnt shave, it will itch when it grows back"
i think she just got carried away after shaving her legs.
i have expressed surprise that she did

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 10:41

Well I guess that I am trying to teach my DDs that their body is perfectily normal and does not have to be changed, however if she wishes to trim/shave/die her pubic hair pink then that is her choice.

Socknickingpixie · 04/07/2012 11:05

The thing is where it comes from is irrelivant and FYI perhaps in your world it was unusual 30 years ago but it wasn't unusual amonst my friends.the petinant issue is that the op asked for advice regarding her own daughter who she belives has shaved she didn't ask for a shaving and it's links to pornorgraphy debate in essance we are talking about a 14 yo child I'm not sure that warrents getting hysterical about pornography and how men view women, after all she's 14 no men should be viewing her in enough detail to see if she's shaved or not

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:12

Hysterical? Hmm

And the OP did ask what she should do- which seems to me to be inviting a broader debate. Because she wants to talk to her dd about this subject.

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:14

Of course it is relevant where a fashion comes from Confused
Teens working a porn aesthetic is not something to shrug your shoulders at.

And on a different note - you think 14 YO girls aren't ever sexually active? HAHAHAHAHAHA They were in my day, furry muffs and all.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:16

Porn aesthetic !!! That is crazy !! OMG I had never seen porn when I shaved it just looked and felt better to me. Women/girls do have a mind of their own you know

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:18

Why do you think the fashion has changed in the last 30 years then, imnot?

What other reason can you give for the fashion in pubes for young females going from loads to none?

seeker · 04/07/2012 11:19

What made you think of shaving it in the first place? Why do you think it's become common place at the same time as porn has become mainstream? Coincidence?

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:22

It can't be the case that in the last 30 years, it has gone from a handful of females removing all their pubes, to most of them, because something mysterious has happened to make them all think independently that it feels nicer?

And this time period coincides with the hairless look being prevalent in porn and porn becoming much more freely available?

Hmm that is such a coincidence.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:23

I can only speak of 20ish years ago when I was 14 but none of my friends had loads !!It was an all girls school so no boy pressure and we were level headed, intelligent girls. Has it really changed ??

SardineQueen · 04/07/2012 11:23

Incidentally I don't even understand how you can take all your pubes off with a razor.

Can anyone enlighten me. How do you get the ones sneaking around the inside of the labia, and the ones underneath and so on.

imnotmymum · 04/07/2012 11:24

Now that would be too much information Sardine Blush

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